I have had 2 long term and serious relationships.
The first guy physically abused me and I left and never looked back. Not an ounce of feelings there.
The second one emotionally abused me and I can not let go? The emotianal abuse hurt more than the physical. Why would I still have feelings for a guy who hurt me sooooo much?

Both kinds of abuse are tough I think and every situation is different and every person handles a situation differently.

pann71

I think the feelings you think you have for this guy, are simply feelings that perhaps you are afraid to move on for yourself, feeling lonely and well when we get used to a certain way of life, trying to adjust and getting out of that comfort zone, really plays tricks on us to the point that is makes us "think" we have feelings for the abuser.

I don't think you have "true" feelings for him...I think they are periods of adjustments you are going through..there is nothing nice about being abused....emotionally or physically.

Guaranteed when you start opening the doors to the right kind of man, you will no longer have feelings for him, they will go away...unless he is the father of your child?

He is the father of my child. That's the problem.

Ok, so he is the father of your child which only makes it a bit more difficult to forget him....cause well obviously he is the father of your child...

the emotioanl abuse stops when you are able to set your boundaries and stick to them..when you don't play into the "game" of reaction...

So besides that...you must know you do not deserve this...you are able to attract someone who loves you, will care for you alot and who will show his respect for you and appreciate your core being...

Dont you deserve to see what's behind another door?

I think physical abuse heals faster them emotional abuse but some people will argue that physical abuse is occompanied by emotional abuse.

Neither should existin our world yet the human race continues to not live up to the intellectual level of mules.

quote:

Originally posted by pann71:
I have had 2 long term and serious relationships.
The first guy physically abused me and I left and never looked back. Not an ounce of feelings there.
The second one emotionally abused me and I can not let go? The emotianal abuse hurt more than the physical. Why would I still have feelings for a guy who hurt me sooooo much?

Hi,
I am hearing you and I have been there.

Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? I have and wanted to know more so I googled the term. Reading it up has helped me understand a little (and at least feel like it's not me who is crazy!!)
here's a definiion. (Wikipedia)

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed. Stockholm syndrome is also sometimes discussed in reference to other situations with similar tensions, such as battered person syndrome, rape cases, child abuse cases and bride kidnapping. The syndrome is named after the Norrmalmstorg robbery of Kreditbanken at Norrmalmstorg, Stockholm, Sweden, in which the bank robbers held bank employees hostage from August 23 to August 28 in 1973. In this case, the victims became emotionally attached to their victimizers, and even defended their captors after they were freed from their six-day ordeal. The term Stockholm Syndrome was coined by the criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot, who assisted the police during the robbery, and referred to the syndrome in a news broadcast.

Loyalty to a more powerful abuser — in spite of the danger that this loyalty puts the victim in — is common among victims of domestic abuse, battered partners and child abuse (dependent children). In many instances the victims choose to remain loyal to their abuser, and choose not to leave him or her, even when they are offered a safe placement in foster homes or safe houses. This syndrome was described by psychoanalysts of the object relations theory school (see Fairbairn) as the phenomenon of psychological identification with the more powerful abuser. A variant of Stockholm Syndrome includes cases of abusive parents and abusive siblings in which the victim, even after entering adulthood still justifies the family abuse. (see Bejerot).

Natascha Kampusch, a 10-year old Austrian child who was kidnapped by Wolfgang Priklopil before escaping at the age of 18 in 2006, showed signs of having suffered from Stockholm syndrome, as evidenced by her grieving after her captor's suicide.

Anyway, there's a wealth of information if you google the term.

Thanks, that was interesting!!!

I have to ask , what is the actual meaning of emotional abuse ? my wife left me and our children because of it she claims . All I did was spend alittle to much time on the computer durring my off time from work and all . I tryed my hardest to show her I loved her and did everything I thought was right . I would buy her flowers for no reason , buy her clothes even if we couldn't afford it . Paid all the bills , and told her do whatever you want to that makes you happy weather its work , or stay home , or whatever . She honestly didnt have to do anything but stay and love me and our kids . Now she has gone so far as to ignore not only me but our 3 children , because her "happiness" has made her very busy . Our children talked to her last night on the phone , for about 5 mins total and asked her how come she hasn't called or wrote them and her reply to them was "I'm sorry I have been to busy dealing with other things " ... Are you serious ? To busy to talk to your children ? What kind of mother would do that ? Selfish ?

Sounds like your ex-wife didn't know how good she had it. I never received a birthday or Christmas present in six years and sometimes my ex would leave town for three days to go "relax" with friends because, hey, he is a man and he is allowed to do that. Since he decided not to marry me he was not responsible for his son-even though he lived with me. Anyway, it sounds like your wife is going through some kind of crisis. What goes around comes around and she will find out just how well you treated her. I hope she wakes up soon and decides to be a part of her children's lives. Best wishes to you and the kids!!!

Marielle,

Been there too, BTW, great research on the topic.

Physical abuse scars go away, but emotional scars lingers. Combined is detriment to our mind, body and spirit.

Still healing...