I hope everyone will bear with me as i'm going to put down everything bad thats happened between my husband and I since last January... and what all went on before we were married which was December 9th, 2006... Here goes.


My husband joined the navy and left for bootcamp on August 10th of last year, We always wrote eachother letters talking about getting married, having kids, how much we missed eachother and couldnt wait to be together.. all the good stuff we fantasize about. He came home on december 7th and stayed with us at me and my parents home til december 10th which was because he had to go back to his duty station for a week and then the following saturday he was able to come home for the holidays. He stayed with us all through the holidays which was wonderful to me even though it seemed like his attitude had changed and he was mad about something all the time.. He got to where he was smarting off and making hateful comments to me about things constantly. I tried to brush it off alot because I was happy being married and having him home for the holidays and because we were trying to have a baby. I was a virgin on my wedding night by the way. Anyways, I moved with him to his duty station in Virginia Beach on January 5th 2007. When we got to Virginia I noticed over the first couple of weeks after we had moved there that he never wanted to take me anywhere.. he always went to his friends apartment unit right down the street from us and hung out with his friend and his wife.. he would stay gone all day long.. have dinner with them and walk in the apartment and not say a word to me. I would always have dinner ready for him when he got home. Well, he would walk in and go straight to bed and not say a word.. Around the middle of January I remember telling him I really wished he would spend some time with me instead of always having to be with his friend and his friends wife, or I would love to go with him sometimes and be part of it with him. Well after I said that he just laughed and said whatever and that I need to get a life of my own. I then asked him why lately he didn't want anything to do with me and he just told me to get out of his face. I went in the bathroom and cried for awhile because I missed him so much and I couldn't understand why he wanted to hurt me. The next night after work he stayed gone again and came in hours later and actually did eat what I had fixed.. but I remember he made a remark about my cooking being awful compared to his friends wifes cooking. And I told him just to shove it and I started walking away when he grabbed me and slammed me against the wall.. he then wrapped his arms around my upper body and squeezed me so hard that I lost my breath and I could hear my back popping. He told me after he did that that I needed to go to bed. I told him I wasn't tired and he grabbed me and pushed me down on the bed and held me down then told me to go to sleep.. I started to cry and he just started making fun of me and calling me a cry baby. He got off of me and went to sleep. I cried for awhile. For the next couple of days I stayed out of his way but after that had happened I started feeling sick alot so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.. I was so happy and excited. I felt so alive. I told my husband and he was so extremely happy, he told all of his navy buddies about my being pregnant. I thought surely he would be happier with me because i was carrying his child. But his excitement wore off i guess because he went back to saying hurtful things and doing things physically. He would twist my arms behind my back until I would start to cry, he would hold me down on the bed and get in my face, and I remember towards the first of february he told me he would kill me while he had his hands around my neck. On Valentines day he got himself a game cube... and missed 2 weeks of work because all he wanted to do was play on his play station. I was so sick from being pregnant that I could barely raise my head up or get out of bed. I couldnt tolerate any kinds of foods besides fruit. The smell and look of everything made me sick. I would beg him to get me fruit or something because I was so hungry and I would go a couple of days without eating because he said he didnt have the money but he always managed to order chinese takeout for himself.

On February 19th I was pretty much fed up and I could barely stand up because I was so weak and I needed food. But I got out of bed anyway and went into the living room where he was playing the play station and had pretty much sat in the same spot for 2 weeks not going to work. I told him if we had no money then he needed to sell the play station because I needed food that I could tolerate and keep down and because I was fed up with the play station being his life... Well he looked up at me and told me I was f***ing nuts. Then I started begging him to please get me food or something and he told me to go eat some of his chinese food. I went in the kitchen and the smell of the food was making me gag but I took a very small bite of the noodles and then I threw that back up then it was dry heaves. Well then I slowly walked back into the living room and asked him to get me something to eat again and he told me maybe tomorrow.. Well then I picked up the play station and started to smash it and he told me then that if i dropped it he would beat the life out of me but i was over it. I started to throw it down hard and he grabbed it from me so fast and then threw me down and called me a bitch and said he wished I would die. Then he got on top of me and held me down.. as always.. and told me if I ever did that again he would kill me and that he hated me and wished he had never married me. Well he got off of me and I went back into the bedroom and cried myself to sleep, I then awoke at 5:00 am that next morning and felt cramping so I went to the bathroom and had blood coming out, so then i told my husband who was still up playing his play station and he didnt take it seriously at all.. I had to beg him for 30 mins to take me to the hospital... After begging and pleading he finally said ok and took me... on the way there i told him if i lost my baby then we were getting a divorce... well they took tests and he stayed right by my side the whole time... We were there til 11:00 am. He was right there being supportive and he kept hugging me and saying it would be all right and I had missed that side of him so much. After they checked everything they determined that the baby was just fine and we got to see her on ultrasound.. I was around 9 weeks or so. My husband seemed so proud.

Well, my mama and my grandmama came to virginia to bring me back to tennessee because my husband was going on a ship for a couple of months and i wasnt going to stay there by myself and my family didnt know about what he had done to me before i went to the hospital. Over the next month or so after I went back home I gained weight and started feeling better and happier and was so busy planning for my little one to arrive and then my husband sent me an email a few days before easter that he was coming home for good because they were kicking him out of the navy and he didnt know why. Well he came home and we got an apartment and were starting over... but then the same things started happening. He would twist my arms behind my back til i would cry or squeeze the breath out of me or act like he was going to punch me in the stomach. He locked me in the closet a couple of times and turned the lights out even though he knew I was afraid of darkness... He would drag me across the floor or slam me up against things.. he would call me a bitch or say he would beat the **** out of me... he dissed my mama and all of my family.. he took my car away and the only other car we had was his mustang that was a 5 speed and i cant drive those.. and he drives 2 crazy.. but I had to beg him to take me places and i missed out on alot of things i wanted to do with my family because he wouldnt take me. If we went grocery shopping he would make me carry all the groceries up the steps and would flirt and look at other women with me standing there... I also saw on his computer that he had made a singles profile a couple of weeks ago and called his ex girlfriend... There was times I had to wait for hours to use the bathroom because he didnt feel like getting me toilet paper... He felt like I should be like a guy and just pull my pants up without using anything.. I have left him on a couple of occasions and stayed gone for 2 or 3 days but would go back. 2 weeks ago I had had enough of all of it because we had no groceries in the fridge and he wont share his money with me at all.. So I had to beg him to get some groceries or a little hamburger from fast food or something and he wouldnt so I told him I would have my mama bring me food and he told me he had used me and my family all this stuff... just to get a free ride.. he never loved me.. that i was ugly and pathetic and would never amount to anything.. he held me down on the bed and made me listen to it. At first he said all this in an angry sort of way and then it was like he got happy telling me all of that stuff. He said our unborn baby would never know me and he would take her away from me.. He said all women loved him and that he was very successful and that he could find plenty of women better than me.. I tried so hard not to cry but it all just came out.. He finally let me up after a little while of having to listen to all of that... I then told him i hated him and i couldnt believe he could do this to me. He then did the same stuff... knocking me up against the wall, getting in my face, pushing me, pushing me on the floor, getting on me and holding me down while saying cruel things, locking me in the closet and then he told me he wanted my wedding ring back and my engagement ring, and promise ring.. So i threw them out of the window and he got upset and started crying. Then he went out in the yard looking for them and got them... came back up and broke my cell phone in half. My mom got me that phone and she came for me about an hour later and took me home to her house. He keeps writing me emails saying he loves me and needs me and the baby and i feel so confused. Is this abuse? I just dont understand all of this. Sorry this is so long.. I guess i just needed to get this out

Dear Emilytn,

I'm so sorry that you have to experience such a terrible nightmare.

For you question as if that is abuse, let me tell you that YES, it is abuse, and it's doesn't get any better i'm sorry to say. Please stay away from that man, talk to police, keep a journal, write down everything that he did to you, seek help with hotlines. You should do that in case he decides to harass you with the child and tries to take the baby away from you just to get to you... Also you could try read stuff about domestic violence. It can help you understand and feel stronger...
Contact a hotline, maybe you should consider going into a shelter if there's any in your zone
Please, stay safe...

That is totally abuse, and no it will not get better. It seems like it is a prgressive thing, and your child does not need to see or be involed in that kind of stuff. Stay safe.

Oh honey...you brought tears to my eyes.

It just kills me that you have had to endure this ABUSE, especially during what should be such a happy time in your life. Please stay away from this man! Please find someone to talk to, tell your family about what has been happening, let them read your post. You need support right now and lots of it. Try to look at it this way...what would you think if he were to treat your child the way he has treated you? Would you want your child to feel the way he has made you feel so many times? You and your child deserve so much more!
Please come back and post often! I will be thinking of you.

NIX THE NAVY NERD BEFORE HE HURTS YOU SERIOUSLY DO YOU REALLY WANT A CHILD AROUND SOME ONE LIKE THAT...YOU LET PEOPLE DO THIS KIND OF THING IT ONLY GETS WORSE NEVER BETTER. GOOD LUCK TO YOU, pEACE .....

Yes Emilytn....this IS abuse. You and I have something in common---we have both been abused by our husbands....I got rid of mine. Honey, please hear me...do not allow him back into your life....you cannot change him. And he will tell you he is a changed man---but DO NOT LISTEN to that LIE!
You may not have a chance to walk away next time......

Sounds like you have a supportive family--am I right about that? Tell them....egt strength from them....it's OK....you will be doing the right things by telling them and they can help you with the baby. This stuff needs to be written down and documented and this needs to go to court....perhaps get a restraining or protective order against him....when the child custody issue comes up later....you will need some ammunition.
You do NOT want him to hurt the child.....if the child EVER has to witness his cruelty whether to herself or him hurting another person---that is STILL damaging her emotionally!
And I am sure you do not want her growing up thinking this is normal and acceptable behavior---b/c then she will find someone just like her daddy to marry and spend her life with. And the cycle of abuse will continue.

You need to get rid of him....simple enough. Do not listen to anything he tells you---you are in control of your life---not him!

Hang in there, girl!

Peace to you and best wishes!

PS....he says he "needs" you B/c he wants someone to place his blame on...a "punching bag"....step away Honey. You are too good for that. God never intended marriages to be this way.

Peace,

Some can love cake but if it aint good for you... Then love it from afar. Its not good for you and without intention can kill you, then who will have the kids?

If your kids see that you allow people to treat you badly they will too. They will think you dont mind.

You have the DEVINE right to be respected by all. Now excercise your RIGHTS!

You can do it, I have faith in you and what you can do. And this is doable!

Thank you so much everyone for your honesty, encouraging words, and your kindness. I guess sometimes I figure it probably isnt abuse because hes never actaully hit me in the face... Even though I also know that abuse comes in different forms. This is all just sometimes unreal to me but I do try to be realistic about the whole thing. And he's coming by here all the time to talk about everything and its sometimes hard to not just go back to him because I just wanted to have a family of my own so much.

Yes dear, and that is why, sometimes, many of us stay too long in an abusive relationship. But believe me, it won't get any better...When it happened to me i thought i was going crazy 'cause stuff like that only happened on movies... not in real life!!!! I was lonely with no one to turn to for help, at that time i had no information about anything and i was soooo afraid of asking, afraid of what he might do if he found i was looking for information or help... Only when i realised that he was also hurting my (our) daughter i found the strength to leave for good...don't let it happen to you, to your child, you have already left so stay safe... things are difficult now and it hurts, but hey, tomorrow the sun will shine once again as long you stay safe... wish the best for you...

Be thankful you were smart enough to get out of this soon. It will NOT get better. You are confused because you remeber the "good" him. I have been in that same situation back and forth for years. i finally realized the "good" him I remember was really just a character he would play to get me to do what he wanted. That is not the real him. Child or not. if he hurts you, who knows what he will do to your child. You have to think of your child first now. He can get help but it doesnt happen over night, if at all. Keep ignoring him, thats the only thing you can do. I know its hard, but do it. The emails hes writing is to regain control. Dont give it to him.

Hello,
Run. It's pschological abuse, and it will get worse. It could even escalate into sexual or phsical abuse, or even worse. He sounds like he has some serious mental and emotional issues, and needs help. That's probabl wh he was discharged. Stick to ur guns, sta with our famil document everthing. Get as much ammo as ou can so he won't be able to put our daughter through that later. We are all here, and will all listen to ou, and support u.
God speed, and ma he bless ou!
Kurt

go talk to some one at the coalition against domestic violence