Hello all. I am just looking for someone to offer advice. I left an abusive relationshp this summer. He was the first man that I have ever lived with or been engaged to. Looking back, I see all the signs that are now so apparent.
I'm not going to go into the details of it all. I just need to know....
He was hurting my son. I didn't know. An old neighbor told someone I know, who told me, what he saw him do to my son outside one day. When I spoke to my son about it, he was afraid to talk about it at first. I had already left the man. Then my son started to talk about someone being able to kill you by grabbing you by the back of the neck. He was terrified. He tormented my son. Social services was notified. My son won't talk about it...to me or his counselor.
I dont know how to help him. I have so much guilt and anger inside me.
I dont know how I will ever trust another man around my son again.
Has anyone ever been through something like this? Any advice you have to offer will be greatly appreciated!
Trisha

I think you need to call the cops....
Honestly.. thats the best solution before you and your son become headlines.....

Leifnv,
I would do that if social services wasnt already involved. We haven't seen or heard from him since about a month after I left...it has been about 3 months now.
I just feel so horrible that I let it happen to my son...that I didn't know it was happening... I am one of the most overprotective parents I know...and I missed something so huge!!!!
Thanks!

Feel free to talk to me at anytime, I will give you my opinion and you are free to agree or disagree with me....

Trish I have been in your shoes and I know the guilt you feel.I can tell u that all you can do now is be supportive and wait till your son is ready to talk.I put three of mine through sexual abuse councelling and my four didnt tell us it happend to him till 2 years later .He watched his siblings get help and kept telling us he didnt get touched but 2 years later he told me the truth.Just take it one day at a time and love your son he will know he has the support around him when he is ready .Know in your heart that you didnt do anything willingly and missed the signs but you know now and he needs his mom to help and not be consumed with guilt.Forgive yourself and just keep the lines of communication open he will come around and I promise he will be fine I know thar seems hard to hear but it is true .My kids have gone nine years since the help and they all are doing fine.It comes up still sometimes but they know they can tell me and talk to me no matter how long it has been and I will be there for them.I cant change what happened but I can let them know help is available and life can go on and move forward. Hugs to you and prayers please cut yourself some slack you are human and he is scum .That makes you so ahead of the game it isnt funny love to you and your son Gail

My second husband abused my son while I was at work, my son was 3. My second husband hit and screamed at my son, he stripped him and put him in a cold shower so he would not go to sleep in the afternoon, when I noticed slap marks on the side of my son's cheek I LEFT!!!! I did not know it was happening, my son did not know how to tell me. My son is now 12 and has had alot of emotional issues that only maturity has really helped with. He has been to many different kinds of councelling, but he still will not take a shower with the door closed. He just started sleeping without a lamp on in his room this week. Things will get better, just keep being there for your child and he will talk to you or his councelor when he is ready.

Thank you so much for your advice and support! It isn't nice that your children have gone through those things, but it is nice to know that there are people out there who know how I feel. Thank you! We will keep working at it!

You know...I havent been through that specifically...but... I have been through worse.

I turned and left a whole extended family, because of "abuse"...and I kept reminding myself..that my actions were teaching my children one thing:
That there is NO ONE more important than they are.

That was enough to help me heal.

I hope it is for you, too.