Before I know I was pregnant my ex and I got into a big fight and he threw a full beer bottle at me. It hit me right in the stomach and left a bruise for a week or so. The next day he did the typical abusive man thing and apologized saying he loves me and would never do it again...blah..blah..blah. The way I figured it was we had nothing holding us together so if I walk away it wouldn't matter. Now I'm having his baby and I'm concerned that if he did it to me he'll do it to our child. His father beat him and his mom. Is he turning into his dad?

I ran into the same thing.. My daughters father was doing that crap to me to and said the same BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH speech... YOu know what do not give him the chance to do it to your child... regardless if he does not do you really want to raise your child around someone who will hit you?? What does that tell your child?? It tells them well if mommy put up with it I can to. Men like that are selfish and they never think of anyone but them selfs, so even if he never laid a hand on your child, who is to say that neglecte is not as bad????? I hope I helped write I would love to talk... Amanda

Well, I don't plan on going back to him. That's something that I never needed help deciding. After he did that to me I knew that I could never be with him. My father was like that with his wife (my step mom) and I never want to be like them. I just don't know how safe it would be to put my child on a plane to see daddy. We're both military and we get out within days of each other. He's going back to Texas and I'm heading back to Long Island. We'll be hundreds of miles from each other. I feel like I can�t protect my child if I'm on Long Island and my child�s with daddy in Texas. And I don't want to be the kind of mom who keeps their children from their father. A lot of the time resentment grows from that.

No one can say whether or not he'll do it to his child, hopefully the answer to that is NO! If you're afraid he's turning into his father, he needs to get some help now! Since his father did that to him and his mother that should be more of a reason for him not to do that to you and your child. Didn't he see the pain that his father put him and his mother though. I'm sure it's hard on him mentally dealing with an abrusive father so he shouldn't want to put you all in an abrusive atmosphere. All I can say is, if he did it once, he'll do it again! Stay strong and don't let this turn into another episode of his life!

In my expeience yes it very possible. my son father never wanted to do anything with him or have anything to do with him. he desserted him and has never come around in four years. His father did the samthing to him. granted not abusive but it was similar of what his father did to him. on the abusive side i dated a guy was hit and slapped around by his father. My ex treated my son the same way. sure it wasn't his son but i strongly believe that he would treat one of his own children that way. only because he said that is how a child should be raised. bulls%^$&*t. my son does not have to be beat to behave.

but this is just my experience and you must make your own decsion as to what is best for you and your child. good luck.

smvt

I completely agree with you! Children do not need to be beat to behave. Maybe a slap on the hand here and there but there's no reason to beat children. I know in the "olden days" beating children was the way to handle everything but this isn't the "olden days" this is 2003. My mother didn't believe in beating me and I turned out just fine. This is why I'm so hesitant to leave my child with Dave (the father). I really don't know how he's going to be with our child. He doesn't even like children. I've only seen him interact with one little boy and he did pretty good. But that isn't his child so he doesn't have to worry about discipline. I think I'm just going to make him come to NY to see us rather then sending my child to Texas.

I agree with you 100%! Let him come to New York to see your child! You can not take that chance that he may ever put his hands on your child! Maybe after you are able to supervise how he interacts with your child, you'll be able to decide then if you feel comfortable with him taking your child on his own!

I was in an abusive relationship ( for too long!)and that is how my wonderful son came about. When my son was about 3 months old I kicked him out of the house. I could see that we had different parenting styles. Yes, even when my child was 3 months old. From little comments he would make, I could tell that I wouldn't like how he would treat our child. He, too, was physically & emotionally beat by his father. He watched his mother severely beaten, too! It is a shame, but in many cases it's a cycle that doesn't stop with out serious help. In my case, my son's father knew he needed help but didn't have the modivation to stick with a program!

I agree with you that you don't want to "not allow" your child to go with his father. You just have to becareful. My son's father calls to see my son a lot. Does he ever come through and really see him? NO! Unfortunately, that's something my son and I will have to talk about someday. My philosophy is- be completely honest about the situation from the get go! That's my plan anyway!

Well- I hope my two sense helped!

Dave jokes around to much. He's a naturally funny guy who says anything to get a reaction out of somebody. He says some pretty harsh things and most of the time nobody knows to take him seriously or not. He's made comments like "If I had kids I'd" usually with a harsh comment following. But like I said nobody knows if they should take him serious... It's really annoying!

My thoughts are it is possible he could turn abusive to your child too,I wouldnt tolerate it I was abused for 18 years and thought he would change but he didnt.I think the very fact you are concerned is an indication that you know the answer.
Geri

quote:

Originally posted by ArmyMom2B:
[qb]Before I know I was pregnant my ex and I got into a big fight and he threw a full beer bottle at me. It hit me right in the stomach and left a bruise for a week or so. The next day he did the typical abusive man thing and apologized saying he loves me and would never do it again...blah..blah..blah. The way I figured it was we had nothing holding us together so if I walk away it wouldn't matter. Now I'm having his baby and I'm concerned that if he did it to me he'll do it to our child. His father beat him and his mom. Is he turning into his dad?[/qb]