I recently left a very emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I am 8 months pregnant and my ex has left several threats on my phone. I have saved them all and filed for a restraining order. HOWEVER, when i went to court to have the order be made permanate the judge only granted it for 6 months and says advises we go to a family law court to fit for custody. I cannot/will not let my son go thru what I did. My ex is a cheater, abuser, and munipulator...how do i prove this in court? I have tried contacting a lawyer..but this is all so new..i have no idea where to start so i can sleep soundly at night. Any help is appreiciated!!

Hi-
I see you're from Sacramento too.
I haven't had to deal with physical abuse but I think getting a lawyer is a good first step. A good one should be able to advise you on getting full custody and keeping your ex away from you and your child if necessary.
Is this your first baby? Congrats on your little one!


-Teresa

Yes, he is my first!! I am very excited to meet him!! Ya, I finally broke down and contacted some lawyers...my ex served ME with custody papers...my fight wont be with my ex..he could care less..it will be with his mom whom is equally whacky..i sure can pick em!! Yes, i plan on doing everything in my power to keep me and my child safe!! What about you..a boy, girl? How old?

I can help you with some things but I am going to be swamped until the middle to late part of this week. I recently went through a 2.5 year long pregancy/divorce/custody/court of appeals battle.

I will talk to you later this week ok?

Hang in there.

Hi again-
Again, getting a lawyer is a good start. Just remember that your baby is your first priority when he's born -
I have a 19 month old girl and have been single for a year. I love being single, I feel like I have a lot more freedom now.
Keep us updated-

-Teresa

Hi,

I definetly recomened getting it settled in court as soon as possible. I was with my sons father and left him in 06 our son. Being I gave him the benefit of the doubt when he said he would help out. I am now 2 years later feeling lonley and him going against everything he said and agreed to.

kat

you will find a wonderful support group here.
just jump into any topic you want.

even just reading other people's threads made me feel I am not alone in this..........

I did not go though the physicall but eveything else. Get a lawyer and I know this from first hand when they see your eyes and they know you are telling the truth they will go to bat for you all the way. I had a legal aid attorney and I was scared out of my mind bc we all know they don't give a rat's a** but as soon as this one heard the evedence and the whole story and they know that i did no wrong. Ball was in my court I was still scared out of my mind. I remember my lawyaer asking me if there was anything at all they could use against me. I called my father in her office by the way. My sister and my mother and I remember asking them is there anything please remember anything bad you could say about me. I am pleased to say there was nothing. However this folder was more than a foot high. You will do ok and you have come to the right place for support....

This is a late reply..are you married?
the reason I am asking is that if you are not married, do not put him on the birth certificate. he will not be considered the legal father. And if /when you marry someone, he can claim paternity and his name can be added.
it avoids the custody struggles and the future adoption complications.
you would not be able to collect and child support, but in all honesty in most of the negative people, it is a hassle to get any anyway.

why don´t you contact a woman´s organisation that specialises in spousal abuse?
I bet they know everything there is to know what you need to know.

Excellent idea to contact a woman's organization such as YWCA. I went through an abusvie relationship several years ago but in my situation he struck me and I called the police so there was no doubt that abuse was happening and I was able to have the restraining order on him for a year.

Smart move to get an attorney as well and great suggestion to not put his name on that birth certificate if you aren't married. Have you registered at a hospital yet? Does he know? If you have and he knows which hospital you are at, see if you can re-register at a different hospital and make sure all information related to the baby is kept under wraps that way when you are in labor you won't have to worry about him finding you.

Congrats on your baby (I'm having my first too)!