Hi I am new to this website and I really need some advice. I was recently dating a guy that I have known and liked for 21 years, and I found out I was pregnant in August of course by him. I told him that I was pregnant and he didn't know what to do about it. He was married, but almost divorced with 2 children. He called me for a couple of weeks after I told him and he sounded like he wanted to really work it out, but his grandma told me that he had a new girlfriend. So within that week that I told him, he picked up a bar fly and has been dating her ever since and now he is going to move in with her. He is pretty much an alcoholic and the only time we ever had *** is when he came over drunk. I have heard from some people from work that if he signs off all his rights that I could still get child support somehow, but I don't know much about it. Could someone please help me with what you have found out and have experienced. I really don't want him to be a part of my baby's life at all. I am due in March.

Thank you so much! April

I hate to be the first to say this, but unless he gives up all parental rights, you have to deal with him. Most of us here probably wish we had picked better parent material. If we had we wouldn't be here. Also, if he signs off all his rights you do not get child support. (In Texas)Just try to document everything that happens. Good Luck

Youv'e "known and liked him for 21 years"? How old is this guy? Cuz he sounds very immature and irresponsible- no wonder he is getting divorced! I wouldn't be surprised if you said he had been living with his mama too-until he picked up that girl from the bar. I wouldn'y worry too much about him wanting rights to the child, sounds like he only cares for himself, and he can barely do that! When you go for child support, make sure you tell them your concerns, just in case. Maybe one day he will grow up and take responsibility for his actions. As far as what I have experienced-which is a lot-a person won't change until they are ready. I don't know what you saw in him, but good luck girl, and be strong for you and the baby!

April, it sounds to me like your better off without this guy being a part of your child's life.

But unfortunately like Shana said, unless you get him to give up his parental rights you will continuing dealing with him for the next 18 years. Let me tell you, the last 6 years have been like hell for me. 'If I knew then what I know now...'

But if you can get him to sign over all parental rights and want to raise him completely on your own, then try to get him to do that. Way out all the pros and cons for him being out of your child's life.

For me, my son's father refused to give up all parental rights, since we had been in an 8 year relationship before my son was born. I got pregnant during the "break-up/make-up" ***.

I don't like to live by regrets and my son is in fact the best thing that ever happened to me.
But it doesn't change the fact that I have to struggle with all interactions between me and the ex.

When my son was 7 months old we settled when I filed for full custody. I was able to get him to sign over and waive his claim for any custodial rights. In return I gave him weekend visitations. Just a few months later during one of our many disagreements he decided he was not going to return my son during one of the visits out of spite. I called the cops and when they read the custody order he was forced to return my son to me. I did not file against him and did not file a complaint but did gain an enemy that day. His ego was hurt, since he realized he had little parental rights over our son.

Legal battles can be quite a hassle when it comes to kids as many of the parents here can agree I am sure. I would advise you and all to make sure to document EVERYTHING.

If he refuses to sign over his rights - document everything:
What days you spoke, on the phone, in person, etc.
When he gives money and how much.
When he sees the child and for how long and at who's request.
Try to get all agreements notarized if you can't get to a court room.
Send him all official requests by certified mail so that you know if he received it.

Find out all your rights.
Here is the real big thing to keep in mind.
You are educating yourself to know how to prepare, defend and battle should you NEED to, but DO NOT start unnecessary battles.
Always try to communicate first.

Best of luck to you!!!!

Michell