Hi everyone, I'm new and found this board through Google search. I live in las Vegas, NV and I was served custody papers by the father on Sunday.

I am 7 1/2 months pregnant, and my pregnancy had a pretty rocky start. The father and I were no longer together when I found out I was pregnant. I met with him and he demanded that I get an abortion. He also told me that he couldn't afford to pay for it.

the day I was scheduled to go in I began spotting, and for the next 3 days I bled and cramped, and finally passed a huge clot. I went to my ob/gyn and was told that yes, I had had a miscarriage and 'passed the fetus'. I was prescribed birth control and an antidepressant.

4 weeks later, when I had not gotten a period, I got the balls to take another pregnancy test. Positive. I called my doctor, who stubbornly insisted that I had probably had an incomplete miscarriage and sent me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a teeny-tiny little 13 week old baby.

I informed the father that day and he was infuriated. He sent an email demanding that I still get an abortion (there was no way I could get rid of the baby after having seen it waving at me on the monitor). Then he said that if I wouldn't abort the baby, he refused to pay any of the bills throughout the pregnancy and would absolutely not see me or come to any of the doctor's appointments. he maintained that he wanted joint custody, pending a paternity test.

Since then he and I emailed a few times here and there, but he would never contact me unless I contacted him first. about two months ago I made the effort of inviting him to an ultrasound and he said he would come--but only if he could bring his girlfriend. when I told him ABSOLUTELY NOT, he refused to come. After that, he emailed to say that he expected to be allowed to bring his girlfriend with him to the hospital on the day I deliver the baby. At that point I sent off an irate email and there hasn't been any correspondence since.

I was served custody paperwork on Sunday. He wants 50% legal and physical custody, a DNA test to prove paternity, and for the baby to have his last name, among other demands. He is representing himself--thankfully, I have a lawyer, whom I'm meeting with this week.

I want to get sole custody with visitation rights to the father for at least the first year, while I am breastfeeding. I don't want this selfish man and his girlfriend anywhere near the baby, but I will compromise and allow him to visit--after he's attended an infant caretaking course.

I have been very careful to save every single e-mail, as that is the only way we have corresponded throughout the pregnancy. I'm very stressed out about this whole situation, and I can't help but wonder how much pull a man can have who abandoned me financially, refused to come to doctor's appointments, and demanded an abortion can possibly have in court.

Any advice???

Hello,

I'm sorry you're getting so much extra stress piled on you during your pregnancy. The father sounds like a real jerk. I can't believe he'd expect to be inviting girlfriends to your delivery.

It sounds like you're doing the right things, however, keeping up with documentation and retaining a lawyer. It sounds very unlikely that he'll get anything that he's asking for. It's difficult for good and caring fathers to get split physical custody, let alone someone who's doing the things that you describe.

The most likely situation will be that you have sole physical custody, and he will get visitation. Your lawyer should handle this for you. Good luck and welcome to the site.

Later,
Bobby

thank you so much for the support, Bobby.

Wow. What an exhausting emotional ride you've been (and still are) on! And that little baby's not even here yet!!!

First of all, I agree with both you and Bobby that inviting his current girlfriend to an ultrasound and the actual delivery are absolutely 100% inappropriate. What a total jerk to even THINK that that would be ok!

Unfortunately, I have no understanding of legal "stuff." So I'm not the person to ask about what his limits are. I just wanted to let you know that you have my sympathies. Hopefully someone else will be more helpful than me.

Oh, and BTW, welcome to the site! This is a great place to get support and friendship from many who've "been there" or "still are."

quote:

Originally posted by skarletcharity:
thank you so much for the support, Bobby.

No problem. I'm just saying true stuff. Hopefully it'll take some stress off of you; I'm sure you could stand to lose some stress.

I also gotta say, that I'm usually consoling fathers who don't have the legal system working in their favor. It's nice to talk to a mother who the legal system is likely to protect. Take Care.

Later,
Bobby

How did he manage to serve you custody papers before the baby was born? It must be a state thing because I tried getting paperwork started for child support and such and they told me I have to wait until the baby was born.

Anyways, he is representing yourself and you have a lawyer? heh no brainer = ) I'm sure you will be fine. Sucks for the stress but you just take care of YOUR wanted baby and you = )

Just a shot in the dark here, but I am sure that you could use him taking you to court DURING your pregnancy as some form of "neglect" or "endangerment" to the baby as it is putting a pregnant woman into an extremely stressful situation...just a thought....look into it...

First, welcome to the site. I am also fairly new here and everyone has been great.

Reading your post really reminded me of my Ex. Total jerk, thinks the world revolves around him. My Ex brought his new visibly pregnant girlfriend to the courthouse when the temporary orders were being drawn up. He wanted to bring her to the courthouse for the divorce also, but she did not want to get in "middle" of things (no kidding). My lawyers actually wished that she had come during the divorce, to show the judge how much of a moron he was. Maybe yours will get his GF to come to court so the judge will see her. I kind of know how you feel. We were still together when I had my daughter, but he did try to bring his GF to my house for my son's birthday party not even a month after the divorce. I am sure the judge will be able to see what kind of guy he is by all of your correspondences and he won't be able to get what he wants.
I am sure your attorneys will do this, but make sure they try to get you some money from this idiot for medical expenses for having the baby. I do not know the law when it comes to this, but I think because he is trying to have 50% custody he is definitely acknowledging the child. Make sure you get child support. Which is probably why he wanted 50% custody (so he would not have to pay CP).
I can say for certain that he will NOT get custody for the first year because of the breast feeding. The judge has to do what is best for the child. I do not know how it is in Nevada, but in Texas there is no standard for custody for children under three. That is the age where standard custody comes in. However even that can be fought. For my 13 month old, my Ex has visitation only on mutual agreement by the two of us. For my three year old, he has overnight visits Fri-Sun on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend. However that Thursday - Sunday thing works does not even start till they turn 5. He also does not get that 30 day summer period till they turn 5. I was able to do this because he is to self absorbed to watch the children properly.

Hopefully this helps.

First off, welcome.

Second, I am happy to hear you got an attorney. However, I do find it odd that he was able to serve you before the baby was born. I wont go into details of rights or anything as your attorney will be able to tell you all that but man, that guy sounds like a piece of work.

One thing that should relieve you: your ex, and his girlfriend, for that matter dont have a say in being there when you have the baby. You dont even have to let him into the room. As a matter of fact, the whole time you are in the hospital, you dont have to see him and you DONT have to let him see the baby. How about them apples! lol That is something that you shouldn't be worried about.

BTW, what did your attorney say about him filing before the child is born? I'm rather curious as I'm not familiar with that practice.

Anyway, welcome to the site and I hope you find the support you are looking for here. People here are generally wonderful and you will make friends fast I'm sure

Hello, - i recently finished all sorts of legal stuff with my ex, who also had served me very unexpectedly - it worked out for me, but i was so scared throughout... so just a small note, they used to have something called tender years law, whereby a small child could not be taken away due to breastfeeding, etc....it's not like that anymore (in some states anyway( - the courts really try to do the 50/50 thing and expect mom's to pump...
sorry to tell you such a scary thing, but i know that when i was going through it, i wanted all the info I could get...but like i said, it worked out for me and i'm sure (judging by your ex's antics) it will be fine for you also...judges know...

quote:

singlein08

How long were you and your ex separated when he asked to bring his girlfriend to his child's birthday?? ..
My ex and I broke up when our son was 8 months old. I did get a new girlfriend and a little over 3 months later when my son's birthday came around my ex refused to let my girlfriend come. She said only over her dead body would my girlfriend ever meet our son. I went without my amazing girlfriend but was not impressed. I'm still with that girlfriend over 4 years later and she still hasn't met my son. She bought my son birthday gifts and I had to tell her "I'm sorry you spent money on those presents but my ex is not going to let our son have them and she isn't allowing you to go to his party" It broke her heart and I still think that was wrong of my ex.. she had no problem inviting her boyfriend and my girlfriend couldn't even send a gift. I think it made her look beyond and jealous and I don't think it was in my son's best interest. Your situation is probably much different but I've always wondered what she was thinking when she was so harsh about my son's birthday. I guess I'm hoping that maybe you can help me understand why bringing my girlfriend to my one year old's party would have been such a problem?? I'm just really trying to understand some of the things my ex has done.