hi everyone, i'm new here and i had a question. i'm trying to get sole custody of my 3 month daughter. her father though filed a motion for joint custody before i could do it first. my laywer drew up the papers for my cross-motion and when we went to court, my ex never even showed up. the case was post-poned for 2 weeks, but my laywer tried to see if i could get everything in my cross motion granted since no one had heard from my ex. we were supposed to go to court this coming monday,however, my ex called the court house requesting an adjournment so he could get a laywer. i was upset the judge agreed to delay, but my laywer said that a judge will usually allow ppl time to get a laywer. my question is, does anyone know what might happen or what a judge might rule at the next court date? i mean considering that my ex was the one that initiated the custody hearing in the first place and didnt even show up for it. he should have had a laywer to begin with, but i think he's just doing this to harrass me. i meant to ask my laywer this question, but i forgot. i'd call her back but its would probably be an expensive call. if anyone has an idea or an opinion that would be great.

First to remember is there are two types of custody, physical and legal. Physical being who the child mainly resides with and typically some sort of visitation schedule for the non custodial parent. And then legal custody being who makes all the decisions concerning the child/medical, schools, daycare, etc. Is there reasons why you feel that he shouldn't have joint custody? I mean some are concerned with the parenting skills if not just the safety of the child while with the other parent. For some it's a matter of child support, the more even the time spent with both parents the less child support that will usually be ordered to be paid. For some it's about wanting to have as much time as possible to care for and bond with the child. I'm just saying that so much of the judges decision will be based on why each parent is asking for what they are, and what's best for the child taking into consideration work schedules, daycare situations, and so much more.

At any rate, since the judge granted a continuance for him to get a lawyer it will be pretty much as though you'll be just appearing for the first time and that he didn't miss a hearing yet. (Which is a little surprising, they'll often just rule in favor of the parent that did appear since he didn't ask for this continuance prior to missing the first court date.) But anyway, things can vary depending on your location so for the most accurate answer to your question you really should ask your lawyer. For example here since both sides are asking for different things, they would be required to meet with a mediator to try to come to an agreement that way before the judge would even make a ruling. Otherwise the judge will be required to make that choice and would give both sides an opportunity to present their reasons for their request and any evidence to support why that would be the best for the child. Depending on lots of things a judges decision might take a while, with other court dates, more mediation appts. so that a mediator could access both parents and their wishes and make recommendations to the judge for consideration. Anyway, just saying it could be a process and take time.......or.......if he doesn't show up this next time, I'd wager a bet that the judge would just order in your favor.

i'm asking for sole legal and custody with no visitation rights for my ex because during the time we were together he was abusive, verbally, emotionally and physically. the abuse only got worse when i got pregnant. he made it clear while i was pregnant he didnt want the baby, going so as far as threating to me that i wasnt going to have it. i really believe that my daughther's safety is at risk if she's with him. my laywer did say that usually custody hearings involve a mediator, but i have a restraining order against him, so that would make it more difficult. i was just hoping that him not showing up would go against him. i'm just so stressed out about this. thanks for the reply.

Hi May and welcome.
Don has done a very nice job of summing it up for you.
Here is something to consider. You also have to prove that your daughter can be in danger it is not enough to just say you think she is, there has to be proof. I am sorry for your concern.
If you are unable to get what you want and you are in fear for your daughter it may be a good idea to go with a court appointed liaison. Keep in mind if you go this route not only will your ex be looked at very closely but so will you. The one and only concern for this person is the well being of the child. It can also cause more hard feelings between you and your ex. Do you really need more difficulties with him?
Although it is difficult to do you will have to find a happy medium.
I wish you the best. God bless.