Hello;
My family & I moved here to the East Coast from Co. My son was raised in the small town back there. In Dec.2003, on his 19th b-day, he found out he was the father of a 2 month old son living in Co. Immediately, he began sending support; money & clothes etc. to the mother of his son. We welcomed this child & his mother, & it was confirmed this was our grandson; paternity was established. Sons name is now on the birth certificate. We flew Mother & child out in June 2004. She decided to stay. Wanted to marry my son. He does not want to get married but wants to raise his son. He is making a decent income & has a strong support network. He asked the mother (R.J.) to remain with him & his brother in thier apt. in Va., willing to support her & baby. She agreed. They have gotten along pretty well, but she decided to leave & go to AZ (where her mom lives) on Oct. 2 because Son wouldn't marry her. They agreed to work out custody & support payments amicably. 36 hours ago, he found out her mother had changed the ticket to today, Sat. He was devestated & said he would take care of the boy if she'd like to go for a visit, but since no paperwork was done, he was not happy with her taking the child. She basically told him that was too bad... She slapped him & kicked him telling him that he had no rights... Well, we know better & my son did not get physical back. She apologized later, saying the ticket was round trip & she'd be back the 26th of Sept. He found out this morning the ticket was one way. He told her to get a round trip ticket & notarize a statement & she could go. She refused. So today, she had a friend come get her to take her to airport. Son laid down behind the car & wouldn't let her leave ~ he called the police while he was laying there in the rain. They arrived & told him this was a civil matter. However, he had as much rights to the child & now that they had the situation documented, if she does not return on the 26th, he can file kidnapping charges on her & have the child returned to him... She confirmed she'd be back on the 26th & my boy let them go... She's on a plane now due to land in AZ in 2 hours. I feel my son needs to file something, anything, with the courts on Monday. Please help! What can he file, what should he do? Please advise! I have no doubts RJs family will advise her to do something as well. We do not want to be vindictive or mean. We know Son probably needs a lawyer but right now the finances aren't there. Thank you!

I can't tell you much that is encouraging at this time but one thing you can do is hit the yellow pages and seek out any family support centres in your area. You may not find a lawyer there but you should be able to find guidance from people in the know. A tough situation for you and you have my best wishes. Also try browsing the web for these services.
Good luck

Why won't he marry her?? She obviously loves him, he loves his baby. Right now, unless you are all independantly wealthy and can afford a $30,000 custody battle across state lines, I would tell him to bite the bullet, buy her a ring, work on becoming a family, and don't pi** her off. Men have very, very few given rights. They have the right to pay child support, that's about it. I wouldn't send her any clothes, just money in the form of a check. He should also write 'child support' in the memo. It sounds like he has broken her heart by not wanting to get married. I think that's why she left. She was humiliated, and hurt. She wants a father for her child, he sounds like a good dad. Legally, the easiest way out of this situation is by going straight through. If he marries her, he will automatically have full parental rights.

The reason he doesn't want to marry her is not important.

Since paternity has been established, he should go to the local courthouse and file for visitation and joint custody. Hopefully, he has documentation like her mail stating that she lived with him and he provided support.

He will need to have her served immediately and set the court date. A local paralegal or attorney could assist with this portion. Going on line could provide the court documents immediately and he could save some time.

According to the Uniform Child Custody Act, the state of residence is the place where the child has lived for the past 6 months or longer. So, he will be able to establish that the child's place of legal residence is his home state. He needs to file before she does or the courts could establish jurisdiction in another state causing a whole other problem.

Have him take pictures of any bruises on his body as a result of the incident and make sure he attaches copies of the police report. Trust me, do not wait until the 26th, it will be too late.

Now even if she does return, he should still follow through with this. This way, he can guarantee his rights.

If you don't have the money for an attorney contact legal aid. They should be able to help. Live above file papers now before she gets a chance to. I just have to say I give your son prps for being so dedicated to his son.

To Leftover,
I don't know what twisted minnesota town (I can say that I lived in Minnesota) you live in. But men have as many rights as women do in the custody of a child. They are good for more than just child support. If you read this post you would noticed that the man (even at 19)has done everything to support this girl and his son. except marry her, and thats more than can be said for most unmarried dads. and to suggest that he marry her and learn to love her. That would be placing the child in an unhealthy environment. You have some major issues that you may want to get figured. Out.

You have some major issues that you may want to get figured. Out.
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Chicagomom,
You are always snapping at people...what's up with that? Leftover is entitled to her own opinion, as you are. Maybe that is her own experience....She does have a point about marriage and custody regarless if that is something you or I may or may not do.


MollyOH
Ldysnoopy has good advice...don't wait to file your concerns. Make sure you get the documentation, filing early will show the court that your son did not want her to leave from the get go...backed by the police report. Find any way you can to get that done asap. Keep us posted.

Just a reminder that we are here to support each other. Differing opinions are expected and welcomed. We just need to be careful how we personally address another's opinion.

Its nice to see you have raised your son correctly in taking responsiablity for his child.

Him not wanting to marry her is his choice he shouldnt marry the wrong person and Im sorry I believe they are both 2 young to get married.
A child in this world doesnt change the fact that
the statistics show a divorce is soon to follow at such a young age. And you cant make your heart love someone this is something that is out of a persons hands.And he is doing the right thing in my opinion not wanting to marry someone he isnt wanting to marry.

He does have rights its just up to him to inforce them and now days allot of states are seeing both parents as equals, rather then mother gave birth mother has more rights.