Hey guys,

I am a mother of two beautiful girls whose father has been in jail 5 of the last six years. He has only seen them three times in the last year and does not send child support (nor have I filed legally as I wanted him to do it on his own). He went to jail for cutting a man down his face and throat and went back to jail after I had the second child for violating his parole--DWI. I want his right terminated. He has been abusive to me but I never charged him with anything so I have no proof of that. He has no job and now that he has a felony he may not have one anytime soon. However, because NC only recognizes certain reasons for terminating rights of which the only one my situation qualifies is that he has never supported them. I hate the idea of them being given to him to care for if something should happen to me when my family is the only family they have known!

Can anyone relate?

Jeanne

Jeanne,

I can relate to not wanting your children to go to a man they don't know if something should happen. My son has met his father only 2 times his whole life by his father's choice, not mine. I have made up guardianship papers and a will to ensure that he doesn't go to his father. I haven't and won't terminate his rights because I want my son to be able to make up his mind himself later when he is capable of making such a huge decision. His father was never abusive to me, however, so I can't speak from that point of view.

Good luck to you and your children and welcome to the site. I hope you find it to be as helpful and comforting as I have!

I can't completely relate, but I know how you feel. My son's father is a pretty typical deadbeat dad, but hasn't been in jail or anything. He has seen his son once in the past year-sends child support sporadically and only after the state tracks him down to take money from his paycheck.

But I DO know how you feel about not wanting your child to go to him if something were to happen to you. It makes me want to cry just thinking about that thought. I know it differs from state to state...I was living in Vermont when I first talked to a lawyer about guardianship if something should happen to me. According to him, I could write something up but when it comes down to it, it is most likely that care of my child would go to his biological father regardless. Now, if he and my family could work something out that would be one thing, but I have a feeling he would take my son just to spite my family. And I worry he wouldn't allow visitation and would just be a big pain about it. I know its a heartbreaking thought. I get caught up in catastrophizing things sometimes. My head swims with millions of "what ifs". And its easier said than done, but try, try, try not to think about that so much it depresses you. Take the first step and talk to someone in the legal field who can really give you a good idea of what the laws are where you are. And you might as well do what Ty's mom suggested...write up some guardianship papers just in case. You never know what might help in court if something should happen.

I do sympathize with your worries though, I really do. It's a terrifying thought to think of someone you don't trust taking care of your child.

Good luck...and if you ever want to chat, I'm living in NC now also and would love to meet other single parents.