Sorry fellas, I am about to go on a rampage

What kind of world is it where men can still do their stupid "wink-wink-crazy-women" bull*** and get what they want?! What happened to equality? What happened to listening to both sides of a story?! I had mediation this morning, and we had a male mediator. This guy listened to what the ex had to say, nodding and agreeing and listing attentivly to his ridiculous story about how he should have full custody of my son because I didn't call him before enrolling Blair in school. Then it was my turn to talk, at which point I went into great detail as to how dad doesn't care for Blair, dad refuses to take responsibility for himself, Blairs behavior problems have escalated, and how the ex does things like putting Blair in my car with soiled pants, doesn't give him baths, and goes against my wishes at any opportunity that presents itself. I went on to explain how Blair desperately needed consistancy and stability in his life, and most important, Blair NEEDS to stay in one place or more than a few days before being shipped off again somewhere else. Blair had never spent more than a week anywhere in his life. I really think that getting Blair to stay in one house or two or more weeks solid will dramatically change his behavior. Right now he goes to his dads for three days and my house for four. Nothing can be enforced because Blair is always leaving. I told him about the 13 year old boy who watches my son when he's at his dads. This 13 year old has OCD, ADHD, & Turrets syndrome. Big surprise that Blair acts just like this little boy, who he worships. He cusses, has an attitude, talks back, and blatantly disobeys me. I told the mediator all of this, and he smiled so sweetly, glanced at my ex and said "Ideally I would give you both half of the time, one week on, one week off. But this is not an ideal situation. I don't think it's in Blair's best interest to be away from either of you for more than a couple of days. I think I am going to recomend that Blair switched every one or two days"

WHAT?!

Is this man insane? Did he listen to me at all? What the hell is going on?! My judge is well known to take the mediators recomendation without thinking about it. I know in our past battles, he's always done whatever the mediator recomended. Now I am petrified that this guy is actually going to recomend this! He did say he was going to call Blair's school and talk to Blair's doctor about the problems I've been having with his potty training regression, and the answers he gets from that will make up his mind. But what is making me so crazy is that he didn't even think that the ex's visitations should be reduced at all! He thinks he should get more?! WHAT?! Oh gawd, I am so sad and scared that I am going to lose my son to his evil influence, and that I am one day going to have to let him go completely because his dad will fill his head full of resentment for me. It's terrible hearing your four year old echo insults your ex used to say to you, but to know he will grow up believing that breaks my heart. I don't really need advice, but some encourangement would really help.

Where's the rampage? I thought you were gonna really go off on something. You seem to be thinking straight..and maybe you need to document the behavioral issues your son has and link them with the visits to his Dad's house. Are video tapes submissible? A 4 year old cussing, peeing his pants, insulting me...I'd think anyone would see that a change is in order!

How is the counseling thing going?

He hasn't started yet. Thats the problem with state funded sliding scale counselors, you gotta wait.

That's awful. Just because he isn't threatening suicide he has to wait. Have you looked into some of the churches in the meantime? I know that some Christian counselors (not even necessarily through a church) in our area also do sliding scales and have more available appointments.

I'm not a chuch type of girl. just trust me on this one. As far as my rampage, I am just frustrated at the attitude of my mediator, he seemed not to listen to me when I talked, he waved off most of what I said and only focused on that I didn't ask dad which school he wanted Blair to go to. (I did but he refused to talk to me about it then complained that I never talked to him.) The whole time I am talking, he's glancing at my ex like they are thinking "stupid chick doesn't know what she's talking about" I totally felt like what I said didn't matter, and it showed when he said that blair should go back and forth every other day. I must have said a dozen times "Blair needs consistancy and stability! He needs to stay in one place for longer than a few days" but he just wasn't listening. Very frustrating.

Seraphin,
I was cringing when I read you were about to go on a rampage. And then I read. Personally,I think you have every right to feel this way.

When you get back in front of the judge, take a deep breath and speak as calmly and matter of factly as you can muster. Let him know about the behavior going on lately. Explain that you are currently waiting for a counselor's input into the situation. Ask that he grant some temporary reprieve from the mediator's suggestions to give you a chance to get some qualified expert to evaluate Blair's behavior.
And then hope that the judge agrees.

Stay strong whatever the outcome is and keep on doing what you are doing to have Blair see a counselor for some help as to what's been going on with him. Sometimes all we can do is grin and bear it with some of the legal decisions that are made.

Good luck,
Don

Seraphin,
I agree with Don. Ask the judge for a reprieve from the mediators decision until the counselor has an opportunity to see Blair a FEW times. Be absolutly certain you have a counselor that will make a statement to or for the judge. FYI, insurance typically does not pay for court ordered counseling, so keep counselors names out of the court paperwork. I have had that problem (no statement from the counselor) and we are still into it a year later. Luckily it is in my daughter's favor it has been drug out so long. In your case however ... it does not need to be drawn out. You need action fast.
Good Luck,
Carla