I'm getting ready to go into a custody battle with my soon to be ex. He is wanting custody of our 4 year old daughter based on the fact that I've got a terrible shift right now. I work 2:30pm-11pm. The children were going to a babysitter who kept them until I got there and picked them up from bed at her place. But my ex just changed his shift. Now he's picking up my daughter from school, and taking her for the afternoon. Since he doesn't have beds at his place, he's still dropping ber back at the babysitter's to go to bed. This terrible shift is the only week point I have to my argument. Beyond that, I'm the primary caregiver. I have most of the clothes at my house. I buy her clothes. I help her with her homework, take her to her friend's birthday parties, take her to the doctor, interact with her teachers. Her registered adress at school is mine. I set up the babysitting.

But this has me running scared. How much of a problem is my schedule? We've got a shift bid in August, and I may or may not be able to get a better shift.

I've always been primary care giver. Even during the marriage he wasn't very involved. It was pulling teeth to get to leave the house without the children. He hated "babysitting" the children.

I have all the kids toys, their backpacks. Basically all their stuff. This matters, right? I want to ask my lawyer, should I quit my job? What do I need to do? I'm looking for another job, it's just hard when you have one job to spend any time job searching.

Oh, Charity. I thought it was too hard for him to take care of the kids on long term basis. If he is still going to bring her home to go to bed, you still have the late night problem. I could see him doing the babysitting instead of the sitter. Make it more shared custody, but home would still be where her bed is. You have a son in the same situation too, don't you. You will still have to take care of him in the same way. Do you think a judge will look at that? When is the court date set for? What kind of hours does he work? Do you think it's a ploy to decrease his expense for her? You know the babysitting costs? Would he be taking care of her or would it be his girlfriend? I don't know if this helps you at all, but just brainstorming. I sure hope things work out. I know babysitting should not be a reason for a mother to lose custody, but it has happened.

quote:

He is wanting custody of our 4 year old daughter based on the fact that I've got a terrible shift right now. I work 2:30pm-11pm.

How in the world does his babysitting and then dropping her off at the babysitter's for bedtime make anything into a better situation? I don't think you have too much to worry about. He wants custody yet he can't even keep her for the night? PlEEEase?!

I hope so. I'm just scared. Someone is trying to take my baby girl from me. That does strange things to you.

I'm more scared than usual today. I just found out he's trying to get a house. If I were rational I would say there is no way he can afford one. But there's no way he can afford a lawyer, and he's gone one.

The thing about the house is that he will get at least a three bedroom, so that he'll have room for the children. Then I loose part of the argument that how can he be primary parent when he doesn't have room for them.

But on the flip side, we both have verbage in our temporary orders that states that you can't have the children in your home for the night if you've got a live in boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't think he realizes that one will cut both ways. It means that the bedroms are totally pointless. Because the kids won't be able to spend the night at his place because he's got a live in. He just put it in his order to be a stinker, and to give the impression that I might be promiscouis, and I needed to be controlled. The fact that we both have it in will mean the judge will pass on that easily.

Really, he's thinking if he gets custody then he'll have a free ticket. That he'll have our daughter, and he can do what he wants with her. He thinks that he'll get custody, and then my baby girl will live with him, end of story, no more babysitter.

Is he going for custody of his daughter and going to leave his son with you? If I have read that right - then regardless of anything I can not understand any parent wanting to separate their children like that, it is disgusting. Surely any judge would see that the children should be kept together and right where they are now � with YOU! I am thinking of you Charity; I can only imagine how stressful this is for you. Talk to your lawyer, they may be able to allay some of your fear or tell you what you should be doing to counter him
Kia Kaha (stay strong)

My son is my child from a previous releationship. My husband married me when my son was three months old, so he's been Dad since day one. But yes, seperating the two of them is not right.

Today I had a really good conversation with the lawyer. She told me that my job situation only hurts the argument against my husband having the children overnight.

For gaining primary custody of the children, she sees nothing to worry about. Getting sole custody would be a bit of a battle, but it's acheivable, even with my schedule. To get him on supervised visitation would be a mud slinging contest, that really I would prefer not to get into.

So, my case is looking up, alot! Add to that I've got a great interview tomorrow!!!

Charity that all sounds positive, I am so pleased. I believe really strongly that siblings should not be split up, it is a sad reflection on your ex that he is even considering trying it. Good luck for the interview tomorrow, I will cross my fingers for you!
Aroha

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW CHARITY! You go get em!

I"ve got the job. On Monday I start with Boy Scouts of America. It's been a busy few days getting things taken care of. I work 8-4:30pm with Sat/Sun off. It will be a bit of a pay cut at first, but after the probationary period the money will be more than what I'm making right now.

Well, THERE YOU GO!

Charity,
Congratulations!!!!

I agree with the attorney and the others that posted. Keep up your guard but, don't worry about the custody battle.

Tonight was one of my normal nights home with the kids. I work seven days a week, mandatory overtime, but I've managed to schedule certain days so that I'm home. Fridays have normally been quite crazy as I work my hours, and then come home and have time with the kids, stressed out, trying to get caught up on laundry, dishes and things. Tonight I started back in on a modified version of what used to be our schedule. Incorporated some things the babysitters been doing with them for the past few months. I can't explain the difference. I guess I'm a lot more relaxed. I know I'm soon going to have more time. The kids were better behaved. I just feel like I'm not fighting everything any more. Everybody at work talks about burn out, and I guess that's what's happened. I've gotten burned out. My personal life has become so terribly stressful because I felt like I was always running.

Awful thing is, It's likely I'll have the hearing for Temporary Orders April 12, a week and a half into my new job. And then in about another month/month and a half, I have to go to court for modifications to my son's child support. And about 2 months after that, I'm hoping, crossing my fingers that I'll get back into court for the final divorce decree. But hey, Boy Scouts is excited to have me. I'm the strongest candidate they've had in a long time. Others, with less experience have been working for the, been promoted, and been very successful. They are grabbing for me with all their might. So, I'm pretty sure they are not going to fall to pieces over a few court dates.

Fantastic News, this new job sound like the start of lots of good things for you!