hi tonight is my first time here. I am 18 and the single-mother of a 14month old son. I am wondering if I need to get legal custody of my son. Me and my son's father have never been married but we are still somewhat together (not really). I was wondering if I already have sole-custody of my son due to non-marriage and the fact that my son lives with me and his father almost never visits? Do I need to go to a lawyer to get custody and is there anything to help cover the costs? I am a full-time student and cannot afford one. Will the courts choose the father over me? He has a f-t job and i don't. He lives with his mother in a very run-down shack. I live with my sister in a nice house and am trying to futher my education. Will they give me custody over him because of this if he tries to fight back for sole-custody? Does he still have to pay child-support if I get sole custody with visitation?????? Please help me !! I'm so lost.

I was never married never divorced never been to court with the father of my two children, we split up in 1995. He has been great about 95% of the time. I just came online to meet other single parents because I just cant stand it anymore (yes it took me 10 years).

I never thought I had to get legal custody of my kids. I recently asked a law professor friend of mine that question and I will post it under this post when I am done.

Reading the posts online has made me think that I have been very lucky. There is a woman right now that after many years, her ex suddenly moved out of state took her kids lied to the court and got full custody of them. That is scary and I am thinking it is unusual and hoping that.

If you need to establish child support you will have to go to the local child support office and they will represent you. You can also ask them about the custody thing. If you call your local united ways first call for help number, they can tell if you there are any free legal services in your area. I have heard all over the place how expensive lawyers are. Someone else on this site may be able to help you further.

My thinking on the getting legal custody of your child is..how much do you trust your ex how much of a complete you know what is he. The custody laws vary by state, here in MA you have to live within the same school district to get joint custody. If you take him to court, he may fight for it.

I do know that you would have to have some serious personal problems for the courts to take him AWAY from you. They cant disciminate against you because you are young, poor or live with your sister. As long as you provide a good safe home for your son, you are his mother.

I hope this helps and I will cut and past the thing from my friend below now.

quote:

Originally posted by workinhard2makealivin2:
[qb] hi tonight is my first time here. I am 18 and the single-mother of a 14month old son. I am wondering if I need to get legal custody of my son. Me and my son's father have never been married but we are still somewhat together (not really). I was wondering if I already have sole-custody of my son due to non-marriage and the fact that my son lives with me and his father almost never visits? Do I need to go to a lawyer to get custody and is there anything to help cover the costs? I am a full-time student and cannot afford one. Will the courts choose the father over me? He has a f-t job and i don't. He lives with his mother in a very run-down shack. I live with my sister in a nice house and am trying to futher my education. Will they give me custody over him because of this if he tries to fight back for sole-custody? Does he still have to pay child-support if I get sole custody with visitation?????? Please help me !! I'm so lost. [/qb]

hope you are doing well with you and the kids. The answer to
your question is very imprecise. First, 'custody' has both a legal and
lay-person meaning.

(1) "Legal custody" can only be granted by the court, following the laws
w/n each state (thus making it more difficult to answer the question
since I do not know Michigan law). So unless a court has formally ruled
upon custody what one has really is some sort of informal arrangement
recognized by both parties (biological mother and father). Most of the
time, the courts will look at the outstanding arrangement to guide them
on an issue relating to custody -- thus the importance of the informal
arrangement.

Furthermore, "legal custody" also has a more technical meaning w/n the
court system. The distinction resides in whether one the power to
determine certain things on behalf of the child. For instance, if one
has 'legal' custody then s/he would have the authority to determine
religious practices, schooling choices, medical issues,... So it is
possible that 'legal custody' can be 'shared' between parents, while one
parent has 'physical' custody and the other only visits.

(2) The lay-person meaning of custody is really this informal
arrangement that I spoke about above, that has not yet been recognized
by a court. Whatever that has been agreed to by the parties is what
determines who has physical custody as well as who has visitation. Such
informal terms might be threatened if either party wants to change the
terms -- thus usually sparking a legal matter in court. The court will
examine the present arrangement. It is NOT a rule of thumb that mothers
usually have legal and physical custody. It just depends upon what the
situation is presently. Courts usually take to the 'best interest' test
for matters concerning children. For instance, if they determine that
taking a child away from his primary home and placing the child in a
different home would disrupt the life patterns of the child, then they
might deem that it is w/n the best interest of the child to remain in
the present situation. Thus the importance of the status quo and
establishing a history or pattern of expectation for the child, i.e. if
someone has physical custody for even 6 months or however long, courts
might deem it as disruptive to take the child away.

(3) The above information is usually in situations where the couple is
married. Given the facts that you are dealing with involves unwed
parents. One could say that the weight is usually with the biological
mother to have custody -- unless it was a situation where the mother
gives birth, the child then begins residing with the biological father
and thus establishes the history, pattern of stability with the father.
With your situation being already 10 years old, where you have physical
custody (as well as what I would imagine as having the power to decide
matters on behalf of the child) I would doubt seriously that any court
would reverse the trend and all of a sudden grant custody to the
biological father. The most to expect if they go to court is that the
father might get visitation as well as certain aspects of 'legal'
custody, thus having the power to consult with the mother on important
issues relating to the child.

Know this is long, and imprecise, but things really vary state to state
and case to case. So the bottom line is really -- consult with an
attorney after they have had the chance to ask all questions and know
the details then they'll be able to give an evaluation of the case.

If anything, the strategy is to lay low so one could have the TIME to
establish the bond between child and parent, ie the pattern for stable
family life for the child.

Take care.

Andrew

Thank you ikelly that is very helpful.

Until there is a court order as to custody, should there be a dispute down the road as to who the child should be with, an officer of the law could possibly make an on the spot decision based on who has possession at that point in time. I am also assuming his name is on the birth certificate.
To preserve your right to child support payments you would seek joint legal custody, and perhaps sole physical custody with scheduled visitation for the father. Yes, "legal custody" only means that he can be involved in certain decisions concerning your child as an example medical needs.
As far as I can recall, custody arrangements will go hand in hand in determining child support payments when you seek support. I seem to remember years ago when my child support was set up that I had agreed on paper that the mother had sole physical custody, joint legal custody at that time. When the court ordered support, it was also ordering that custody arrangement as well.
Your local District Attorney's Child Support Division should be able to help you determine what you need to do.