Not the thread, but what is going on. "We" (my S/O and I, the evil one and his S/O) went to the family blending therapy the other day.
Now, I was ready to go in there and mention a few things, such as the first day of school, and how Hitler literally tried to keep me away from my daughter. (He had her at the bus stop, and then drove to school to meet her off the bus.) How he's taking her to the doctor and not telling me, AGAIN. But no. I think he knew that and so had to find something on me. The last weekend I had my daughter, my mom slept over. I gave her my daughters bed, my daughters slept with me, and S/O slept on the couch. At like 8, the next morning, he came up and laid across the bottom of the bed.
On Fri. my daughter is telling me that she got a new Bratz doll, but I would get mad if she told me how she got it. I assured her I would not. She told me she had told her dad that she was uncomfortable when Danny had got into bed with us. Well, that is quite obvious that he is sexually abusing her, isnt it? Cause thats what the two psycho's were insinuating. After this meeting, my daughter tells me that she doesnt like going to the doctor when they have to pull your pants down, and poke their fingers "down there." So, he took her to the doctor trying to get them to call DCF on us!! I said that my daughter has been telling me that she has been sleeping with his S/O. Oh, did that get them all worked up!! She told me I was lieing through my f*%$ing teeth. I was like "oh, its a lie when she says something about you, but you fly off the handle if its about me." The therapist said that he and the other therapist would launch a full scale investigation on us, and have a forensic ingerview. (Already been through that) Her father has managed to get her "felt up", looking for abuse, 3 x now. And I am the sexual abuser?
Anyway, seeing the severity of these charges, and the way these two therapists have been brainwashed, this is getting to be serious. I know the evil one wants me to move back to my home town, and now I think I might just do that. Its making me sad to think about it, but I do have another daughter to think about, and what if this goes so far that she gets taken away? I've been backed into a corner, and there is nothing I can do.
I called her therapist to discuss things with her, because apparently if my daughter didnt say it in front of the therapist, I am just a liar!!
Do you think this is a cowardly approach I am taking? I feel like because I tell the truth, things will just fall into place. I've been reading up on this all morning, and it just doesnt work that way. Abuse is so unregulated, and judges tend to err on the side of caution, so I'm really in a bad situation. Some of you know that up until we started with these 2 therapists, everyone else had seen right through his antics. From what I'm reading it is so obvious what he is doing. He wants me to go away, and he is willing to do whatever he can to get me to do that. What can I do if I've got nothing but my word? This is so freaking crazy. Help!

Geez sane one....What the heck is going on there now
I'm afraid I really am at a loss for much advice on what to do. From the sounds of it he really is trying quite hard to push you out of the picture completely even at the emotional expense of his own daughter. What a jerk (my real thoughts would only be censored ***** anyway)

Many years ago, with my oldest daughter, I allowed her mom, new husband, and grandparents to intimidate me out of the picture,to the point of signing adoption papers even. That was back in my doping days in the 80s. It did not get easier to accept as the years rolled by. I always wondered how she was and as it turned out her stepdad and mom turned into the very type of person that I used to be, so allowing the adoption and stepping away didn't end up saving my daughter from anything really. Her mom is doing well/clean now but her step dad is still messed up, they recently divorced. Thankfully we have been reunited since then, just a couple years ago but all those years missed will always haunt me. She fully understands what happened and is just glad to have her dad back in the picture, she's in her 20s now and just recently gave me a grand daughter. I thought I was doing the best thing for her at the time.

Ultimately it's up to you to decide what's best. I wouldn't classify you as a coward if you chose to walk away, even the bravest of people would have a VERY difficult time dealing with what is happening now, it's not just about you as you said you have your other daughter to consider also.
You are right, this is crazy. Take some time to think it over. Hopefully some other responses are coming soon as well to help. My gut reaction would be to say to keep up the fight for your first daughter's benefit....but yes, that's a scary proposition considering your other daughter etc.

Well, you know, I thought of you when I was thinking about this. I know that later on she's coming back to me. No "sane" (hence the name)person would stay around him.
I asked my daughters therapist if I could have a meeting with her, and she thought that was a great idea. I find out that the doctor that the ex brought my daughter too is fed up with him. She said, "He made a fool of me last year, he's not going to make a fool of me again." She said that every 6 months, he tries to come up with a new allegation. Ha ha ha. I should'nt be so quick to jump the gun. I was just reading how if you are accused of this, you basically have no chance unless you meticulously document. I try, but I have the other daughter to tend to.
I told her how his sisters were abused and how his mom got his step dad sent to jail for abusing his older sister. She asked if he was ever abused. I said that if he was he'd never admit it. Stupid ex told this therapist that I was abused by my father when I was younger. This guy is off his rocker. He is paranoid and he is trying his hardest to get me out of my daughters life. How low though. The therapist said, that he must not understand how detremental that would be to my daughter. I really got my point across, and she listened. She thought maybe he should be taking some meds for his OCD.
Today, I have to go to a session w/ the "adults". (2 of us are anyway.)We'll see how this goes. Last week he was so sure the MD was going to find something. This week I am going to tell him he needs to apologize to us. Tell him how my daughter was telling me that she hates going to the doctor especially when they have to pull down her pants to look at her privates. She said, "They put their fingers down there mommy." He's had her checked like this 3 x now. She thinks its a part of every doctors visit. I think he gets his jollies out of it. He is the one with s*e*x problems.
Thanks Don. One of the things I wondered was how it felt for you during the time she was away. I really do appreciate your thoughts.

Well, I'm actually glad to hear that you haven't yet thrown in the towel. If you can keep seeing this through by all means do so. Just remember that caution and patience need to be your friend during this. I wish I could tell you that it will all work out in due time, but darn it, it already just confuses me how it has turned out so far.
It really was hard during all those years that I missed out on, all the wondering. And I also know that I must take responsibility for my part of that then, after all I wasn't exactly a model citizen. I figure it's even harder what you are going through, so hang in there and make your decisions with time and care.
And keep in mind......just in case......that my oldest is just tickled to have me back in her life, and me as well. She has a good understanding of what happened and why and doesn't hate me and for that I feel blessed. If it takes time because of an unjust situation than so be it, there are things that happen in life sometimes that just aren't right, and sometimes even the most just of people can't change a wrong. I'll just say a little prayer that you get this worked out

Awww Sane, that's horrible!

From what I've read so far, your ex doesn't have any evidence. The doctors he's used isn't likely going to stand in court on his behalf. You can even have them put it in writing what you just wrote here. I know it's easier to walk away but really, don't allow one man to make an entire family miserable. Stick to your guns and see it through. You have nothing to hide and although there's a lot of legal red tape, I really don't believe they have enough to convict anyone.

Hugs to you and I mean that!!
xo

Don. I thank you for your words of encouragement. Sometimes that's all a person needs, and that's why this place is so great. It's great that things worked out so well for you and your daughter. Someone said to me recently that things happen at the "right" time.
Thanks, Miss Jes. I was thinking that some of my best documentation is on the posts here.
Amy. I hear you. I don't really think her dad is an abuser, but I think that it makes him even more paranoid about it happening to her. The person he should worry about least should be me!! That's interesting about removing a child when a parent alleges abuse. I'm going to look that up in my state.
I wonder what my daughter is going to think when she gets older and reflects on these exams.
We went to counseling. My stomach was tied up in knots. You know who has the most hatred towards me? Its his g/f. Giving me a lecture about how I have 2 beautiful daughters and I better take care of them. She doesnt even know me. Whatever. They left p.o. ed. Little by little I'm getting my point across. I don't want him out of her life, he just has to stop being so possessive. Just because he doesnt want me to be her mom, doesnt mean I'm not her mom, and I'm sure she feels the same.
thanks for listening.

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
He's just an over-grown 2 year old having hissy fits because things don't go his way.

Ha ha ha. This is so true! The worst part is, is that the ex usually gets his way when he has his little temper tantrums. (I guess me not giving in just makes him even more mad.)
I wish I had the link right in front of me about narcissists. I'll bet if you read the characteristics of one, you will feel like your reading about your ex.
In one there is this joke. How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to wait for the world to revolve around him. Ha ha.