Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Law & Legal Issues Split custody|
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Lively & Zealous Parent |
My wonderful (
 ) ex husband had just informed that he is going to file for split custody, where the kids would stay with me four days and and him three days every week. Is this something that happens often it seems like that would be too hard on the kids. I will deffinatly fight it the best I can. When I filed for custody he never even responded, and never went to the required co parenting class so hopefully that would effect things some. has anyone seen this happen? |
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"Parent on Board" Lively & Zealous Parent |
My ex husband and I share custody as well. I have her one week and he has her the next and so on. I am honestly not sure how often this happens. I think every child is different in this situation depending on the relationship they have with their father and the relationship you have with their father. I have had this custody arrangement for 3 years and in my personal opinion and knowing my daughter I would so no this was not good for her. It makes it very hard to arrange social activities or sleepovers etc. Discipline differs at each home so that makes it difficult as well. If the father and I had a better relationship and the reasons for our divorce were differant I could see that it would possibly be easier. I hope everything works out for you and your kids.
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"Active Board Parent" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Well I have to say that every instance is gonna be different I have a good relationship with my my boys mom and even thou I have custody over the last 2 years I have increased her visitation to almost 50/50 and it works well for my boys but we have no problems comunicating.
On the other hand the custody arrangement my daughters mother and I settled on and have only been doing for a month is not going well at all, she constantly badgers me about what I am doing who I am with where I am going even when our daughter is not with me. When our daughter is in my care it is even worse. I was only able to get it to stop by threatening to cut off all comunication if it continued. There are other issues that make it hard for me to believe that in the long run this will be the best arrangement for my daughter, and I may be forced to limit the time that she is with her mother and the contact between her mother and me. Thankfully my daughter is young and so far doesn't seem to be affected by her mothers behavior. Courts in this country are leaning more towards shared custody because they think it is in the childs best interest but also because they don't want to have to pick one parent or the other based on a bunch of affidavits and a couple of days of testimony. So only you can know if it is in your childs interest to go with it or to fight it. I wish you good luck it is not an easy thing. Dali |
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I am New to SFV |
my "soon to be" (hopefully!) is doing the same thing strong... I feel very similar to you. I just don't see how being here there and everywhere is good for the kids. This is just my pov, that they need consistency and I'm just not comfortable with the idea right now. Sometimes I feel that a motivator has alot to do w/ spouse not wanting to pay child support....new to all of this and completely bewildered lately....Peace to you.
 TF |
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Lively & Zealous Parent |
That's exactly why my ex wants to do it. (child support) He told me that he is tired of paying and this is the only way for that to stop. (he has to pay 1000 a month) But when the kids are with me they aren't in day care, they stay with my parents two evenings a week. And with him, he works 80+ hours a week so he would never even be with them. Do they do drug testing? He smokes pot and I know he would come up dirty if they surprised him.
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"Board Blazen Parent" Board Beacon Parent |
I agree with Dali. That is what the court is looking for. I think any parents who have a "good" relationship, even though they've split dont really end up doing that. They are looking out for their childs best interest, just by getting along, despite what might have happened between them. My daughters father and I were like that in the beginning, and it seems that since we've been going to court, things just get worse and worse between us.
I also agree with the consistency. Any court thing we have to do, they look at the "agreement" we have as far as who gets her when, that we have and they can even see that it is confusing. Well, what can you do? |
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Learning to Surf The Board |
My ex told me the same thing...his reason was because we have 5 kids and he didn't want to pay child support. I would not allow that because there was no way that I could get a long with ex to even make that work...He wanted the kids every-other week. I think they do that as a scare tactic. If you belive it won't work then push for something else. don't let him badger you
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I am New to SFV |
I'm curious, you have custody of your girls. Why didn't your wife get them? I should have had both of my daughters after the divorce but my ex was worried about paying child support, etc... and pushed me into him having my youngest, me having my oldest. Bad decision on my part. I was the primary person that always took care of my girls and did everything with them, but I had to get a job to support myself, and it was very long hours and a very strict attendance schedule and he said he wouldn't be there to help me.
Just like to hear your story. Thanks
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I am New to SFV |
I pay child support on my girls. I miss being with them, waking up with them each morning. Not paying child support is not an issue with me, but it was with my ex and thats why he has my youngest. I wish that I'd done more homework on single parenting/legal issues before my divorce. He had the money for the attorney, my money went to moving. It's sad.
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Learning to Surf The Board |
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Learning to Surf The Board |
My fianc� is trying to get split custody right now, his schedule is every other Monday for dinner, every wed for dinner, every Thursday overnight and every other weekend overnight until Monday morning. To make things easier on the children, he has suggested that is be every Monday overnight, every Thursday overnight and every other weekend. His sole decision for this is because his children get terribly upset every time he has to drop them off at 8:00 pm on Mondays and Wednesdays after dinner, the children continuously state that they hate their mother for taking them from him and he has to spend his last 15 minutes of the drive dropping them off convincing them that she loves them and she is not doing this to hurt them. The children will be starting public school this year and this schedule will also allow them to do their homework without a rush and allow them to relaxed instead of being rushed off to the PPR home By doing this schedule it gives them equal time.
When they (my fianc� and his ex-wife) were in family counseling she stated that is was unfair to her and he was taking away her time with HER children, and to make things easier he needed to give up his time. Also, that if it becomes equal she will not be getting the child support that she justly deserves. He could give two donkey�s balls about the money!!! Before a judge ordered for him to pay support, the minute she moved out with the children he sent her a check every week, after the court ordered the support, she did not work for over a year because she had to finish her masters, so not only did he pay the ordered support he also paid and extra $1200 a month for the daycare of both of his children. Not because he had to, but because it was in their best interest. |
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Lively & Zealous Parent |
Well lets just say not all fathers are like that. And believe me, not all mothers are like that. I know that alot of courts tend to side with the mother, but I was just wondering how often the split custody thing is really done. He tells me that he know alot of people who have this arrangement and it wouldn't be hard to for him to get half custody. And with my ex he told me he was doing it cause he was tired of paying child support. He really has no intrest in our children
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I am New to SFV |
Call me crazy but it seems most orders are done this way not for the benefit of the child, but doe to $$$ reasons.
Children need consistancy, how does flipping them between households do that? I am lucky I guess, I have sole custody with resonable visitation. Still I deal with constant BS from my ex-- I can't imagine how it would be with joint/shared. |
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