Well, I'm not sure if anyone read my other post about my daughter's father. I'll start from the beginning so you all know where I'm coming from in my actions. Please bear with me.

Last September, my ex and I decided to split up. We were sick of each other and I was wishing I had left sooner. He had always been verbally and occasionally physically abusive. He had told me more than once, that if I tried to take Megan away, that he would kill me. We drew up an agreement between us only. Well, although he was paying for her daycare, he was taking her less and less (which was fine with me). But since I was having her more and more, it was costing me more and more. I just let it simmer until June when I filed for child support and got that done in late June. In the meantime, he was arrested in May for 4 counts of felony indecent exposure. He had previous charges of the same nature dating back years (he is 38 now). I bailed him out cause I still believed that he wouldn't do something like that if he thought it would jeopardize him seeing Megs. Well, after I won the child support case and they made him pay pots more, he was so mad at me that I got scared. I went to the courthouse and filed for an emergency hearing to determine custody/visitation. I did it on an emergency basis because of his past violence against me. I got a lawyer and we have been to court twice for visitation. The first one gave him Thurs evening thru Mon morning. After a while, he moved in with his GF an hour away. So, he started only taking Megs from Fri-Sun. We went to court again and my lawyer asked the judge for supervised visits based on his (still) pending criminal trial. We have a court-appointed special advocate and a guardian ad litem on the case and neither of them recommended that. Still the judge gave supervised anyway. But with stipulations. One being no corporal punishment by either parent. Fine with me. On Nov.14, I let my ex take Megan for an extra day to see his dad. That day, he "smoked her a$$" because she didn't eat what he had given her. I verified this with Megan just to make sure. On Nov. 18th, he was convicted on all counts of indecent exposure (they had been dropped to misdemeanors) and got a total of 2 yrs. He appealed and was out the same day. That weekend was supposed to be his weekend, but I denied it (on advice from my lawye and the CASA worker). I was terrified that he would show up at my house for some reason. He didn't. But I couldn't fully tell him why I was keeping Megs from him. I went this past week and filed a show cause against him for violating our court order and spanking Megan. We are supposed to keep telephone contact so that Meg can still talk to the other parent, but Megan hasn't wanted to talk to her dad. She says he's scary. And he heard her say that the other day. She's terrified of him and even the mention of him scares her. She was freaking out the other day cause she thought I was gonna spank her. I assured her that I wasn't and she was OK. I let the CASA worker know all this, since she has to put it in her report for the judge. We have court again next Friday. We have a parenting class together this Tuesday. The CASA worker is going to suggest giving me sole physical custody and letting the ex see Meg only with me present and only in public. He has told me he doesn't want that.

I know this is long, and I'm sorry, I'm almost done. My concern is this: should I get a protective order for me and Megan from the judge on Friday (the 10th of Dec) if it goes my way? I'm still scared of him, and Megan doesn't need to be around him if she's terrified too.

Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry again for length. Thanks

I don't have a lot of advice, just want you to know we support you. Unfortunately the system does not always see the need to protect our children the way we do. I completely understand. I hope all goes well and for the best interest of you and your daughter.

ABSOLUTELY! This man is definitely not dealing with a full deck, and I know the signs, my ex was verbally and physically abusive to me, and then the day came when he went after our daughters...thank goodness I was able to get us out of that situation, and frankly, even though we now live over 1000 miles from him (the girls have telephone contact only -- I have it stipulated that until he gets counseling, along with attending AA/NA, he will NOT be able to see the girls. His choice is that he doesn't think he needs help...), I still get scared of him when he calls.

Keep up the excellent work of documenting and reporting everything, and get that protective order. Believe me, if I could go back 10 years in time, and have the courage you are showing now, I would do it in a minute. I didn't, and while I have paid a price for not doing what I knew was right at the time, we have moved on, and so can you.

This man is not in appreciation of his actions or that of the courts. Yes, protect yourself and your child. Definitely.

Is your lawyer supportive of all your needs? If so then tell him/her to push for protection. If not then seek a second opinion.

This is not meant to be a silly or sarcastic question, but, why would you not get a OFP?

Leftover, it's not taken as such. I think I should, I just wanted to see if others felt the same way. I kinda felt like I was being too freakishly cautious, but I feel like I need to. Not only for Megan, but for me and my son as well.

And to everyone else, thanks for the advice. I'm going to give my lawyer a call tomorrow. She's been wanting Megan's dad out of the picture from day one. So, I don't think she'll object to anything I want right now. Thanks again, I'll keep this posted.

Trust your gut, it's usually right.

Hi Adrianne,
I agree with you. You shouldn't have to feel scared in your own home. A protective order may not protect you from him because obviously he doesn't care what the court orders say, but at least you are showing the court that you are afraid and have taken the steps to safety. Protective orders have saved lives and the ones they don't save at least have proof that the fear of someone was there. Don't think that your feelings are freakish....you have been through something that has brought that on and are just looking out for yourself and your daughter. That's your job and your sole responsibility now. I think it shows courage to stand up to your fear and do what you have to do. You've conquered half the battle already. Hang in there...give that man an inch and he will take a yard. Don't give him anything...protect yourself how you see fit. If a protective order entered your mind it must have entered your mind for good reason. Trust yourself.

I had my parenting class tonight. The ex wasn't there, but I was almost expecting that. I talked to my lawyer about the protective order and she said that it would be hard to get if he gets any kind of visitation. But we'll just have to wait and see what court has in store on Friday. Thanks for the support everyone!

We got our fingers crossed for you Adrianne. Be strong and keep doing what you know is right even when and because he doesn't.

How about supervised visitation? That is a stipulation I was granted when I received full legal and physical custody of my daughters. Depending on your laws in your area, it might be something that the court can mediate, without costing you any extra $$.

This way, you don't have to be around him while he visits with your daughter, YET, he will be watched thoroughly, so you don't have to worry about Megan.

Just a suggestion.

That's what we have now as out temporary order, and his girlfriend was to supervise. He still beat my Megan's tail even with the supervision. His anger can't be controlled and it's unpredictable. His psychiatrist testified that in court last month. That's a big reason I'm so afraid for my daughter to be there without me. Court is Friday at 2 (EST), and then Megan has an appointment to see a child psychologist at 4, so we'll see how it goes.

Please keep us posted, and PLEASE make sure his girlfriend is DROPPED from supervising...she is an enabler to the situation and should have no rights in supervising these visits, PERIOD.

I am sending you lots of faith and strength your way!

Well, that's what we are working towards. Thankfully, Megan has a wonderful court appointed special advocate (CASA) that I am working very closely with. She has already submitted her report about all of this, so we don't think he's going to get anything unless it's supervised by me. That's the only safe visitation we both feel.

Thanks for the support!