Does anyone out there know at what age a child can say they do not wish to visit their parent as legally set out in the divorce agreement? Does this refusal to go on weekend with the parent, give that parent the right to withhold maintenance payments? Do you need to go to court to get visitation arangements chanced?
Backround info:
The new wife is making life very difficult for my children. Can I get my ex-husband to visit childern in my city and not take them back to his house where new wife is?

I don't know how much help this is since you're in S Africa..

I found some info from the South African library or congress online regarding obstruction of parental visitation.

The exact text is, "If a custodian parent obstructs the visitation rights of the other parent in any way, he can be held criminally responsible and be held financially liable to a fine exceeding $200 rand, and/or imprisonment for a time not exceeding one year"

In the US, a divorce agreement is a legally binding document that must be followed until it is changed, by a judge, in court. In the US, if a child doesn't want to go for their court ordered visitation, and the custodial parent allows the child to decide, that parent can be held in contempt of court for disobeying the order.

In the US, it's not the child's decision. The CP is responsible for the child, and obeying the order. If the child doesn't want to go, then you will have to go back to court and the child will have to testify. From the text I found, I'm assuming S. Africa laws are probably very similar.

If you have a court order regarding maintenance and visitation, then you have to follow it! Child support can't be withheld, and neither can visitation. Otherwise the divorce agreement would be pointless. You nor your ex-husband can decide to change it.

Follow the order to be on the safe side until you can speak to a lawyer. You really don't want to end up in jail for contempt of court.

:welcome: , Bel,
I trust the Commander found the right references and is totally right.
But imagining my (divorced) Mom telling me that I must go see (remarried) Daddy (and his hateful new wife) or Mom will go to prison does not seem to be a solution.

I believe your kids can feel how you feel about the new wife (ref your other post), and they react accordingly. Logical.

Logically it is also for you to do the first step:
either go back to court and get the court order modified, or try and get used to the new situation.

It might also be worth talking to the father, maybe he can make a compromise and meet the kids elsewhere for a while, make the transition easier. I can totally understand not accepting the new wife automatically, for you, but especially for the kids it must be terrible.
They must find a place in their hearts for that woman who is not their Mom, not their Stepmom, not their friend, what on earth is she supposed to be ?
It takes years, but if in the meantime a kind of peaceful 'cohabitation' for all of you is possible, that would be the best.

Easy for me to be so harsh, I know.

You definitely need an open and frank discussion with the father. Is he fully aware of the children's feelings and why they feel that way? Can he solve some of the issues at his end?

Speak to a lawyer and do your research.

I feel for your child and you. We're going through the same thing. The stepmother seems to think she can tell my daughter and I what we need to do. She even called the school to get her grades then jumped all over my daughter for not doing well in math. She has no legal rights to call the school. So I have to write the school a letter stating not to give her any info.
It's hard as the mother of these children to send their children to a place they don't feel welcomed or wanted. Hard for the children to be there.
BTW, it's nice to find a site for us mothers. Found countless one's for stepmothers.

How can you prove if the visitation took place or if it didn't, who's fault it was?