I have made many attempts to get the Father of my children ( 1 is 13 & 1, is 20) to parent with me amicably without success. He quit his job and moved 4 hours away, with no regard to his visitation with our 13 year old son. My Son has been so hurt by his Fathers absence, and disregard to return his messages. He finally got an e-mail, but it was filled with derogatory Mommy bashing content. He asked my Son to look up the word 'Vindictive', well he did, and the hurt here is overwhelming. His wages finally got attached, after a year of no support, and he chose to throw that at my Son as well.. That he says it must not be good enough.
I am at a loss here, and since I have no one to talk to about this, and my Son is NOT AN OPTION of course, I am turning to those of you on SFV.
I have prayed on this and feel that the open vistation needs modifying. At this point, having read this e-mail to my Son,that states how angry my Ex is, I feel 'Supervised Visitation' would be best. Unless and until this Man can learn how to hold a comversation with his Son. Until he learns that our Son just needs to be a kid, and not be involved with his Fathers anger, and the topics that should stay between the adults involved. My son is being used as a sounding board for his Father to lash out.
I am hurt on so many levels. When my Son chose to look up this word Vindictive, and read it aloud, I finally had to cry. Something I do in the shower, if necessary. This has been so hard. My Son and I need diversions, but I would like the peace of knowing I have modified this Visitation Order, or at the very least, got it before the court or Mediation to have them hear my concerns.
What do you think, and what would you suggest?
I look forward to some words of Knowledge & Support..Thanks in Advance

I think you should always go with your gut feeling, after all these are your babies, and it is your responsibility as a caring parent to protect them. My ex (the kids step-father) has also tried these types of email, never ending well for anyone involved. He hasn't had much contact with the kids, and when he does it is usually something like your experience. Talk to your lawyer, print off all the emails (I keep mine in a binder), they will see it is not a healthy situation for your son.

Hi Debra, and welcome to the forum.
You are right, it is definitely out of line for him to be bashing you like that to your son.
It sounds like he hasn't been doing visitation, so I'm just not sure that changing it to supervised visitation is going to change anything. In my experience supervised visitation often makes it even less likely that they will visit at all and could cause more animosity in such a situation. It does sound like some parenting classes are in order and if possible I would try to lean towards that direction, he should learn to keep his relationship with his son strictly about just that, and not bring the adult problems into it. Usually supervised vistitation is something the courts will agree with if the child is in possible physical danger from being with the other parent.
I do know it's aggravating dealing with a parent that just isn't being a parent and even hurting what you are trying to accomplish....raising a child to be a loving, responsible person.
The truth to it all is that we can't change the other parent, heck if we could we likely wouldn't be single right?
Something else to think about perhaps is counseling for your son, to help him deal with the feelings of rejection etc. that often come with a non involved parent. It's important for the kids to know that not only are they not to blame, but that they need to realize their own self worth regardless of the other parent's actions or lack thereof.

Oh, and yes sunshine hit it on the head. Keep a copy of all this correspondence and a journal of all contact and what took place. Remember that a journal should have nothing but the facts stated and not personal opinions and commentary. A judge is more likely to read and consider a journal of facts of events, then reading "personal emotions"

Thanks for the adivice..I have kept them in a folder on my IN BOX..
And Don I know your right about the facts vs. emotional banterings...But I cannot alter all the content...
Do you all think I should print them and highlight the areas of concern, or would that be considered bias on my part.
I have to be honest here, I have had my "two-cents" before I learned how to lay my sword down, but that was long ago, and I know I have always, always been consistant about our Son should and should not be exposed to. I did go through the e-mails..I have sure encouraged this man a great deal, more than I thought.
Paid for his visits to see our Son and such...
Of course that was some time ago...
anyway...
I also would like ot know what you feel can and should be said to my Son about all of this. I mean he has read it all now. It is in his head, and he just is not over it, I can tell. Of course I encourage my son, and I do tell him his Father loves him and that he really needs prayer.
Other than that, I just don;t know what else I can do at this point except to stay pro-active and get teh Visitation Modified.

Being so new at this, Don or anyone else, please let me know if i am doing this wrong...I can already see some room for improvment where responding to your postings is concerned. I apologize, I will surely get the hang of things...I hope...:0
I just got some information on counseling for the both of us, separate and apart from one another. This, I know, is really crucial for him. he needs someone disconnected to open up to. I feel like he is always afraid of speaking his mind, and possibly saying anything that will hurt or upset anyone. He is a very non-confrontational young man..but I know he has supressed much. I would hate to see that stuff surface in a negative way.