I havent posted here in a while, and it is difficult for me to do so because I am so embarrased, and ashamed, and I dont even know what else to call it.
We went back to court again, and now I only have her e/o weekend, and one day during the week. How did this happen? It was disgusting the way they were glorifying the ex in court. "Oh he's changed, and he has shown exemplarary behavior." Right. He was doing this when he was video taping me at the bus stop, and twisting stories around to make me look bad. It worked. If ever I try to defend myself, then the stupid counselor said, "This is not about your insecurity." This therapist by the way is divorced, has had to go to court for his son, which he shares custody with his ex. He sat there and said how the family court is such a WASP system, (and it is) and hee hee wasnt it funny his ex was going to have to pay for something.
There is more I could go into, but I am at work, and just wanted to update, and maybe feel sorry for myself with people who are going through similar situations. My daughter is soo upset. The agreement was that any time she wanted to come and stay with me an extra day, she only had to say so. Once I called her dad and left a message. He never called back. Then, yesterday, she asked him, and he said that I would have to ask, and had to give him 24 hours notice. HE WAS WORKING!! His girlfriend was watching my daughter when I was home 4 minutes away. Makes a whole **** of a lot of sense doesnt it? He just fooled these therapists sooo good. I keep calling to tell them whats up, and they act like, "I dont understand. He SAID he would be agreeable to this." I told them and told them that he would do and say anything to get his way.
If any of you remember, last time we went to court, he was only going to get her 3 weekends a month. Then he called me and sweet talked me, and I left the schedule the way it was.He said anything I needed just let him know, he would help out. Anyone who knows me was so upset with me. They told me why would I do this, when he wouldnt do it for me. Stupid, naive me "Oh no. Everyone needs a chance. I think he really means it this time." So, I bring it up to him, and he's looking all stupid, "Lets give this a try." Everyone there, mediators, lawyers, who have been telling me all along that he was going to loose everything by the way he acted, and this is spanning over 3 years now, were now vilifying me. I am still dumbfounded. Something somewhere must have happened. It doesnt just do a 180 like that. Ok. I have told you all now, and I feel so depressed. I think I'm going to go back on anti depressants. Its like cool for a second when you first wake up in the morning, then WHAM it all comes hitting me again. I go to work in a daze.
I did tell him that what comes around goes around, and that he would get his. Not that I am going to do anything, but its just karma. Thank god I have my baby. I would probably die of a broken heart if not. Can you believe it?

Um.....wow......I'm in shock. I really don't even know what to say, just that I've followed your updates for so long now and I really am shocked at how it turned out.

Hang in there.

Oh my I am speechless too. I do know that things tend to work out, especially when children are older and able to testify. I just hope it doesn't take that long for you to get things sorted back to the right way of life.

My prayers go out to you!

Don't be embarrassed or ashamed; you've been a good mommy and tried hard to get and do the best for your daughter. He probably shopped around for a sympathetic counselor who helped him game the system. You've got the s*h*i*t end of the stick now, but that won't last forever. Your daughter know's who the bad actors are in this farce, and I bet it won't be long before she starts letting them know. Take a hold of what you've got, find a way to hold his feet to the fire regarding the extra day. Bide your time, I'm sure your right about the karma. Hang in kiddo.

Thanks for all your replies, and words of support.
Here's my theory. My daughters therapist is a step mother, and has said some disparaging things about her step kids mom. She feels akin to my ex's girlfriend, (because thats who is basically taking care of my daughter.)She is the one who recommended that we see this other therapist, so they know each other. This therapist the grown ups are seeing is a divorced dad, and I put his name up here, but then edited it, because his name is on the SPARC website. That web site is pro. both parents, but has an emphasis on dads getting custody. Hmm. Could it have helped that girlfriend works in the states attorneys office?
I want to post more, but I'm at work so I gotta go.

I've been wanting to post some more about this. Binarian, thanks. The reason I feel ashamed and embarassed is because I know some of you have followed my story over the years now. I feel like maybe I am a bad mother.
How can I explain this? I've seen some men on the boards here that because of my situation, I can't offer anything positive because all I can think of is they could be lying like the ex did. He got the therapists to believe all his **** about me. Now I'm starting to doubt myself. Maybe I am a bad mother. I know deep in my heart its not true, but..
I decided to stay with the therapist this summer because now the ex is comfortable, and he will inevitable mess up. He can prove to the therapists what I've been saying all along.
This whole time, the courts have been telling him that if he keeps on disrespecting me, he would loose everything. So, he said and did what he had to to get his way. EVIL!!
The other day, he gave my daughter his medication for pink eye. I asked him if he had taken her to the MD. He told me he didnt have to answer to me. I told him that I was concerned about my daughter. He says sarcastically, "I'm sure you are." Then he says he will bring her to the MD if I agree to pay for 1/2 the meds. He keeps asking if I am going to move closer to my hometown. Thats what he wants, less of me so that he can live in pretend land where his g/f is the mother figure for my daughter, and I will be out of the picture. I almost want to, but give it about 4-5 years. My daughter is going to grow more independent, and there are going to be problems. Her father's need to control her is like grabbing playdough and making a fist. The more you try to squeeze it, the more it runs through your fingers. If I move, my daughter is going to have farther to run.
Listen to this bull. So, the "adults" therapist says that my daughters therapist thinks my daughter has adjusted quite well, and is very happy. I questioned that because every time I talk to my daughter or she goes to see her therapist, she tells her that she misses me etc. Put the schedule back the way it was. Nope, I'm told that she is just saying that to please me. Couldnt possibly be that maybe they were wrong and cant admit it.
She comes to me in tears, telling me how this new schedule bothers her. I just dont get it. I feel like I'm trapped in some warped world. Everything I say, I am shot down. Why the double standard?
I just keep having faith that God is keeping track and if I let it go, it will all come to pass.
This has been the most awful thing for a mother to go through. I still feel as if my heart has been ripped out. I miss her terrible, but guess what. I cant even tell her that I miss her. This whole thing is so inhumane, so cruel. I am so ashamed that I gave this dolt a chance all those months ago. One of many that I have given. People were giving me warnings up and down, not to do it. But I said, "Maybe this was it, maybe he really changed. He deserves a chance." Yet, I got suckered once again. In therapy were supposed to build trust. I don't need to do it anymore. He needs to PROVE to me that I can trust him, not the other way around.
Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I figure what I can do is post some new threads and share my experiences. What I've learned and how I might do things differently for the people who are just starting going through this. Thats what this place is all about. And the support. You all and this place have a very special place in my heart. One place where I can go on and on, and feel understood. Ok, I'm getting off my soap box now. Thanks for listening.

the sane one, I am with you and know some how you feel. The system likes game players and rejects reality. If you look at some of my recent post you can see that my kids are in a bad place and the system is not showing much care. My ex is in the process of shooting herself in the foot and I hope it works. Stick it out, talk to your daughter as much as you can and keep track of what is going on. Check the laws and audio record as much as you can or communicate in writing. Cause like you know now that he has won he will show his true self.

I feel real sorry for your kids and you. Lets hope our situations change soon.

No, you are definitely not a bad mother. Get that out of your head right now

I'm assuming you have shared legal custody.....and if so.... yes he does have to tell you about doctor's visits etc. I would keep on documenting everything, I just know that this is not all the end for your situation.
Hang in there.

Dale, your post made me feel better. Just to know that others see how messed up this system is. I still cant get over what happened.
And thanks Don. I am still keeping track. I am not sure about taking it back to court. Sometimes I feel like it has to be me to stop this, but then is my daughter going to say to me when she gets older, "Why didnt you keep trying mom?" Its absolutely awful, and such a hard thing to think about. I knew that talking about it here would help me feel less alone. Thanks for your help.