So I need to decide what I want to go to court with as far as visitation and such. My son is 14 months old. The most I have spent away from him is about 9 hours (when I was at work). His father took care of him during these times. But I have never left him over night.
My ex suffers from severe migraines. He has yet to get them under control, and on several occasions has had to go to the ER because it would not go away. He has gotten them while I am at work, and my old roommate had to watch over our son, which I am not happy about at all because he is not responsible at all!
Another concern of mine is that my ex was never good about getting up in the morning with our son. I have not slept past 7:30pm in 14 months. Not even on Mother's Day. My ex always used the excuse that he had a migraine all night, and is o tired he couldn't get up and do the morning routine.
My lawyer put in the custody paperwork that my ex have our son 2 times a week, for 8 hours. No overnights yet.
Am I wrong for not wanting him to have overnights yet? Just from my personal expierence from living with him, and seeing how hard it was for him to get up in the mornings, and just in plain fear of the migraines, and his capabilty to care for our son during these times.
I don't want to be mean, and I'm trying not to be. But my ex just doesn't understand where I am coming from. He tells me that he will take care of him, because I am not there to do so, so the only person left is himself.
We have arranged phone visitation every night, and he has already missed several because of these migraines.

From a father...no. You are not being mean. You are being very reasonable I think. For a 14 month old child, you may think about offering one more 8 hour visit to compensate if he presses the overnight issue.

In legal terms, his sleeping habits will mean little. His health may be a legal issue but it would involve professional reports for his health to have bearing.

In time, if dad gets regular and builds a relationship with the child, overnights may become small potatos to both of you. For now, I think you are being reasonable.

That's just what I think.

I want him to be able to have overnights, I'd have no problems with it if there wasn't a health problem on his part. I'd be 500 miles away, and wouldn't be able to come and pick up our son if something were to happen, and he needed to go to the ER. He's told me on several occasions that he doesn't involve himself for longer periods of time with his daughter (with another women), because he doesn't want to get a migraine and not be able to take care of her. That raises concerns for me, as a mother!

He sounds like a puts to me and I think you are being more than reasonable. I have a one month old and her father hasnt asked to have her overnight yet. He hasnt even had her at all. I told him he can come visit her whenever he wants, but I'm not gonna drive her two hours away during a Minnesota winter when she's so little. How soon do you think I should let him have her for a day or overnight? The thought of her spending the night with him makes me feel like screaming. He parties or used to every weekend and he's never been around babies. He refused to change her diaper when I asked and he doesnt know how to burp babies. He's only seen her twice anyway.... AH!

Are you wrong for not wanting overnights? IMO, NO! You have legitimate concerns, and although I can't speak for the law's view of this, I personally feel very strongly that with a child of that age, overnights are not necessarily a good idea, even if he didn't have migranes. YOU are the Mother, and the primary caregiver; if you feel he is not emotionally ready for overnights, don't agree.

I allowed my ex and the lawyers to pressure me into agreeing to overnight visitation before I felt my 22 month old twins were ready for them, and it wound up causing them a lot of emotional issues that we're still dealing with three monthes after the fact. Trust your instincts.