I am 16 weeks pregnant, the father and I were broken up before I found out due to his compulsive lying and manic behavior. He has serious mental instability, credit problems, no job, no sense of responsibility. I don't want him in my life or the baby's. He has another child he can't see (I don't know the details). He claims he wants to be a father, but I'm afraid of the affect he will have on a child. I'm trying to keep this about the baby, and not myself, but he continues to lie to me about trivial things as well as big issues. Not to mention his record with credit fraud, and his manic issues. If I decided to fight for sole custody, would it be hard to win? I don't want child support, he's only on SSI anyway. I just don't think he would be a positive influence.

I had the same problem. he had one child he never saw, he didn't show up to work, he used drugs, he lied all the time, but he wanted to TRY to be a father. I shut him out after he binged one week on drugs. I think he started to think. He cant even pay off his 30,000 dollar debt. Haven't heard from him since i was 4 months pregnant. I am not 7 months pregnant. The best thing i can did for my baby, (even though some might tell you its not). It is the best thing you can do. You can still provide a wonderful life for your child alone.
Just think, if he cant even take care of himself, how could he take care of a baby. its like they think, the child just stays alive without anything!
You are a strong person. He probably would never get custody of the child. Plus, could he ever pay for a laywer?? a good one?

I think you will be fine. Just think, i did it! of course you will be having second thoughts throughout the pregnancy. I did. But when you get to the end, and dont talk to him for awhile, you think... THANK GOD!

Good luck! If you ever wanna talk.... just private message me! Or if you have any questions.

I was in that boat but I got out quick. Don't put him name on the birth certificate first of all second don't apply for federal aid(the ask for you to recieve child support to first get aid)third get a restraning order against him becuase then there is a history of abuse. Let him prove piternity with a test which he will have to pay for. Believe me they won't go to court. THAT'S WHY HE DOESN'T SEE HIS OTHER KID. Not that she doesn't let him but but he's to lazy or too scared to go to court and fight. If he takes you to court THEN file for full custody beacuase no matter how dead beat they are THEY STILL HAVE RIGHT!

ps when he calls hang up... stop talking to him. stop all contact with his family and friends. egnore him completely if you need anymore help private message me. my baby's 8mths and not one word from him after the restraning order.

i am not sure how it is in RhodeIsland but in MA if you recieve federal aid. there is a clause that protects the child and mother. If there is just cause metal or physical abuse. they will not go after the father, or at least all info is kept confidential. So if you need aid seek out the "rules"
But defenetly keep the fathers name off the birth certificate. In MA if the father is not present then you cannot put his name on the certificate anyway...

Good luck

in a custody battle they can suppena the states records to prove paternity.

I too am a single mother of two children, that stemmed from a bad choice in picking the father, however I see it as we are given blessings in disguise, out of a bad situation came two miracles and for that I am ever so greatful. I understand your concerns with regards to the father and his conduct, I went through the same thing. though at times it's lonely and difficult task, I wouldn't have it any other way. You are your childs first role model and you are the one that can and will make all of the diffrence. Your child will find out on their own which parent is the established one. I too focused on keeping the father away, then I decided that no matter what I did or didn't do he was going to do whatever he wanted to any way, so I began to focus on myself and my children as they were more important to spend my energy on, and with in less time then I had thought he was gone, he moved away to five diffrent states, regardless he's gone and as hard as I thought it would be it has been cake compared to dealing with him, I now have the confidence, energy, and dignity that I lacked in his presence and it grows stronger every day, when I am ready for a relationship I know that I have and can already stand on my feet and that because of this I won't find another like him, But most of all remeber that it's your children that benefit the most from your change, it's better to be alone then put up with someone eles's mess, it hurts you and your kids and one day they will thankyou for being the strong headed mother that we all can be and are.

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Originally posted by Mandylee:
[qb]I am 16 weeks pregnant, the father and I were broken up before I found out due to his compulsive lying and manic behavior. He has serious mental instability, credit problems, no job, no sense of responsibility. I don't want him in my life or the baby's. He has another child he can't see (I don't know the details). He claims he wants to be a father, but I'm afraid of the affect he will have on a child. I'm trying to keep this about the baby, and not myself, but he continues to lie to me about trivial things as well as big issues. Not to mention his record with credit fraud, and his manic issues. If I decided to fight for sole custody, would it be hard to win? I don't want child support, he's only on SSI anyway. I just don't think he would be a positive influence.[/qb]

I am now 16 weeks pregnant and left my boyfriend before I found out about the baby. He was very abusive and controlling and lied to me about everything. I worked a full time job to support myself and ended up supporting him as well. I don't want him to be apart of this baby's life either because of his past. He spent 10 years in prison for armed robbery and then spent several months in jail for domestic violence. I'm worried about what he would do to this child or what he would do to hurt me by using my child. I don't want child support from him either. I know what you are going through and I understand your concerns. I wanted you to know that you are not alone with your situation. I am in the same boat. Good luck with everything. [EMAIL]LittelLovey18*cs.com[/EMAIL]

you could always say you don't know who the father was..it might mean some embarrassment...but it helps

p.s. I don't know how legal that is either...

i just didn't put my daughters father on the birth certificate

Wow, I started out like you all, but started to feel bad and contacted the dad. However, I did something really stupid. I told him he was not the dad and that I had cheated on him. The reason I did this was to stall to have more time to figure out what I was/am going to do (i.e. morally I feel like he has the right to partake in my kiddo's life, but yet he's a complete loser in my eyes). The story is such, that this guy had a family for 13 years (the girls were not biologically his). Apparently, the first 10 were wonderful according to his x, but then he began gambling and lying. He'd blow his entire pay, say he was going to pay rent, but blow the money; sold all of their furniture to gamble; stole his x's income tax check; used his eldest girl's boyfriend's car to getto the bus station, then left a note stating why he left town, but on the way out stole the kid's stereo and pawned it. X found out that he had not paid rent in two months an dthat there was an eviction notice that he was hiding from her.. She and her daughters and the eldest daughters new baby had to move in with friends or become homeless.. Oh, at his work, he stole a bunch of tools and pawned them. After all of this, he left town and was not heard from in two years until he decides to show up one day acting as if nothing happened. His x had him arrested for stealing her money and he was charged with theft I felony. She had basically conned him into coming back and then had him arrested for what he did before he had left two years previously.. He has not paid taxes since he was 18 years old (he's now 39). He has a history of drug use (not documented though). He lives in a real crap hole (i.e. there are 18 *** offenders within a 1/2 mile radius of his studio). His next door neighbor is an alcoholic and urinates all over the place. He smokes; He has lived apparently in and out of shelters.. The only reason he maintains a place of residence now is because he does not have to pay rent-it's subsidized. He keeps saying he is changing and attributes this to his going to college. He has me scared because he is now questioning me b/c he thinks he is the father of my kiddo. He is, but I don't want him ruining my kiddo. He is basically interested in this kiddo to stroke his ego. Three weeks ago he was telling us to bug off and now he is calling again. He wants to contact the state and get a paternity test. I told him no and that mathmatically he doesn't equate to being the father. He keeps insisting there is a small chance. CRRRAAAPPPP!!!!! He said if he can't contact the state, that he'll have to do it on his own.. I am now secretly like go a ahead, but there is not a snow balls chance in *** that he'll get joint custody or even over nights.. I will request that the visits are supervised. I made a stupid choice hooking up with this guy in the first place, however, he is good at the con (i.e. I had noooo idea about his background). He is verbally and emotionally abusive.. He pops off quickly.. There is no way I want him hurting this kiddo.. His PO once told me, whatever you do, do not marry this guy and do not let him have control over the finances- he'll screw you.. I am pretty educated and if I told you my profession- you'd scratch your head.. Whatever you do, do not contact the dad.. I made a horrible choice in doing so..I morally felt bad, but ethically I think I made the right choice. However, I have since waffled and will perhaps pay the price with this baffoon in my and my son's life.. CRAP!!!!
I am just wondering if a judge would give this creep joint custody???? What do you all think...

Okay so here is what I know and only what I know, at least here in NC but you will need to check Rhode Island's laws. Here in NC if he has had his rights terminated before all you have to do is file and he will have his rights terminated for any other child, it just takes a precedent. You can also attempt to prove he is unfit. There is a way that his rights can be terminated and still have to pay child support but I don't know all the details for that one. I can check on it. I will also try to find you a website that lets you know about guardianship or termination of parental rights in your state. If you simply do not put him on the birth certificate and he never finds out the child was his...no problem. If for some reason he finds out and wants to take you to court to prove paternity he has every right to do so at which time the information I spoke about at the begining will be very useful!

I will check on that website.

Here is a website that gives you a list of reasons rhode island will accept for terminating the other parents rights... web page

Texas is way too easy on it's Bad Dad's!! Even after my ex had disapeared for 6 yrs, I couldn't do it.