I would like to introduce myself. Hello all my name is Art. I am here as I have quite a delema on my hands and I have no where to turn. I recently was awarded residential custody of my two children from their mother. Their ages are 11 and 13 and they had live with their mom since 1998. Custody was awarded to me on November 3, 2005 and their mother has visitation everyother weekend. I wished it were more as the kids need to see more of their mom. But that was here decision as she cound not afford to take them more as she has to provide support. She has even told this to my children. An issue I will leave for another time as the one I have now is more pressing. I will get to it. On December 10, 2005 I received a performance of duty disability retirement from NYS Dept. of Corrections. Incorperated but not merged into my divorce is a separation agreement made on March 18, 1999 whereby my former spouse has entitlement to a 50% fraction of my pention. Here is where the problems lie. I am the custodial parent of our children ages 11 and 13. In giving her a share of my pention I had to take a recuced amount based on the special joint allowance option according to a QDRO prepared by her attorney and signed by Supreme Court Justice Joseph Cannizzaro on May 9, 2001. These provisions were never agreed upon in our separation agreement that this was going to be a reguirement for an option I would be compelled to take. Not only am I required to give her a portion of my pention but I am required to take an even lesser amount based on having to elect to take joint allowance according to the terms of the QDRO. No QDRPO exists if there is such a thing, only the QDRA. I am aware of the Erisa's Anti-alieination rule and the requirement of a QDRO to set it in place to protect a surviving spouse. The real problem is this has created a huge financial burden on me as the custodial parent. No moneys have been distributed from my retirement as of yet as I have not completed the Retirement Options Election Form. I have done some research on my own and I find that she may be responsible for 25% of what she receives from my retirement benefit. It seems so unfair to the children and the custodial parent to make such a distributive award based on equitable distribution not taking into account the financial burden and the previous life style the children were use with the custodial parent. I think that the Family Court has erred in not making a provision, or have they in protecting the rights of the custodial parent in not becoming insolvent in such a circumstance. Can anyone help me to find out what I can do at this point in making this right where my children are concerned. Some has to know someone with a similar circumstance at least I hope so. I am so desperate to find some kind of solution. Thank you.....

The only think I can think of at this point is hiring an experienced attorney..... which I would presume with monetary issues is not so simple. Sorry Art, sure doesn't sound right or fair or sensible to me!

Welcome Art to SFV,
The only thing I can suggest to you about your situation would be to maybe checkout the following websites:

www.dadsdivorce.com/forum/

http://www.deltabravo.net/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=106

Both of these sites are geared towards men and their divorce issues. I've lurked on both sites for awhile and there are lawyers who do post to both sites.

Hopefully one of them will be able to help you in your situation. What you're describing doesn't seem fair since you're now the custodial parent.

Good luck in finding answers to your questions.

Thanks for the help so far. I am searching but still to no avail. I thought I would explain a little more about my situation. Currently I am collecting support for my kids through an income execution order against my Ex.. Unfortunately she chooses to work meager hours with her employer so it is a help, but not a whole lot. If I were permitted to collect my full retirement benefit since it is tax free because of my disability I would be recieving about what I brought home when I was working. Since that is not the case right now I will be forced to raise my kids
on than less that half of what I was bring home. I can't believe that the Supreme Court and the Family Court of New York State intended or even expected that a situation like this could arise where by they didn't not protect the respective income of the Custodial Parent and their dependent children's standard of living that they were use to.

IT seems to me this is something that needs to go to your councilmen, etc. GEtting the word out, the issue here is the law was meant to help but this situation has arisen and it needs to be reworked and fast as there must be others like you out there! Without doing anything, more will come in the future. (oh so easy to say it all I know) I'm just at a loss for you because I fear it is going to take a huge battle but I think well worth the fight.

Sue, Thanks for that bit of info. I wrote a detailed letter of my situation to my local senator. I will let you know how I make out....

***UPDATE*** I have come to the conclusion that I can not go this alone. I have wrote letters to all three New York senators including Hillary Clinton. I also wrote my local congressman and wrote letters to every major news network including a letter to the editor in the Times Union. I am more than willing to go public for the cause to make this right. I cannot afford to hire an attorney and I can't see anything happening without bring as much attention as I can to the cause. Thanks for all the support so far. I don't feel as helpless as I did before I joined SFV. I will keep you all informed......

Art, You should be proud of yourself. I agree, you can't go it alone, this is too big and very important. Best of luck to you and please do keep us updated. Join on in here anywhere you like, the people here are filled with knowledge and support. A lot of big hearts!