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<angrykidsmom>
Posted
I am a single mom of two boys. Both boys ages 17 and 13. Two years ago my 13 year old son was playing with a lighter while I was at the laundromat, and burned our house down. We lost everything and he was charged with Arson. At first I disagreed with the charge thinking that they were just trying to make an example of him, but now I see things a bit different. I am not saying I think he did it on purpose, I am saying I think he has some serious issues and I am hoping to get some positive advice on here that may be able to help. He has since been going to see a counselor once a week and to a probation officer every other week. Neither of these things seem to be helping him at all. He only goes because he has to. He is now 13 and has just started back to school. He is repeating the 7th grade, because he refused to do his school work. Him and I argue everyday. He calls me names and is totally hateful to everyone in the house. He also has a girlfriend that is very sweet, that he also treats terribly. He seems to be very angry all the time, and also has very low self esteem. I worry that he will be abusive with hsi girlfriend. He allready verbally abuses her when he thinks I can't hear him. But if I stand up for her he takes it as a sign of rejection from me, and makes me feel like I am favoring her over him. I have tried to explain to him that she is a girl and he needs to treat her better, but he tells me to mind my own business. His counselor says if he doesn't get his act together and start making some headway that he is going to have to go to the juvinille facilty until he is fifteen. I am scared that this is going to happen and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. What can I do to make him see what he is doing, and how disrespectful he is being. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
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<singlemom677>
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by angrykidsmom:
[qb] I am a single mom of two boys. Both boys ages 17 and 13. Two years ago my 13 year old son was playing with a lighter while I was at the laundromat, and burned our house down. We lost everything and he was charged with Arson. At first I disagreed with the charge thinking that they were just trying to make an example of him, but now I see things a bit different. I am not saying I think he did it on purpose, I am saying I think he has some serious issues and I am hoping to get some positive advice on here that may be able to help. He has since been going to see a counselor once a week and to a probation officer every other week. Neither of these things seem to be helping him at all. He only goes because he has to. He is now 13 and has just started back to school. He is repeating the 7th grade, because he refused to do his school work. Him and I argue everyday. He calls me names and is totally hateful to everyone in the house. He also has a girlfriend that is very sweet, that he also treats terribly. He seems to be very angry all the time, and also has very low self esteem. I worry that he will be abusive with hsi girlfriend. He allready verbally abuses her when he thinks I can't hear him. But if I stand up for her he takes it as a sign of rejection from me, and makes me feel like I am favoring her over him. I have tried to explain to him that she is a girl and he needs to treat her better, but he tells me to mind my own business. His counselor says if he doesn't get his act together and start making some headway that he is going to have to go to the juvinille facilty until he is fifteen. I am scared that this is going to happen and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. What can I do to make him see what he is doing, and how disrespectful he is being. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. [/qb]
 
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<singlemom677>
Posted
Dear angrykidsmom, I have a situation with my 13 year old son that sounds very much like yours except for the burning down the house. I am looking for advice also but wanted to let you know that there is someone else out here that has the same problem. My son has been smoking and skipping school. He treats my other two children who are 16 years old and 10 years old so horrible. Have you found a solution to your problem? Please let me know and I would certainly appreciate it and I will do the same
 
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<SueP>
Posted
You know, the first thing I thought of when I read this was some of those 'tough love' camps they have. I can't imagine having to send my child to something like that but I think it might be a positive option for him. You don't want him to end up in a juvenile facility... it just sounds so "down hill". Now is the time to do whatever the heck you have to, no matter how much he "hates" you in the moment for doing it... when it works, he will be forever (and I mean forever) thankful you made him do it.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine what a difficult spot you feel you are in with him. I'm guessing you feel like you are walking on eggshells.. ugh. Unfortunately I think until you just stomp down on them nothing will change. ((((((HUGS)))))) Hopefully somebody here has some sold advice and success stories to share with you!
 
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<SueP>
Posted
I googled up some links, not sure if anything is of interest, but it looks like there are a lot of resources out there and a bunch of boot camp type things, although some look pretty darn pricey there has to be something affordable or that you could get assistance with

http://teenlifelines.com/index.html?gelci=teen+help


http://troubled-teenagers.org/index.php?ticgl=teen+help

http://www.parentteenguide.com/index.html?ptggo=teen+help


Actually, here's the link to the google search that has all the links on it: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=help+for+angry+teens%2C+Maine


Here is a link to some options in Maine...

http://www.boot-camp-boot-camps.com/resources/United_States/ME/
 
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<SueP>
Posted
Oh goodness, I can't believe this is so old and went totally unanswered until now! Frowner
 
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<Don>
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SueP:
[qb] Oh goodness, I can't believe this is so old and went totally unanswered until now! Frowner [/qb]
Wow no doubt, a post that slipped through the cracks as it were Frowner
I sure hope the situation is better angrykidsmom. Sorry this was missed back then.
Singlemom677 welcome to the site. I would read up on the links SueP has provided and see if that might be something you'd consider. I know we've discussed it elsewhere on the forum as well and could be an option that I would consider myself if faced with disciplinary problems that were beyond my control. I would also consider a counselor first to see if a neutral outsider might find some sort of insight to the behavior that I was perhaps missing, even in the closest of relationships our kids don't necessarily always let us in on everything going on in their heads.
 
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