My daughter and I spent a month paying a counselor to tell me that her behavoir is inherited and I am going to have to put up with it. So, I found some free services through my job.

We started with a young girl counselor three weeks ago. She introduced us to the 1-2-3 magic program. If my daughter continues to whine, hit, scream, argue etc. she gets a 1 followed by a 2 (if the behavoir continues) then finally a 3 -- a time out. If she gets three time outs in a day she loses a priviledge. So far so good.

Today I went by myself- I was nervous because the focus was going to me and not her. I was told part of my problem is I want to be a super mom- full time job- full time mom- nothing else. I have no time for naything else. She asked me what I do for fun. I couldn;'t come up with one thing. So now she wants me for once a week take two hours by myself. Find a place for my duaghter to go- and just me with me go shopping, walking reading etc.

What do I do if I have no one in my family that is willing to help? I don't have extra money to pay her babysitter for those two hours? I do';t have any conversation with her sperm donor. What do I do?

I also told her about the spanking theory in my head. If I lose my temper so bad that I spank her- I feel like I have failed as a parent. I also worry about these parents who spank and spank and eventually start to hit harder and harder and then really injure their kids. I don't want to become like that. I was married to her sperm donor who was abusive I got her away ftom that. Why would I want to put her back in a unsafe environment. Does anyone understand that?

Well first I'm a firm believer in spankings but the punshement has to fit the crime.. Also if your not able to control your temper and hit harder then spanking isn't for you.. Spanks shouldn't be a way for you to releave stress it should be a one whack no..

OK find another singel parent and trade nights you watch hers for a few and she in return

Hello atwitsend,

It's great to hear you taking steps to do the best job you can for your child. I like the 1-2-3 idea since it gives your daughter a chance to manage her behavior before you help her (with timeout)

Don't fret too much over your councelor's suggestion for time to yourself. It's a good idea that leaves you to search for resources. Have you tried the public library? Sometimes they have summer reading programs and shows where you can leave your kiddo and find a quiet corner in the library somewhere. Most children librarians are like teachers who should know how to manage the children and that gives you about 30 min to an hour to find a book, browse, use the internet.

Remember, it takes consistency and repetition before a young child changes a behavior. The begining seems like a "grin and bear it" period before you see them accepting change. Don't forget to celebrate and give her big hugs when she decides not to whine, hit, or argue and tell her what a big girl she is becoming.

I use magic 1-2-3 all the time. Works wonders. I also use spankings. But I have very extreme circumstance that I will spank in - one is a safety issue (ie, she tries to throw a temper tantrum while crossing a street, which she has tried before) or outright defiance or disrespect to me. I will only spank when I've gotten myself under control, only with the palm of my hand, over clothes, and only 3 times (max). I will not touch her when I've lost my temper. If I'm mad, I tell her to go to her room and stay out of my sight until I'm ready to deal with this (whatever she's done).

My daughter is 3.5 yrs. This is my discipline strategy for her, and it works for us. You're not a bad mom for being mad at your kid. I would just suggest that if you're afraid your hitting your child in anger that you put her out of sight (in room, in bed, wherever) until you're calm again and can deal with it.

As for time to yourself, check with a local church. Sometimes they will have mom's time out or parenting groups where the kids will go to one place and have a program and the moms get to hang out and relax and have a break from their kids. Or sometimes gyms will have that too. My local YMCA has a great cheap childcare program where I can drop her off, she'll be watched by trained volunteers in the Y, for a couple of hours, for only $2.50 an hour. So for $5 I can go spend a couple hours at the mall or just at a park or even just in the Y working out, reading, whatever. Maybe there's something like that in your area?