I have five kids, the older four are old enough to clean their rooms as well as help with other chores around the house. They will not help with chores, or cleaning their rooms or even putting their own laundry in the hamper. I have tried everything I can think of. The boys toss their shirts in the living room floor and socks are stuffed under the couch. Backpacks and shoes are not where they are suppose to be. I put hooks up in their rooms and labled each one for each kid hoping that would help them. I took everything they had last year and gave it away and was hoping this would help with the mess. I have grounded them until they clean their rooms (they have been grounded for 3 weeks now) and the mess is still there! I feel I am the one being punished. Atleast when they could go outside and play I got a little break but not anymore. My family lives right here on top of us and any time I do something they are breathing down my back about how I am being mean to them. I should give them space and time and it goes on and on. I dont know what else to do! Any advice will be greatly appreciated and tried. I have nothing to loose. Just to give you and idea of my kids--I have three boys--11 (will be 12 in May), 8, 4 and two girls 110, and 1 (will be two in May). And the two year old helps more than any of them do. They all helped when they were young! What happen?

I have no idea, but I am with you! I have two teen boys, and all their friends. Last night I lost it! I told the boys that because neither they nor their friends respected me or my house that they were no longer welcome. Not during the week or on weekends. Now I have to kids that wont speek to me.

The thing that kills me, is that their rooms are spotless! My living room carpet is trashed, the kitchen is always a mess, and there is a stain on my new couch, but thier rooms are off limits to food and soda, etc. They have respect for their own space and things, but not the rest of the house. :badday:

Now that I've vented, I'll have to check back for contstructive advice. I don't have the answer, but wish I did!!

Your right, when they are young they take pride in being your good helper. P.S. I know that money charts work for some, but I haven't had success with them.

Now that would really irritate me, but my kids dont even take care of the things that are theirs. I don't understand why I celebrate birthday and Christmas with gifts when I know that by February everything is going to be trashed. I thought about not buying anything for them this last Christmas, but with so much family around I would feel bad because they wouldn't have anything to tell their cousins about. Don't know what to do any more. That is partly why I chose that peeking eye, I feel I have to constantly keep an eye on them and I cant do that. There are too many of them!

Gosh I don�t know how you do it. I was one of 4 and our house was run with military precision and I did not know that you could refuse to do chores! If we left stuff around the house Mum would throw it on the bed, bummer when you went to go to bed and you had to clear your bed before you got in it. That worked because we knew life would not be worth living if we just shoved it on the floor!
I saw a system that I thought could be worth a try where a list was made of chores that had to be achieved that consisted of 4 things and then about 3 non chores ie snack and 10 min break, half hour of TV. They then sat with the child and the child sorted the things in to the order that they wanted to have the chores and treats. They then had a list of chores and treats to work through and had ownership of the schedule.
Good Luck

You know, thats not a bad idea. I will try that. my kids are on a schedule already more or less, they know when we have supper, their own bath time, homework, and bed, but I guess I need to add chores in there and see if they will do it. My oldest (go figure) doesnt like bath time (it takes away from game time or somethng) and will often run to his cousins how where I will have to drop what I am doing and go get him. That military thing dont sound too bad either. I may try that as well. I dont want to take all their free time away but with the way the bus goes they get on at 6:15am and aren't home until 5. That's a long day for them.

Let me know how you go and if any of it works. I just liked the idea of having good stuff in the schedule also in that they can see it is not all just horrible boring jobs - that there is free time too and they can control how they use it.
6 to 5 is such a long day it must be hard to fit everything in!

It is, but they are talking about putting a school up closer to home for us. If they do the hours will change dramaticly. If I can get the kids used to doing everything on a long schedule now then they will feel more of a reward when their schedules can change and they have a little more free time. The schedule seems to be working. I went ahead and put their comp time and Tv, and free time back in, but then put in a specific time for each one to work in their rooms. Their rooms are not yet clean, but there has been a LOT of progress. Instead of cleaning their room all at one time, this is giving them a chance to do a little bit more each day. They aren't complaining as much anyway, so it works for me. They are almost done with their rooms! Yea! Will probably finish them up this afternoon, and the reward for finishing, they will clean up before bed each night and their current clean time of 30 minutes will go to 15 minutes, giving them extra, TV, free time, or comp time, the choice is theirs.

Good going single...! Sometimes setting boundaries and schedules works miracles.