Let me start this by saying that I love my son more than anyone or anything else in this world. I�m at my wit�s end w/him though. I don�t know what else to do w/him. Last week, I received 3 separate phone calls on 3 separate days from his teacher about him and his behavior. Monday of last week he was sticking his middle finger up in the air. At first, she said that he told her it was an accident, he was counting and he seemed really upset about getting in trouble. She then turned around to write something else on the board when she turned back around to face the class and saw him twirling in his chair w/his middle finger in the air. I had just had a talk w/him over the weekend when he was counting and stuck up that finger. I told him that meant something bad and he needed to use his index finger to mean 1 instead. He didn�t do it for me the rest of the weekend and I, personally, don�t buy that it was an accident at school even the first time. She told him that she was going to write me a note, and he laid his head on his desk and started laughing like it was some kind of joke. He lost all privileges for the night including TV, snack and sparring at Tae Kwon Do. I even talked to the instructor who talked to him to get him to straighten up. Tuesday and Wednesday went better, and I was so grateful.

Thursday comes along and I answer the phone only to hear an irritated teacher on the other line. She was calling to tell me that he missed his bus to Tae Kwon Do even w/the other kids yelling for him to come on, 2 kids being sent to get him to come on and the bus waiting for 15 minutes. He was too busy playing in the field and didn�t take the time to do what he knew he was supposed to do. The teacher that walks them out to the bus is the same one that got in trouble about a month ago for grabbing his arm and hurting him. Now, he thinks he can run her over since she got in trouble before over him. He even tried to lie and say that she wouldn�t let him go to the bus. I was so furious because not only did he miss the bus, but also I had to leave work 1 hour early to go get him and he lied on top of that. When I got to the school, he was out at the playground playing w/his buddies having the world�s greatest time. I drove him to Tae Kwon Do and made him apologize to the director, driver and all the kids. We left after he was done and I didn�t let him participate at all. I also took away all his privileges yet again.

Friday, just after lunch, I answer the phone to hear the voice of an even more irritated teacher. I immediately ask, �What has he done now?� While at recess, he was kicking mulch around and the teacher told him that he needed to stop before he kicked it into someone�s face. He said, �OK!� and continued to do what he wanted to do. She then sat him in time-out for 5 minutes. When she let him up and told him there was only 5 minutes left in recess, what do you think he did? He went right back to kicking that mulch. She made the entire class line up and said that they had to go in early to move Ty�s star down. He said, �Fine!� She was so upset by his complete disregard that she called me again. This time she asked if I would like to talk to him. I told her that I absolutely would like to talk to him. I told him that when the bus got there for him he would be going to Tae, but would be sitting on the bench instead of participating and would not be doing anything fun this weekend. He told me that he would turn his day around.

This weekend was a total nightmare for me. He had no TV, toys, and games and didn�t get to go to the movies as I had planned. Instead, he treated me badly, talking back and just blatantly not doing as he was told. Starting today, he will no longer be going to Tae Kwon Do. I don�t know what else to do w/him. I have tried taking things away, talking to him, yelling at him, spanking and even getting the instructors at Tae Kwon Do involved. I�ve done everything I can think of short of shipping him off the military school, and that isn�t far off. Does anyone have any suggestions? I�m open to any!

Time for tough love TM. You know I'm not one to advise strict discipline but when my girl's older half brother starting getting like that, I got drastic. You gotta growl more like a mama bear. Even overplaying it until it instills a little fear. It's time for no more "mrs. nice mom". Here's what I did. I didn't like to do it but it worked.
I made the boy stand in a corner with his arms at his side. No movement and when he did move, I got up and straightened his arms down. Every time I did that, I would complain about me being punished too because I had to stay there and watch him and I didn't do anything wrong. I only had to do this once and it seemed to work. Never did I show how much this hurt me to do that but when a kid in kindergarten tells the teacher he doesn't have to do this or do that and won't listen, well...
I never had to do it again. And the episode only lasted about an hour or so.
Good luck.
Oh. Another variation is get a chair and place at the wall near the TV. Some place where he can't see it but can hear it. Tell him to look at the wall and you watch his favourite shows. Laugh alot and comment a lot on the great show you're watching.
And remember if his behaviour changes for the better, reward him handsomely so the lesson sinks in.
If anyone else disagrees with me, please speak up. I'm open to being corrected on this. I don't know what else to tell Ty's mom.

Here's my thought. Sign him up for a big brother. An older male role model that can show him how to respect and follow rules and still have fun?

http://www.volunteermatch.org/directory/org_detail.jsp?orgid=28102


Not a suggestion, not to mention he isn't old enough

http://www.polksheriff.org/detention/starboot.html

Thank you for the advice,JD. I would try it if I hadn't already tried something extremely similar. I had him sit at the table where he could hear, but not see the TV. He would say, and I quote, "At least I can still hear it!" He has a very smart mouth. He has even been given soap in the mouth, literally. Standing him in the corner also has as much effect as time-out, and telling him I'm being punished because of what he did, he just is glad he isn't suffering alone. Tough love is what he needs, but the things I've been doing aren't working. He is very stubborn and head-strong. Those qualities are great in a human for getting them through life, but he needs to learn when they are appropriate.

I got a call from his teacher late this afternoon. This time it wasn't one like last week. He got a "WOW" today and she had no problems w/him. She talked to the school psychologist and the new principal who both agreed to meet w/and talk to Ty. I hope they can help because I really don't know what else to do.

I did send an email to the VP of the Osceola branch of the Big Brothers & Big Sisters Club. I hope to hear back from them. Maybe they can help, too. Thanks for that, Blindsky.

I am still open to ideas. The ideas that JD gave were helpful, but I need something a little tougher I think for this kid. Unfortunately that boot camp thing is for kids much older than he is or I would sign him up pronto. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you had him tested for ADHD? His pediatrician could suggest someone. There is medication or non-medicated help out there. just a thought.

I've had that done, and he's not ADHD. He's just a very intelligent, active little boy. He was also tested last year for gifted. He was 2 points shy of the score needed for that. He gets bored w/what is going on because he knows it. Ty will finish what is assigned and then cause trouble to have something to do. His teacher and I discussed letting him move ahead at his own pace. That seemed to work for a while, but now he is right back to where he was last year. I'm so frustrated.

Ty's mom,
From experience let me tell you .... if you can find some way ... any way... have him tested independently for gifted. If he missed it by only 2 points then he probably did not take the test seriously or as in the case of my daughter.. The psycologist told her to skip the questions she could not answer but never told her to come back to them. I could not find anyone to test her for less than $500. She tested very high when the school system decided to test her again and now she is behind and is full time not just enrichment classes.
It does sound as though he needs a little tough love but I feel your pain. I have had similar situations with my daughter. There is nothing to ground her from, spankings do not work and I have never doled them out as a common punishment (I can count on one hand how many in 12 years). As for grounding, never.. ever take away anything that helps define who he is. Such as art classes for my daughter. I take away computer games, TV, other planned activities (movies, etc.)
Good luck ... let me know what works.
Carla

They are going to retest him next year. They told me that they didn't feel he was mature enough to do it until 2nd grade again. I'm sure that he was just goofing off, but there isn't anything else I can do about that test. I wish I could afford another test out of pocket, but I can't right now. The only thing that seemed to phase him even a little was the Tae Kwon Do. He is still doing running club, aka track, but I had to do something drastic. I will let him have that back when he has a behavior make-over.

Ty's mom,

Want to get thru to him? Strip his room of everything but the furniture. As you know, Blair is also "high spirited" (AKA too smart for his own good.) I gave up on timeouts awhile ago, since they didn't phase him. When Blair was in danger of really getting out of control (fighting at school, talking back to me & teacher, pulling hair of classmates, cussing, disrespect, all that fun stuff and he's only 4) I just had it. I took everything from his room, every book, every toy, every poster, picture, and painting. I even pulled his blues clues sheets off the bed and took his pillows. And I made him sit there and WATCH me take everything out. I kept him home from school and told him that they wouldn't let him back if he kept behaving this way (I know this isn't a possibility for you, but its what I did). I made him stay in that room for four strait days, he was only allowed out to eat and pee. He straited out REAL quick. Boredom is what kills an intelligent kid, its what gets them in trouble, its what sets them off. Give him his fill of boredom. Tons of it! Maybe he can find something more creative to do when he's bored than to act out. Who knows. btw, I did this to Blair twice. Once recently, when he was acting out in school, and once when he was two I did it because we had checked out a bunch of books from the library and he destroyed each and every one of them to the point they wouldn't take them back. Both times had him walking the strait and narrow in no time.

I took everything away except his books because the school requires him to read for 15-20 minutes every day. I don't want to take anything that is educational away. He did, however, only get to read for that amount of time. I talked to his teacher late yesterday afternoon and she said that he was fantastic all day long. I did let him have his toys back since he earned them. He only got 5 minutes to play, and I knew that and that was the biggest reason that was what I chose to give him back. I told him that everything else, his TV, snack, bedtime at 8:30 instead of 8:00 and Tae Kwon Do would take much longer to earn back. I told him that he would slowly get them back over the course of the next few weeks if his behavior continued to match what it was yesterday. He wasn't happy that I gave him back his toys, but wouldn't give back the rest. I know that the rest means more to him than the toys, so that influenced my decision on that. It killed me to take away the Tae Kwon Do, but I felt like that was yet another reward for behaving badly and I didn't think that was right. He is going to have to earn everything back and it will probably take him until the beginning of next month or longer depending on him. I know that during the week, he doesn't get to play for very long, if at all, so I didn't feel like giving him that back would be letting him slide. Isn't it sad, Sera, that as cute as they are and as smart as they are, they still act like this? I'm hoping that him slowly having to earn back his things that it will get it through his thick head that he can't treat people like that or he will lose everything. I didn't take his sheets and pillows, but I may try that if he keeps acting like he did last week. I've tried everything else.

I did the same. I took everything away and put it in the closet in the hall. every day he was good, he could pick three or four things out of the closet to take back to his room. Eventually he got everything back. I hope this works out well for you.

I hope so too!!! I'm out of other options and don't like feeling like there is something I'm doing wrong as a mother. I do love that tag line!!! I think I need my asprin through an IV!!!!! Thanks for your advice!!

Just wanted to say, hang in there TM. It sounds like you are doing the right things so far, I would think that Ty will catch on. We really just need to be more stubborn than our kids when it comes to discipline sometimes. Just gotta keep staying consistent with it all and it'll get through to him.

You sound like you are doing the very best that you can and if you keep up the tough love he should get the picture. Just like Don said you have to be consistent. It isn't mean to take things away from your son, I'm saying that because that is what we all wonder as parents when we have to do these kinds of things. He has to learn though and with stubborn kids that is usually the only way.

School has a lot to do with this kind of behavior but what can you do. Do like what you said and try and get a good male role model for him. Boys really like to test the waters and it helps if there is a man to put the fear of God into him. Moms have to do alot that they probably shouldn't have to in our situations but it has to be done. What ever it takes. My friend is going through this and she even got a police officer to talk to her boy. It helped she said.

Try not letting him really see you frustrated at what he has done. Just tell him you are dissapointed then tell him his consequences and that he caused it. Then see if he can make good decisions about when he gets his stuff back. That will make him feel like he has somekind of control and if he does it again. Take it all back. Plus always remember to reinforce all the time that you love him and that his decision is what got him into this not yours. Smart strong willed kids love to feel as if they are playing a part in their lives and what they do. Sounds like he likes the independence that he gets at school and that may be the cause. Even though they are the wrong ones.

Just a few ideas that may work that I have seen work for other parents.

All kids are different to some extent and you will have to figure out what works best for your family. What may work for others may not work for you.

Good luck and God Bless

P.S. Don't let him get away with anything. He's smart and if he realizes that he got away with this or that last time he will probably start trying to push it further. Kid are always looking for a kink in the fence that they can make into a hole and escape.

I had the opportunity last night to speak w/his teacher face to face and finally meet the new principal that has been on the job for only 2 days now! I liked the fact that we all had the chance to talk and make sure we are all on the same page w/him. This new principal said that she loves him already and can see how super smart he is. She talked to the school psychologist to see if he has been or should be tested for gifted. I explained that he was last year, and she, his teacher and I came to the conclusion to have him tested at the end of this school year. We all have the same thought that he is just bored because he is so advanced. I know this sounds like bragging from a proud mother on how smart her kid is, but this is just what the teacher, principal and I discussed w/them telling me this. I think if he was more challenged at school mentally, he wouldn't get in so much trouble. That is just my opinion, though! We all discussed ways to get him motivated to follow the rules at school. His poor teacher said that he is a perfect angel in class for her, but no one believes her and they all think she is crazy when she calls him that. I think that the plan we came up w/will be beneficial all the way around and pray that it actually works. I think it will, but only if he really is willing to do what it takes. Keep your fingers crossed and the prayers coming. I have a feeling it is still going to be a rocky road!!! Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I really needed it!!