i know that my son is in the "terrible twos" and they pass (hopefully)

but his tantrums are really getting out of control. i've always been a follower of attachment parenting, but nothing in those theories seem to be helping.

he is not only throwing his body down, but hitting, kicking, tore down his dresser, broke his floor lamp, and banged his own head to the point of bruising on the wall (eeeeek!)

i am fully aware of the causes (major transition with his dad not being around, plus a developmental leap, spoiling from his grandma, and just being two)

so far, i've been combating it by clearing his room of all furniture and light fixtures (for his own safety), i take his hand and tell him no hitting every time he does, but that does work. so i've started restraining him (in a nurturing sorta way), built a routine on the wall that he can see and understand. But i'm just going out my mind with it all.

it has probably been about two months now and while that happen all during the day, bedtime is worse and that is now taking about 1 to 2 hours to accomplish.... and so, i have a drink once it is done

any suggestions? something i haven't thought of?

only problem is i literally have to close him in his room and hold the door shut. and i can hear him banging his head when i do go to that measure. and i really loathe this extreme (although i know that it is sometimes necessary)

i've held to my guns with that method for a couple of weeks, but now i've started holding him face out with his arms crossed and my legs preventing him from kicking me.

it just kills me that he is hitting his mommy as a means of attempting to express anger and get what he wants (i however, never give in to what he is asking for)

hi,
I read a study somewhere that at the age of two children are able to process adult language and yet cannot converse their wants and needs. Thus, the tantrum.

Here's a couple of URL's for teaching toddlers to sign as a transition into formal communication:

http://www.weecansign.com/

http://www.cyberparent.com/baby-sign-language/

I also used the divert their attention tactic and it worked well. Teaching a toddler to sign their wants helps them to communicate with you and decreases the need for a tantrum.

I agree with basicallyamy that if you ignore them they will go away with time and consistency. But it is really hard to do like you already said. Best wishes, this is a tough time to get through.

OH that is rough. I was lucky, my daughter wasn't all that bad at that age- but I would hold her, and try to talk in that quiet voice, so that she would have to quiet down herself to listen.

Now that she's older- the occasional tantrum does happen, usually in the middle of target. UGH...flashback to Christmas shopping.

Anyway- I ignore it, until I can remove her from the premesis- even if it means leaving my stuff in a cart somewhere.

I know exactly how you feel with the violent kind of temper tantrums. My daughter started with the temper tantrums at about 9 months, and still has meltdowns occasionally. First it was just screaming, then kicking and screaming, then kicking, hitting and screaming, then throw her body on the floor with all of the above, so it looked like she was having a seizure or something. She would even hold her breath till her face turned blue and she would pass out. Freaked me out. Only thing I could do was, when she was small, I would wrap her up tight in a blanket and hold her till she fell asleep usually, and when she was older, I got one of those soft chairs (has Elmo or Dora or some kids character on it) and made her sit there until she was done screaming, then she could come out and we'd cuddle and talk about what made her so upset. With my daughter it was simply she didn't know how to express her emotions. We're working on it as she gets older, and she's a lot better now at better ways of expressing her sadness or frustration (she's 3). We will still have the occasional meltdown, but usually when she's over-stimulated or very tired.

All I can suggest is make him feel safe, let him get it all out and then let him know you still love him even though he's acted like that. I know with my daughter, part of it was due to the fact that she got very frustrated because she understood more and wanted to do more than her body would let her. Now that she can say and do more, she doesn't get as frustrated, and she has more patience with herself.

thanks guys for all the advice

it is always nice to know that we are not the only ones - especially having the meltdowns at target

as far as his ability to communicate goes, he is way above the charts and is rather a able to express his wants and needs (it is actually kind of freaky sometimes talking so well with a two year old). However, he does seem to have a problem finding the right way to handle strong emotions like anger. I remember reading once where a mom said "draw your anger" and it worked

so i guess i'll stick with what i'm doing - restrain in the most loving way possible and not let go until he calms down (i think that may be the hard part for me).

thx again.