Latest incident: my 2 year old is sitting next to me watching a movie and a friend calls. I was on the phone no longer than 5 minutes, however, the problem is what my 2 year old said to me. "shut up momma!" I am still in shock that she said such a thing. I have never told her to shut up. She kept saying it over and over until I got off the phone and put her in time out and explained that this was not a nice thing to say. Those are bad words, I told her.

This is in addition to a rash of unacceptable behavior she has been exhibiting over the last few weeks. I have not been treating her any different, nothing has drastically changed in our lives. First it was tantrums, which were under control after about a month but now: tantrums if I say no, tell her she has to wait, ask her to do something (that she understands) and she doesn't want to, and then yesterday when I put her in time out after the "shut up" incident . . . she takes a swing at me! I am at my wits end. Time outs aren't working anymore and I will not spank her. Does anyone have any other alternatives to getting her to calm down and listen?

Does she go to daycare, or have a new play group/friend, new TV show or even Sunday school class? Or for that matter do you? assuming she would be with you?

This kid has had the same schedule, daycare, friends, tv shows (when she watches them), and I dont have anything different. I'm telling you, we are a well oiled machine. We have the same routine everyday (which I wont go into cause it's so long). I know she's trying to see how far she can push me but I really need help in handling this. It's a good thing I'm not dependant on any stimulants. LOL

Welcome to what they call "the terrible 2's" This is the time where 2 year olds will test their limits to learn how much they can push us. Keep your head up, something that helped me a lot was to read some parenting books and magazines and I tried to be consistent through the days. Just remember, this too will pass.

quote:

Originally posted by Kdad:
Welcome to what they call "the terrible 2's"

I second that

quote:

Originally posted by smshybug:
This kid has had the same schedule, daycare, friends, tv shows (when she watches them), and I dont have anything different. I'm telling you, we are a well oiled machine. LOL

Ok, well than ruling out those other things, yep....I'd have to 3rd that. Sorry. She picks those things up here and there and stores them away just to see how far she can go. LOL

Good luck.

Yup, I agree with the pushing the boundaries thing. That's how 2 year olds learn what they can get away with. You handled it well.

Yep, sounds like the two's but that does not mean you have to let her get away with it. She may have been hearing it in daycare all along and just now saying it out loud or there could be new kids in the daycare helping her learn. If regular time out is not working make it more difficult for her. She has to stay with her nose in a corner, on a wall, in a different room as you, somewhere and some how that you know she will not appreciate. Make sure you are firm with it and follow through because you just might get more of a fit the first few times you change it. I know this is the most difficult but stay calm and assertive. Good luck.
God bless.

Thank you all for your replies. LOL The corner thing . . . she just laughs. Of course, with her cute little face I have a really hard time not smiling back at her. Which actually brings up a kind of funny story ...

Kai threw a tantrum because she couldn't have a cookie while we were at my parent's house. I picked her up, explained to her that this was not acceptable and put her in the corner. My dad got up and left the room laughing, and my step mom starting crying. She said that Kai was too sweet to be put in the corner. Then my dad comes out and says "no one puts baby in the corner," and busted up laughing. By then everyone was laughing, including Kai.

I am trying to remain calm with her and it seems to help but sometimes she just pushes the right buttons and I just want to put her in her room and close the door. But I suppose every parent has those days.

Okay so here's an update on the little princess' attitude:

Lately she has been saying "i dont like mom." Which I explain that it is okay if she is mad and doesn't like mom. This is the only time she says this. 5 minutes later she comes up and give me a hug, blah blah. However, even though I know she is mad when she says this, and sometimes when she upsets me I dont feel that I like her at that moment . . . it still hurts my feelings.

She doesn't really throw tantrums anymore though. She more or less starts to whine, kneels on the floor and puts her head down. I, of course, pick her up and tickle her or make her laugh. The thing that did resolve her tantrums though was if she threw one, I walked away and when she came to me, I would ask her if she wanted a hug. She always says yes. One day, no more tantrums.

quote:

I am trying to remain calm with her and it seems to help but sometimes she just pushes the right buttons and I just want to put her in her room and close the door. But I suppose every parent has those days

I still do this with my teenager I have to insist on his tone and word choice before I will listen or he gets sent to his room.

Sounds like it's working out and you're changing a negative situation to something the two of you can enjoy. Awsome job MOM!

Putting her in her room and shutting the door is probably exactly what she needs when she's pushed you too far. I've read that you should never leave a child in time-out too long since they tend to forget why they're there in the first place. 1 minute per year of age is a good guideline for this. When you allow her out of time-out, always make sure she knows why she was put there in the first place. I still do this with Alex and Katie. I ask them what they did and why it was wrong. Man they hate answering those questions but if they don't answer them, then right back to their rooms they go. Talking about how they got there in the first place after they've had a couple minutes to calm down, can actually be a big help. If they're unsure what they did, it's a good time to explain in words they understand and it also gives you an opportunity to discuss alternatives to the undesirable bahaviour.

Every child is different so you have to find what works best for you. It'll probably get worse before it gets better but it will get better. The important thing is to NEVER CAVE.

My little princess was exactly the same at this age. She too used to tell me that she "didn't like me anymore" which can be absolutely devestating, i know. As she got closer to 3, i sat her down and asked her how she would feel if mummy said something like that to her, and for the first time she actually considered the impact of her words.

Time out never worked for us. Chaya would just sit through the three minutes as it really wasn't punishment for her at all. We ended up making a rewards chart, with gold stars, which were earned for good behavior during the week. A certain number of stars for the month earned her a token $5 toy. We did this for 6 months and it worked a charm.

The other thing i used is removal of her favorite toys to the cupboard when she is naughty. They stay there anywhere from 1-7 days depending on the behavior and she had to earn them back.

Now that she is almost 6, i find pocket money an excellent incentive for good behavior and helping round the house. She only gets a small amount, but in encouraged to save it but can choose to spend it if she wants. She feels so proud when she earns her money and loves emptying the money box and counting her change (great math practice).

Different methods work for different children i think. Some kids respond to smacking, other to rewards and consequences. Whatever works for you and gets you through the day i say go with!

While I'm all for positive reenforcement, I wonder if this might be "bribing" the child to be good. I know a lot of parents who give money for good grade cards. Well I believe that the good grade IS the reward for hard work. I refuse to reward anybody, child or adult, for doing what's expected of him/her. Now when they do something above and beyond what their normal daily routine requires of them, I do reward them. Katie gets an extra hour of computer time for giving Ryan a quick bath, Alex gets rewarded for helping his sister clean up her room.....etc.

I think that by showing children that their undesirable behaviour results in negative consequences, prepares them for adulthood. There are a million and one things they're going to be required to do as adults that come with little or no appreciation. It's better to prepare them slowly for it than for them to get out of college and have to learn how to live in the real world.

They need both.........(zipping lip now, calming down)

Children need to know their behavior is unacceptable (ooopss :hand covering mouth

and they also need to be shown how to do things properly (yikes where did that come from :holding breath now)

by positivily rewarding desired behavior will increase it's frequency.... (I'm outta here can't keep my big mouth zipped.. LOL)

(Ok I admit it... I ride the fence on issues)