I try everything time-out, corners witholding desired items, sending him to his room and then I finally resort to spanking him on the but (not too hard(. But I hate spanking. I know consistency is the key and I am consistent but it seems the only thing he responds too...anybody out there with any other ideas?

Hey,

Spanking is one of those topics that seems to explode on boards...people often seem to have immovable feelings about the subject...anyway...

If spanking is working for you, then I wouldn't worry about it too much. It'll lose effectiveness as he gets older, however. Really, you can't keep it up until he's 18.

I've had a notebook since little Bobby was 7yo. In it, he writes pages of sentences that says what he should differently so that he won't have to write sentences again. It's a good punishment because it's specific to what he did, it makes him practice something useful (writing...and sometimes I throw new words in the sentence), and he hates doing it. Really, he hates the time he has to spend doing it instead of fun things; I always make him wait until it's playtime before he writes the sentences.

As for me, when I do things bad, little Bobby hits me. It works; it's the most effective way I've found to remember stuff so far. I also get to keep track of how good his punches are. I don't want him to punch people often, but if he ever needs to then I want his punch to be good.

Later,
Bobby

I didn't even read the original post and I have to apologize because I will go back and do that and edit this in a min.

I always used the philosophy that if the punishment couldn't be expressed with a hand it shouldn't be expressed.

My son changed that. Time outs don't work, sending him to bed early doesn't work, swatting his butt with my hand didn't work. What seems to be working to get his out of control 2 year old behavior in check? He's scared of being swatted with the fly swatter.

I don't even have to use it since the 2nd spanking with it. I just have to threaten to use it. I hated swatting him in the first place with my hands and I cried over having to use anything else but I was desperate. He knew I was sick and was pushing every limit and I couldn't get him in control again.

I still feel bad for the first 2 uses, but realize that now he knows I mean business and that I'm the Mom and in control. He's going to be bigger than me very soon, he's nearly stronger now. He had to learn who was in charge and I hope that he has.

Edit: Wow, I just went back and read the original post by you, Looney, and I'm in shock that I was spot on. I needed to vent a bit about my son because he is 27 months old and driving me nuts with his defiance! LOL I see your son is 3. I was raised being spanked with a leather belt and hated my parents for it (because they didn't use the philosophy I have tried with my son) I just wanted him to actually know that I could make him feel sorry for his actions..you know what I mean? I don't want to use it again and hope I won't have to, but right now just saying the words "I'm going to get the spanker" makes him straighten up.

quote:

Originally posted by Blindsky75:
[qb]I still feel bad for the first 2 uses, but realize that now he knows I mean business and that I'm the Mom and in control. He's going to be bigger than me very soon, he's nearly stronger now. He had to learn who was in charge and I hope that he has. [/qb]

...kinda like your hiroshima and nagasaki

I gotta say, my sister's use fly swatters but I couldn't do it...

Later,
Bobby

LOL the flyswatter....I'm laughing at you laughing at yourself in amazement. It's amazing how diff each kid is and at what lengths we have to go to...but the last thing I want is a punk so....He's now 4 and I see him starting to listen a little better. My Mom always said the terrible twos were actually 3-4 and I have to agree....but now his mouth is starting to get fresh...

Ya know.. this really is a delicate subject. I spanked my oldest once, when he was little and it literally broke my heart. I could never do it again.

I think if spanking is done correctly and not over done.. and IF it works - it's OK. Not for me, but it has a proven track record.

I really like the idea of making a child do what we used to call write offs. Sentences. That one is good, because they practice writting, and they are reminded of what they did .. over and over and over. lol

Looney, if spanking works - don't feel guilty about it. Obviously, I would never agree that spanking to the point of abuse is OK .. but I know you are not referring to that. So .. normal spanking can be effective. I think it's better than yelling, and pulling hair etc.

LOL @ the flyswatter.. I could not do that and it shouldn't be funny - but it kinda is.

I'm terrible @ dicipline... I admit it. It's one thing I fear my oldest is missing in his life, because I really don't do a good job of it.

I take things away, but I give them back. I ground him, but let him off early... etc etc etc.
*sigh*

My Mom used a wooden spoon. Ouch!!!
I have to admit I have only actually spanked a few times and different kids. Normally the threat of it will straighten them out especially if other people are around. I get down at their level, quietly and calmly let them know that if they do not straighten up I will bare their bottom in front of all. Normally they straighten up, which is a good thing because I really don't want to do it but am normally at the end of my rope.

You know I have learned that distractions are awesome especially with a 3 or 4 year old. It is a tough age and can really set the mood for the next few years.
Also when I am really getting to the end I will sometimes just make a silly joke and shake it off. It breaks the tention when we all laugh and a lot of times they will straighten up because they relax and the tention is broke.

quote:

Also when I am really getting to the end I will sometimes just make a silly joke and shake it off. It breaks the tention when we all laugh and a lot of times they will straighten up because they relax and the tention is broke.

That is awesome! I do that too. Sometimes, when I have to scold... I go back and joke around - not taking away from the point, but to let my son know - just because I was upset with his behavior does not mean I am going to stay that way, or that we can't move on.

Laughter is one of my very favorite things!

Oh is that how I am suppose to do it? lol
I make the joke while scolding.
"If you don't straighten up your attitude I am going to tickle you till you pee your pants!!!"
Or
"If you keep up the attitude I am going to hang you from the ceiling fan and beat you with a wet noodle." They love that one.
Or toss you in the trash. They like that one too.lol

I think I've spanked my daughter maybe 4 times in her 5 years of life. Seeing this post reminded me of the first one, the one that broke my heart.
Time outs work well for me now. She stays where I put her until she is ready to come out. A few weeks ago, I told her I was going to slap her butt, and she said, "No you wont. I'll just go hide behind grandma, and she wont let you." Thats when I started laughing. Or she'll tell me that she is going to tell my parents on me, if I do something she doesnt like. Discipline isnt easy.
When I was younger at my babysitter, (who had 7 sons), we got wooped with a plastic race car track. I think I only got it once, and then I only needed to be threatened with it to make me stop whatever I was doing after that.

I was spanked, (incorrectly) and spanked my first child, a son of course incorrectly. My daughter never. Spanking did not work for Tyler. Time out or sentences when he got older worked best. Last week, Tyler and I were talking about how to discipline his soon to be two year old daughter. I told him I didn't believe in spanking, and he got this stunned look on his face. He said "Who are you, and where the heck were you when I was little". I said, Well, look at you. Spanking didn't work. He just laughed. Plus, Grandma's are different then moms. Even 36 year old ones.

quote:

"If you keep up the attitude I am going to hang you from the ceiling fan and beat you with a wet noodle." They love that one.

hahaha!!! I love that. I'm gonna use it !

And I thought my Mom was weird for telling my kids she was going to throw them away!

We distract my kids when they hurt themselves (minor bumps) by having them apologize to the door or the table they ran into. Other family members think they'll get a complex, but after they apologize to the floor for falling on it..they forgot the ouchie. LOL

My kids are a bit older (didn't do this when they were small) but, I usually look at the ouchie and if it's minor - I say "I don't see any blood" ... it seems to take the drama out of it.

Isn't it funny how many bandaids we put on ouchies that don't really need one - but it makes them feel better.. so we do it? Well, I do anyway. lol

Oh Oh I forgot the part about the toes. I hang them by their toes from the ceiling fan. Sorry.

My Gosh Inni, I think I need to invest in bandaids and get some of my money back at least. The amount we go through. If one has a bandaid for something then the others are looking for a boo boo or anything they can put one on. So for one I have to have 5 or so.lol Oh well they are cheap and make them happy.

By the way B I know you have never heard me claim to be normal and I don't think you ever will. Not seriously anyway.