i have a question and I would just like to get everyone's opinion. I'm wondering how you guys feel about giving your children time outs? I work in a daycare center where time outs are strictly forbidden, but my sons pediatrician says that time outs are a great form of punishment and that my son should be getting them often. I don't really have strong feelings about the issue either way, but I am becoming confused about all of the conflicting advice. I would love to hear some different points of view. Thanks guys.

jd29,
what type of punishment or "conflict resolution" are they using for the kids at daycare?
Time outs worked well for me and my child. We use them to this day for both of us. At the age my daughter is now (13) it is more of a time of reflection and cool down for both of us before we discuss the problem. When she was younger it was a way to remove her from a situation and give her time to think about what she did incorrectly. Yes, even at a young age (1-2) they can understand by conditioning with time out and it gathers more meaning as they get older. You have to be diligant with the process though.


There is my 2 cents.

Carla

Like CA, I'm questioning what method of discipline they are using. Most of the daycares where I live use "time out" usually for a specified amount of time. When they are little like 2 - 5 years old you use time out for the number of minutes their age is. When mine got older, I no longer set a specified time. I just sent them to their rooms and when they were in control they would come back down into the family living area. If something needed to be discussed it was, otherwise no further mention was made. Like CA said it was not used as a punishment, but as a cool down period. Some people object to sending them to their rooms, because they could play, read, whatever, but my purpose of sending them to their room was for a cool down and if that helped them cool down I had no problem. If discipline was necessary, they lost a privilege or had to do extra work. Something along those lines.

For some reason, time out's don't work for me... I have other methods of tending bad behavior... Tho some may not agree with corpral punishment. It curbs my WILLFUL tike... Nothing major. A light swat on the but, tho only when all other posable alternatives have been exahusted... It doesn't hurt him pain wise, but the effect works wounders.... Then after the swat, talk to him about why he got swated in the first place... I found that it does work, he's not QUITE as willful as he once was... Tho he still tries

I will not become my EX-stepfather... with the flying belt that lands where ever it falls... I can remember 1 1/2 in runnals up an down my back, butt, legs, arms. Granted I never did what I got beat for again... It was abuse none the less...

One swat, with a hand, not hard. Works for me.

We are told that we are supposed to use redirection, give the child an acceptable alternative to the innapropriate behavior, and we are supposed to teach the older children conflict resolution. These are great techniques, but I also feel that there are times when a time out may come in handy, I simply don't understand the big deal and why they are so against it. Thanks so much for your input.

I am pretty strict but I don�t really like time out. I think it depends on the personality of your child and for my son time out was counter-productive. When he first went to kohanga (Maori language preschool) they used time out. He was sent to time out (I can�t remember why) - he was totally mortified which made him really angry and upset, defeating the whole purpose of time out and after his allotted 4 minutes was in a complete state and certainly had not reflected on the error of his ways! Most of the time for him redirection works, and he will do pretty much anything for a bit of positive reinforcement. I told the kohanga I did not like the time out (I did not interfere at the time) and that just giving him some praise when he did something well would earn them a devotee for life. The teacher played a game with him and told him how great he was and now he trusts them and wants to please them therefore if they say NO he obeys. But as I said it works for me because of his makeup, what concerns me with some preschools is what is the difference between time out and the old humiliation of standing in the corner with a dunce�s hat.

Between the four children I've tried everything... the things I've found work the best depends on the child, and the age... my oldest I reason with, the 5 yr old (has autism) works best either being sent to his room or given extra chores, the 3 yr old needs a swat once in a while... can be totally unreasonable. But most of the time all he needs is a time out to think for awhile... or a big hug (try last thing first... and then second last etc), the 2 yr old is still a baby... and ver sensitive.. so all it takes for her is a hug, some snuggling and telling her to be a good girl

Time outs are great...I have a different spin on them...It works much better than the old traditional time outs.

When my son will not give up on me and is acting like a complete monster and I can't take it anymore I give myself time out. My son tells me you have a time out and and sit in my room or livingrm and just say away from him. Finally he will come to me and we chat about what he did to make me so angry and mad.

I do give him time outs as well. He goes into his room and spends time alone w/himself thinking about what he did.

Hope this could help you.

SPIRIT

Thank you all I appreciate your opinions, I feel that most of the time redirection, reasoning and positive reinforcement for the good behaviors are enough to keep the children in line. The only time my son gets a time out is when he is being physically aggressive. This goes for the kids at the daycare also. Once in a while I do sneek in a time out when a child is repeatedly hurting the other children. Not so much as a form of discipline , but more as a time for the child to cool down and regain control. I usually sit next to the child and talk to them about what they should be doing instead of the undesired behavior.

My cute little angel requires very strict discipline. She was a MONSTER up until recently. I was never spanked as a child and my mom always told me it was bad for a kids self esteem to swat them. So I just used timeouts. Worked for awhile, until she got daring enough to tell me no and refuse to sit there. So I decided, scr*w the self esteem cr*p, this kid's outta control! She now gets a swift swat on the behind, followed by a timeout. And if she decides to get up, another swat and the timeout starts over. It only took a few times for her to figure out mom's the boss and she means business. And her self esteem hasn't been negatively affected - she's still a princess as far as she's concerned - just a nicer princess now.

And that's why I hate daycare... they're so worried about doing something that will get them sued, they're raising children to be brats by not disciplining them when they should. My babysitter's the same way, sometimes I just want to scream at her because she lets my kid get away with murder because she doesn't want to see her cry if she gets a timeout.

Any other babysitter I have (sisters, friends, etc.) knows they have the right to swat her if she needs it. Kids need to know that adults are in charge, whether it be their parents or anyone else present. I am determined not to allow my kid to be a brat.

I give my son three types of time-outs:

1. He's to go into the designated time-out area and not be able to come out until he is ready to follow through with whatever the expectation is. This seems to work well. He takes ownership to this and has control as to how long he wants to stay in this time-out. The only rule is he has to comply with the expectation once he's out. If it takes him 5 seconds or 3 minutes to accept it - it's up to him. He usually complies.

2. Book time. I stop everything he's doing (playing, watching TV, colouring, whatever..) and give him a 5 minute timed "book time". I expect him to be quiet and if not, he's not to resume to his play time. If he does well, he can resume. This works well because reading is educational; he loves books; its redirective; and is also productive. When he hears the timer go off, we talk about the behaviour and he's free to play again.

3. This is when I send him to bed. I set the timer for 5 minutes and if he continues with his outbursts (aggressive behaviours) I keep adding 5 minutes to the clock. He's getting better with this. Also, worst case scenerio, if he ends up falling asleep (due from the temper tantruming), once he's awake and we talk about what's happened, I choose the next activity for 5-10 minutes - he's put on trial. If he's cooperative, he's free to do as he wishes.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea or not but it works. Right now he's in 'nap time' for kicking me and calling me names. Usually he would scream for half hour or so but today he went to sleep right away. I use nap times during the weekends to give us both a break if we need it. It's not unreasonable because he's still somewhat of age to be taking naps.. so I think.