I have a boy 11 and girl 9, let me first say that my girl is a bit more responsible than the boy, who is great but then I have her bad attitude, so I guess it�s a trade off. What I suffer from is authority problems; my children have NO respect for it! I do know that it�s my fault for being such a push-over parent when they were young, and because I was a young mom and had them way to young and didn�t know a darn thing about parenting. NOW I got my garbage together and understand what my purpose is here! But I feel that the damage is already done, I mean if I say �clean your room or else� they don�t seem to fear the �or else� part EVEN if I do follow through with what I threaten them with, such as the corner or time out. Those seem to be the only punishments I can come up with these days. We're a little poor so we don�t have much so taking things away wouldn�t be meaningful. I just want to put the fear of �OR ELSE� back into my authority! Any suggestions?

Is there anything around the house you need done? Maybe have them take care of that as discipline? I noticed you are online, do they get online time, if so, take that away. That worked(s) a lot for my kids. Other than that I can't really think of any other ideas. Maybe someone else can help. Time out stopped working when my kids were that age.

I have the same problem with mine. Boy 11 and girl 7. My son has been seeing a coucelor and I asked him what to do about my son ignoring me when I ask him to do something or tell him not to do something and he does it anyway. I told the doctor that I have been talking to my son for 5 years trying to get him to understand that he needs to listen to me and do what I tell him. I have tried time out, spanking, yelling, reasoning, explaining, sitting him on his bed with no toys and no TV. Nothing has worked so far.

The doctor said that he does not fear the consequrnces and that I had to strengthen the punishment.

I decided to model what the school does by having 3 cards for him to pull if he disrespects me. When he pulls a card he must do some kind of chore, like clean the toilets. If he whines about cleaning the toilets he gets another chore, if he whines about that one, he gets another chore and so on until he just does what I say without whining.

It seems to be working, I made him clean the 2 downstairs toilets earlier this week and he has had a better attitude since then.

I explained in detail what I typed above to him before we started. I told him he would pull a card for a nasty tone of voice, yelling at me, stomping away from me if he gets angry at me and anything else I feel he should pull a card for.

Good luck and let me know if you try it and if it works out for you.

You know, schools kind of know what their doing when it comes to punishment and consequences (I�ve noticed a slack in consequences in the school system before) but they can get creative! And what works is the consistency! There should be NO warnings! Especially after the expectations have been explained in full detail. I think I will try to use some sort of tactic like that, my only fear is that since I�m not with them all day long because of my work schedule, they tend to get out of line and I�m not there to put a stop to it! I only get the weekends as a whole day of together time and If I have to spend that time punishing, then I�m not getting satisfied with my outcomes because 2 days aren�t enough to drill the expectations into their heads. What kind of parenting is that?

I listened to Nanny 911 on the radio on my way home from class Monday.

The little girl who needed to realize she is not the boss of the house sounded absolutely distraught. She thought once the Nanny left, everything would return to normal. The parents assured her that once the Nanny left, they would continue to practice discipline eventually making them a happier family.

I think sometimes out of guilt (of working/single parenting) and exhaustion, many of us have experienced being a "push over parent." At their ages, it may take longer to teach them that You are the authority but with consistancy, it will be much sooner. Try not to give in - The first few weekends may be rough and unenjoyable but think about how smooth the rest of your life may be if they learn now.

I did notice you said time out or corner time doesn't work. Those are tools I use with my 3 year old. She Will Not sit in time out on the couch or stand in a corner. However, she will sit in her room until she calms down or is willing to do what I ask her to (brushing hair, etc.) After she comes out, she is calm and we discuss why she had to go to the room.

Point being - have you tried to send them to their room until they are ready to do what you ask?

The time you spend with the child is the most important time there is. If you give them clear expectations about behavior it will carry over into the times you are not with them. Your children are not with you 24 hours a day, the time they are with you is the time you need to teach them how to act when they are not with you.P ractice the dicipline consistantly when they are with you, that is all you would be able to do even if you were a stay home mom.

I guess one way to that I deal with their behavior problems is to react right away! The second that they step out of line I�m right on their ***! It�s like following them and watching over their shoulder with every move they make! I find that to be sort of helpful. I�ve also gotten to know how to play their game, things like, if their quiet then I know their up to something but now I don�t even let it get that far im right there in their face before they have a chance to get quiet!
And I guess always being a teacher is good as well! They learn a lot from us as parents but I think we should act like we have a mimic at all times. As soon as you have a chance to respond to someone (maybe your relative or friend) in a friendly manner even if it�s a confrontation, with respect and dignity, then the kids will see that is the way to respond and the out come is great! Remember it�s a constant Job and the work never ends! Just accept it and take on the challenge with your boxing cloves on and hear pulled back!

In the "good" moments/hours/days, I make an effort to commend my ds, almost 7, on the ways he's helpful around the house, to me and to other people. He gets such a proud look on his face.

Spending time "teaching" in the quieter moments is helpful then when they are misbehaving/being a pain in the butt, all it takes is a gentle reminder about the "good" behaviour. Children of all ages can be responsible and kind and *do* have a conscience about what they do and don't do.

Yes,
Kids are much smarter then we think!

I have no personal experience with children that age, but my friend (who has 4 girls from age 6 to 14) uses a points system. The girls start out with 10 points every month, then they get points added or substracted for good/ bad behaviors. At the end of the month they receive a certain amount of money per point and then start again with 10 points.
They also have regular chores (like setting the table or clearing the table, not much more really), and if they don't do these they loose points as well.
It seems to work..sometimes.
The points are on a sheet of paper everyone can go check, even the little one understands that. The kids can manage their own life in some way I guess, with this system. They also get a basic pocket money (which is not dependend on behavior), on top.

I've tried point tactics before when they were little but to no success. I think now that their 9 & 11 i'm gonna try it again and add the money thing. Since that has been such an interesting factor to them lately. I'll let you know how that goes.

Chores, do them or don't get any allowance. Don't get them and lose out on something that they like to do. Just come down hard. Have a family meeting, let them know what is going to happen and how. No warnings. You say it once and that is it or there is a consequence. Even if it is cutting 15 or 30 minutes of t.v. time out. Something you can manage and that won't totally ruin all your time with them, but, will make them see you are darn serious!

I am soooooooooooooo bad at this. I know what I should do, but I don't. The only time I am able to be firm about anything is in regards to their school, health or safety.

I tell my son to clean his room, and he never does.

Well, if you had to pick three good ones to be firm on I'd say you went with the right ones! Don't be so hard on yourself. I agree that singleparent guilt is even worse. We just have so little time and following through with this stuff can completely ruin it, but, I think in the end the benefits totally outweigh anything you think you've lost.