Hi to everyone, I have some scary news for those who have followed my long list of problems with my sons dad on this site("see daddy's a monster" or "this isn't fair" posts). My worst nightmare came true tonight...he is filing for shared custody. He called tonight to let me know so I wouldn't be upset when the papers came. I was so mad, I blew up and said a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have, he screamed at me over the phone. It's just that not only can this man not be responsible enough to take care of my son if he got shared custody but by doing this right now he is also ruining my future. My son is 2 1/2, he had 2 1/2 years to do this. But right now I am student teaching, graduating in May, as in DONE with college! If this goes to court I will have to go and miss days student teaching, I have already missed my maximum number of days staying home with my sick son, I will fail and not graduate. I had such plans...everything in my life was just getting better. My boyfriend talked to me about marriage on Valentine's day and made his intentions clear. I was going to find a job near him (about 2 hrs away from my home) and my son and I were going to get our own nice townhome(until we got married) and I was going to get a good teaching job and our lives were going to be perfect. Now I have a feeling it's all gone. I'm sure I will get a geographical restriction, I'm sure my ex will lie as always and I'm sure that my whole world is falling down.
I don't even know what to ask for with this post. I guess support, prayers, anything that might help me want to go onto tomorrow because right now I feel so dead and exhausted. I have to get up so early tomorrow, get my son ready, go to my non-paying student teaching job, and somehow smile and pretend like my world isn't crumbling around me. Thanks for reading, any help is appreciated...Jakesmommy

Hey girl!

The first thing I'm going to tell you is that I WILL pray for you. The next thing is to HANG TIGHT! I went through a similar nightmare about 8 years ago when my children were 1 and 2. I had informed my ex that I was moving to another state (mostly to get away from HIS abuse--although I did not tell HIM that). Next thing I knew, he had called child services claiming that I had left quarter size bruises all over my daughter's back. He had the kids for his visitation time that Tuesday night and reported me after he dropped them off at my house--claiming he had just seen the bruises. I woke up to a phone call from child services the next morning claiming they had to investigate within 24 hours. Within an hour, they were at my house--police escort and all. I was read my rights then questioned. Of course, I had boxes piled up to the roof, my children were happy, and MIRACULOUSLY, their "bruises" had disappeared. The guy then went to my work and church and asked questions. They also went to my children's childcare program. Thankfully, all those people raved about my parenting and told of what a nightmare my ex was. I knew I hadn't beat them, but convincing a judge with my liar of an ex in the room was something that scared me to death. I had to go to court to defend the "abuse" charges. For a solid month (until the court date), I lived as a nervous wreck. During that time, my ex filed for custody and for the courts to make me stay there. My mom kept telling me to trust God. I did--most of the time. I kept taking it back so I could worry some more. Anyhow, when I got in that courtroom, I had a long line of witnesses to defend me and reveal the truth about my ex. I had police officers, pastors, counselors, etc. on my side. In addition, the child services guy testified on MY behalf! The judge was able to read right through the lies, and I was awarded the ability to move to another state as well as the best visitation deal I could've had (virtually none for him). The judge was so disgusted with my ex, he almost threw him in jail for harassment! He was furious at my husband because his lies could've cost me my job--I am a school teacher too, and schools don't look too fondly upon those who abuse their own children.

What am I saying by revealing my soap opera? That God is in control. Don't spend all your time worrying. Spend your time and energy being the best mom you can be as well as doing the best you can at your job. You need to appear as stable as possible. Also, shared custody is not so common anymore. For simplicity, they like to have a primary caregiver. Now, your ex may get a lot of visitation, but unless he's an abuser, don't worry about that. Use the times your little boy is with his dad to rest, get away, get some stuff done. If he's a total jerk, then document it all and present it in court. In addition, statistically, children are better off living with their mothers. That's why it's so hard for dad's to win custody (I feel sorry for those great dads who lose though). Your ex is going to have to prove that you are a drug addict, alcoholic, or committing sexual acts in the presence of your child for you to lose custody. Make sure nothing in your life can be called into question.

Hang in there. As far as your absences, talk with those in charge. A lot of schools and colleges make exceptions when there are extenuating circumstances. ALSO, I don't know how fast your court system works, but if it's anything like mine was, you probably won't even get a court date until after you're done with your school year. If not, I do believe you're allowed to file an extension. Check with your lawyer.

Take a deep breath, and know that someone who has walked in your shoes somewhat is praying for you!!!!

Coach4Him,
Thank you for your reply, it was much needed. My boyfriend keeps telling me the same thing, it's not in my hands anymore so i have to have faith. I believe him but i guess it's just mothers instincts to fight. Your story was very inspiring, I would be living in a dream if that happened to me(the judge's ruling I mean!), I'm so scared right now. I meet with my lawyer tomorrow and I'm hoping he will have some great ideas. My son's father has never told anyone I abuse my son, he keeps his lies and harrassment short and under the table, just enough so that he con't get in major trouble. I just don't understand how someone who does absolutely nothing parent-like for their child can come along and uproot their stable and happy life and try to ruin them. I guess the selfishness of it all sickens me the most. Thanks for responding, I really needed someone to talk to! Jakesmommy

If all it did was bring a moment of peace to your life, then I'm glad I responded. Just keep breathing. I know exactly what you mean by the mother's instinct to fight! We are just willing to do whatever it takes to protect our little ones. Why a dad who has never before taken an interest in their child or children then decide to be a "superhero" one day is beyond me. They can be so selfish. It's usually about pride or money. It sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend now though. That's a good thing! Hopefully, he'll be there to help you through this. Good luck at the lawyer's tomorrow! To quote "Finding Nemo"--one of the greatest movies of all time: "Just keep swimmin', just keep swimmin!" Have a great day!

I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time! *sigh* Let me know if you need to talk. I've been really busy with school so I haven't been on here much but I'll try to check in and see how you are.

Coach4Him:great use of the quote! =)

Melissa

I read your story and I wanted you to know that you are in my prayers also and don't worry because you have already defeated your ex. It is just a matter of time, you are a warrior.

quote:

Originally posted by Jakesmommy:
[qb]Hi to everyone, I have some scary news for those who have followed my long list of problems with my sons dad on this site("see daddy's a monster" or "this isn't fair" posts). My worst nightmare came true tonight...he is filing for shared custody. He called tonight to let me know so I wouldn't be upset when the papers came. I was so mad, I blew up and said a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have, he screamed at me over the phone. It's just that not only can this man not be responsible enough to take care of my son if he got shared custody but by doing this right now he is also ruining my future. My son is 2 1/2, he had 2 1/2 years to do this. But right now I am student teaching, graduating in May, as in DONE with college! If this goes to court I will have to go and miss days student teaching, I have already missed my maximum number of days staying home with my sick son, I will fail and not graduate. I had such plans...everything in my life was just getting better. My boyfriend talked to me about marriage on Valentine's day and made his intentions clear. I was going to find a job near him (about 2 hrs away from my home) and my son and I were going to get our own nice townhome(until we got married) and I was going to get a good teaching job and our lives were going to be perfect. Now I have a feeling it's all gone. I'm sure I will get a geographical restriction, I'm sure my ex will lie as always and I'm sure that my whole world is falling down.
I don't even know what to ask for with this post. I guess support, prayers, anything that might help me want to go onto tomorrow because right now I feel so dead and exhausted. I have to get up so early tomorrow, get my son ready, go to my non-paying student teaching job, and somehow smile and pretend like my world isn't crumbling around me. Thanks for reading, any help is appreciated...Jakesmommy[/qb]

HANG IN THERE YOU CAN DO IT!! IN OUR PRAYERS TOO! GOOD LUCK... THINK POSITIVE!!!

Too funny Coach4Him! I love the movie, "Finding Nemo" just for that song!

Jakesmommy, you are totally in my prayers. It's hard to see it sometimes, but God has a plan and purpose in everything He does. He has not forgotten about you! Keep us updated!