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| <Tucson Superwoman>
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Hi Larry. I found this thread rather late but have to comment. I agree with everything Thinker, TM, and others have stated about their reasons for not attending church. I have tried different churches over the years, but have not found anything I felt comfortable in either.
I also feel weird when I go sometimes, being a single parent who on top of it has never been married...and not having a lot of money, I always dread that doanation plate going around, because we usually don't have much (if anything sometimes) to put in. And in some people I talk to, I feel as though they want to marry me off so I will have a husband and not be so much the sinner! I really would like to go to a church that is open, and upbeat and where there is a diversity of people. The best one I ever attended was one I went to a long, long time ago back in Ohio. It was a baptist churh and mostly African American, and it was so friendly and more fun. However, I am not baptist, I don't even know what exactly baptist is. If I could find a church that was upbeat and had a good program for kids and maybe a support group for the single parents, I would definately go. So far, I have not had much luck. |
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| <Drew76>
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Everyone here has very valid comments. I am a single father of a 4 year old and find it hard to fit in a lot of churches as well. I am presently going to a church that is very supportive of my situation, while there are some things I dont agree with at this church i also understand its a work in progress just like my life is. No church is going to be perfect all the time or even 50% of the time. No matter where we go in life we are going to find things we disagree with. However for me I go to church to learn more about my Heavenly father who is a loving father who is there for me even when I am not doing what I should be doing. I agree there is a lack of ministries for single parents in churches, but I have noticed in the last 2 years or so there are becoming more common. For all you people that went to church and felt they were condemed i apoligize we as Christian's (me included) at times can get judgemental hearts and can be condeming. However we are still human and make mistakes and are sinners just like the next man, but Gods not condeming he loving and forgiving and will meet us were ever we are at in life, no matter how many times it takes us to get it right he will be there everytime we fall. When you go to him and say God I know I have repented 1000 times before, He only says I dont know of 1000 times before I know of right now and you are already forgiven. Just like are children the might mess up and do something that drives you nut, but at the end of it all you still love them and want them. I get so dishearted when I here people go to a church that is conndeming at un welcoming. not all churches are like that nor all people like that. Most of all I dont follow religon which is man made, I follow the living word of Jesus and go to a church that does too.
Drew |
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| <LarryNCdad>
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Again, thanks everyone for your thoughts.
Superwomen, I hate to hear that. It's sad that the one place where we should feel most at home and excepted by others turns out to be a place we feel most judged. My daughter and I �shopped� around until we came to the church we�ve now been going to for 9 years. It immediately felt like we were at home because people wore whatever they wanted to, the music was great (something my daughter can relate to) and our pastor talked about God�s grace and being accepted where we�re at which the church reflects. Hope you find that as well. |
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| <AFirmBeliever>
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Hi all. Today is my first day on the board and I came across this post. The subject matter is very dear to my heart, as since my ex husband walked away from the Lord and his family, I have had an extremely hard time fitting in at church and finding a church. Larry, I'm in Clover, (not far from you).
I have no bitter feelings, or "why me God", from the situation. But to walk into a church, with 3 children (at the time, all 4 and under) it was difficult. We do not have a lot of money. I am the "typical" single mom. I've walked into churches and literally seen people (and usually from the middle age, to older adults) roll their eyes. The look on their face says "Another charity case. What are we going to have to do for her." The don't see a productive addition to the church. It's sad that their judging keeps them from seeing what we do bring. I am always complimented on my children's behavior, they are never a problem. We don't have family around. No grandparents, no uncles or aunts, no one. My children, especially my son, need the men of the church to step up and be good Christian role models for them. That just does not happen. I also live out in the country. Everything takes over 30 minutes to get to. It takes well over 2 hours to get myself and 3 little ones ready for service. Add that to the time of the service and the fact that the 2 oldest need to be on the school bus at 6:30AM, and we can never attend any functions that happen during the week. If one child gets sick, we all have to stay home. And with 3 small children that happens a lot. No one ever calls to ask to take the other 2. If you miss a week, no spouse to bring home the message, announcements etc. You're out of the loop. And it doesn't do much for your heart to be in the midst of families worshipping together, knowing that you don't and may never have that again. One last note...I am constantly judged for the fact that I am "divorced". People somehow hear that word and think that it puts me in a lower class of Christian, that I have a poor walk with the Lord. It doesn't matter that I didn't want one. It doesn't seem to matter that I fought and tried to do everything possible to keep it from happening. It doesn't matter that there was indifelity on his part, and that he became an unbeliever and left. You are in an emotional state, and low point in your life. The church we were attending at the time actually turned their back on us, and completely shunned all of us (including the children). Its just a very hard situation to be a part of. Thanks for listening. God Bless, |
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| <marliann>
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Hello Larry,
I was surfing the web and found this site and I'm glad that I did. I'm dealing with a challenge at the church that I presently attend. It seems that single parents tend to be looked down on in the church and their children as lesser than because mom and dad are not in church with them. Our children are also made into "instant troublemakers" if they make one mistake. This is not the only church where I've experienced this. It is like a spiritual virus that had spread everywhere. I know that the church frowns on divorce, but I don't believe for a minute that God expects infidelity and abuse to be tolerated as if it were a toilet seat preference dispute. Like I read earlier, it's overdue for the church to get off of its pedestial and love people as Jesus did. Jesus loved the worst of the worst and as ambassadors of the family of God we are to leave no one behind. Thanks for letting me put in my two cents!
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| <MomofThree>
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I know this is an old thread but I am new and have just found it. I go to church regularly with my three kids and have been a member there for over 10 years so I'm pretty comfortable. However, it IS really hard feeling comfortable a lot of times even though I've known a lot of the people for so long. It's hard when my kids are there just every other weekend. It's hard getting everyone ready and getting us all there without being incredibly grumpy by the time we get there!
It's also hard because while there is a Young Adult ministry and a Divorce Recovery Ministry, there is no group for single parents, my age - 41. Anything "single" is directed toward younger singles. So...I am frustrated only in that I could really use the support (moral mostly). So I'm trying to find a group in another church to attend functions, etc. without leaving my church. My kids are happy where they are! Larry, I'd be interested to know where you are in your "research". |
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| <mark uk>
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Iam not a religous person.But have you spoken with your Minster and raised your thoughts/concerns about the lack of a Single Parent group?
He should at least listen to your voice and consider it as apparently we are all equal in God's eyes.Or that was what I was taught when I was a kid.Your Minister may even get a chance to increase his congregration if he started a group,so everyone benefits in the long term. |
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| <clf>
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| <clf>
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Hi Larry,
My son is 7 years old and the church I grew up, while the ministers were not judgemental the people who belong, people I have know for a long way were judgemental. I know my own thinking went into that as well. I think until I came to the conclusion that I was forgiven for my past and realized that not going to Church and bring my son up in the ways of God were worse than dealing with my guilt. As it is I realized guilt is what kept me away and now We are blessed with a supportive church family. |
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| <MissKris>
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Hi all,
I am a never-married single mom in VA and I wanted to voice some comments about some things said in this thread. I stayed away from God and church for a long time for some of the exact reasons listed here in this thread. Fear of judgement, condemnation, not "fitting in" , etc. That all changed when I made a comment about God to my almost 4-year-old (at the time) daughter about God and she looked at me and asked "Mommy, who's God?" Let me tell you, it broke my heart that I had let my child live on this earth 4 years and not taught her about God because I was "too busy", "didn't have enough time between single parenting, full time job and school", "didn't know enough to be a good teacher", etc... my excuses could have made a list as long as my arm. So, I made up my mind to start going back to church. I did not "shop around" for a church, or "try churches on for size". I got on my knees, repented and asked God to lead me to where He wanted me to be. And he led me to a wonderful church, one that I had gone to as a child, and there were familiar faces and unconditional acceptance waiting there for me. The church has a wonderful children's ministry as well as a Young Adults ministry that accepted me in their family from the second I walked through the door. You see, I learned that in salvation, you become a new creation through the blood of Jesus. My past sins are forgotten, wiped clean, and I was washed white as snow and the members of this church remind me of that whenever I feel overwhelmed and unable to reconcile the "old me" with the new woman I am today. I have grown intimate with my Creator, and have a relationship with Him above all others, so if there are some in the church that look down on me or condemn me, I don't even think on that, because all that matters is who I am through Jesus Christ, not who I used to be. Those who judge, will be judged accordingly by God. That is not my concern, and to worry on those things would be a lack of faith that my Father will do the things that he has promised he would do. Do I consider myself lucky to have found a church so accepting? Does a servant consider himself lucky to have obeyed the orders of his master? No, God gave me a direction, and I followed it, and have prospered spiritually because of it. Talk to God about where you should be, what church HE wants you to be a part of. Talking to other people is not going to satisfy your needs if you have not talked to God about the situation first! |
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| <SueP>
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I haven't read all the responses but just noticed this thread. I was raised Catholic.... I was never a big believer. But my first thoughts when I saw this topic regarding single parents and church attendance
1) Isn't *** before marraige a sin 2) Isn't divorce a sin? So you get married in a church, then divorce for whatever reasona and well that kind of puts you into the "oh those type of 'believers'" I mean everybody sins at some point... but a never-married mom kind of wears it on her sleeve when walking into a church, does she not? Again, just a view from the outside yet with a Catholic upbringing. |
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| <MissKris>
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Yes, I do wear it on my sleeve. I do not try and hide my faults or my past. God has forgiven me of my sins, and will forgive me of any future sins, but being forgiven doesn't mean that you don't have to live with the consequences of your past decisions. God told us that in our weakness, he is made strong. Being a single mother has been and continues to be the biggest trial and challenge of my life, but in that, I seek God all the more. You see, it's easy to praise God when the sun is shining and everything is great in your life, but it takes absolute faith to KNOW that even during the darkest times, God is with you and will walk you through the tough times and deliver you on the other side. I have found that it is in the most difficult times that my faith has grown the most. Children, regardless of the circumstances of their birth are a gift from God. Period. And the fact that God chose my little girl for the most precious job in his kingdom (building His kingdom by bringing a person (me)to salvation) is just awesome and it shows me that no matter what we came from, no matter where we are in our lives, God still loves us. The bible tells us that even while we were STILL SINNERS, Jesus gave his life to save us! Isn't that amazing? God didn't send his son to save the righteous, he sent his son to save the lost, misplaced, outcasts of the time... the sinners. |
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| <tomany2count>
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Sue,
MissKris has hit the nail on the head and I do agree with her. What I am understanding is that you are not having problems per say with God but the people in the church. You know they wear there sins on there sleeves too. Sometimes they are just a little harder to see. Just by the simple fact of judging you for your sins they are in sin themselves. It is not there place to judge you or anyone else. No matter what church you go to you will find hypocrites and self righteousness I view these people as people that just need to grow closer to God. Being truly Godly would be excepting you and all for what they are and not judging anyone. God loves you despite your sins just as you love your girls despite things they might do wrong from time to time. We are but children growing into the grace of God. Pray and you will find your way back to God. Your relationship with God is up to you and not the people in the church. |
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| <SueP>
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MissKris, I hope you didn't take that as a response to your thread personally, I hadn't read any of them when I posted that.
It was just my take on what I'm betting is one (of probably many) reasons why the percentages are as they are. There has to be something different with single parents to make the numbers so drastically different and I am guessing that is a big one. Ray, I don't go to church, but, I made that decision long before I was even thinking about ever getting married, nevermind having children -- in fact, I was a child. I went because my parents took me. Just my personal decision and in no way reflects my feelings towards those who do.... Being a divorced mom would never stop me from going if that was what I wanted to do -- although I'm sure there would be those who would look down upon it -- but again, that would be "their problem" and not mineLOL |
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