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<PITA>
Posted
I guess where I have come to believe about this issue is this...

I have not always thought of, judged, or treated other's fairly. I have not always given people the benefit of the doubt or treated them in love. I have not always welcomed those who wer enot the same as I am or had the same background as I have had.

BUT

There were always those people who did not get offended at my ignorance, anger or misunderstandings. They were patient with me and answered my questions. They listened to my thoughts and responded. Sometimes we argued, sometimes we saw eye-to-eye.

I have to look at those who look at me the same way I did and do look at others. I have to view them compassionately. Jesus did not go the people to get compassion, he went to give it.

We are always looking at the church as a place to "RECEIVE" something be it a word, a helping hand, compassion or acceptance. That is actuallly not biblical.

We should be looking at the church as a place to "GIVE" something. To give a word, a helping hand, compassion and acceptance. Just think you may actually change those people who scorn you by loving them anyway. Showing them compassion and understanding. And helping them to understand single parents so they can be free to do the same back.
 
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<chrys77>
Posted
I too used to feel as if people were judging me since I was a teen mom and never married. One day our priest reminded me that the church is for sinners. If we were all perfect there would be no need for a church. Why would healthy people go to a hospital? Just like a hospital is for the sick, church is for those who sin...and we all have our own sins. Instead of continuing to carry this burden, I decided to use my experience as a single mom and teacher to help others. I became involved with the youth group. I have made it my mission to make sure everyone feels welcome regardless of what burdens they may be carrying. Once I became involved, I no longer saw the church as people who were judging me, but as my family.
 
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<Melissa Jo>
Posted
Going to church and allowing God into your life is a huge committment. I think many single parents may fear judgement by others. They may feel like they can not live right by God. I for one did not go consistantly because of being tired and overwhelmed on the weekends. Our weekends are the only time to relax and enjoy - therefore, I felt too tired to do one more thing. I used to feel like "Well when I have the energy we'll go to church, I need to go to church." I also thought to myself, God knows we are committed, we pray, we do our best to Live right. Well - that's not good enough for me or my children.

As long as we make excuses for ourselves, we will not realize how important it is to live right and accept the responsibilities of doing so. I have made a recent committment to God, myself, and my children. We have been to church the last two Sundays. I haven't felt so refreshed in months. I haven't felt so confident and so full of energy. God wants us make him the most important part of our lives! Through his creations, we have life and we have these wonderful babies to take care of. He does provide! We just have to open our hearts and allow him to. If there is anyone that has not been to church for fear of judgement and lack of acceptance, ask God to lead you to a church like MissKris did. He will lead and provide a church for you and lead and provide for you through life.
 
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<LadyB>
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schoolmommy:
[qb] I am Christian and attend church every Sunday. I think the reason that less Single parents attend church than you (and most of us)would like to see is because if you look at the demographics of single parent homes you may see that a good deal of them have to work on Sundays to pay the bills. Most of the Single mothers and fathers I know have a college education and can work a 9-5 Mon-Fri. However, there are many 20 and below single parents who did not finish college and/or high school. That may attribute to some of the lack of attendance. Further, even wednesday night services can be affected by the same situations.

As for the others that are not in that category and still do not go to church? You can probably get the same answer for it as if you asked why any person who was raised in church and values teh doctrine does not go to church. Lack of motivation, lack of sincerity, lack of trust in the church, the weight of sin in their lives. I know the reason I did not go to church for so long is because:

1. I did not truly have a relationship with him. I did not read the word daily, I did not pray daily, and I felt condemned.

2. I had accepted his death but not his Lordship. Sure, I did not want to go to hell but I also was not ready to submit every part of my life to him. Give up a relationship with my children's father? Not then.

3. My sin held me back. Even when I felt the draw to go to church, I knew that I was sinful and did not feel that I could "praise Him in spirit and in truth." We all sin, but I MEANT to sin, I CHOSE to sin.

What can the church do?
1. Intercession. Churches need to commit specific time to where all the members of the church will commit to come together to pray specifically for those in these positions.

2. Advertise. Let people know you care about them, be they single parents, drug addicts, homeless, ex-cons and that you want them to come and worship with you.

3. Set up acountability. If people have come to you expressing the desire to change link them with someone in the church community that is mature in their relationship with the Lord and who can speak with them on a weekly basis about things they are going through and teach them what the Lord has to say about these areas. It is called Discipleship.

4. Set up a small group in the church specifically for single parents. Not a dating service, a ministry. Preferably it should be led by a single parent and does focus on typical single parenting issues. I bet there are more single parents already in your church than you know!

My two cents and I could go on and on but will let others talk as I tend to dominate boards! [/qb]
 
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<Sunflower Central>
Posted
I am active in my Church. I've actually been thinking about this for a while.

I've been going to Church for a long time without my husband, while we were still married. And I have a few friends who were in the same point. Mom and kids were active, but husband wasn't. At first when my husband quit going to church it was really rough on me.

Now that we are divorcing, I'm okay. I've seen tons of other women at church without their hubbies.

Charity
 
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<RagamuffinMom>
Posted
I am new to this site... and I didn't read ALL of the posts here... but...

I was a leader in my church. My ex-husband was the head usher, and I was in charge of the greeting ministry. I was also a sunday school teacher. And I also did children's worship. I was active in women's ministry.

My husband left me in February. He was cheating, abusing, and simply not taking care of his family. He left in February... filed for divorce in April. He stopped attending the church. I continued to attend. We had started marraige counseling when he left in February... but he stopped attending that and the church in April. I continued my counseling with the pastor until August. In August he told me that I have no basis for the divorce that I didn't file for, and that I need to fight to save this marraige to this abusive man. I stopped attending the church. I am currently looking for a new church. But I can certainly say that leaves a sour taste in your mouth. It is possible that the reason single parents do not go to church is because it is hard to find one that will not judge you for your past.
 
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<Shirley>
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by CarlaA:
[qb] Hi Larry,
I am also with TY's mom and Thinker on this one. To add another twist to the story as well.. The churches I sporatically attended as a child taught "**** fire and damnation". It frightened me as a child and I never wanted to go back. I do not want my daughter subjected to those teachings at all. As and adult I teach my child about God and that he is a loving and forgiving God but you have to conduct yourself respectfully and ask for forgiveness. I also do not agree with many of the practices of some denominations. I have many more thoughts but religion and politics are VERY touchy subjects I care not to go into great detail about in conversation. I recently relearned that lesson all too well. [/qb]
 
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<Shirley>
Posted
Hi Carla,

I'm with Larry, Jesus hung out not with the religious leaders of his day, but with the sinners. Jesus on more than one occasion told the people to do what their leaders told them to do but don't act like they do, because their
actions were contrary to the word. We are commanded not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together as the manner of some is: but exhorting one another and so much the more as ye see the day approaching. Hebrews 10:25KJV
Just because you are raised in a particular church doesn't mean you have to stay there. I was raised Baptist, went to church only because
my mother told me if I didn't I couldn't go out to the clubs on Friday and Saturday. I was born again but no relationship with the Lord. Left church when I was 18 legal age, and went into the Catholic church for about a year, attended mass on a regular basis didn't learn any more about Jesus then than I had before. Kept looking,
at 26 found a non-denominational church in Kansas
where people actually were friendly in and out of the church, and yes there were those who smiled in the church but not out, but who's problem was that? Not mine, I needed as a new single parent with 16 month old twins, 3 year old daughter, and 7 year old son to know that God smiled.
The fellowship is important for we are commanded to encourage each other and pray for one another.
But it is not written anywhere that everyone who calls themselves a Christian is actually walking out John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another, as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. We can never
know why someone does or doesn't speak, it could
be difficulties in their own lives that prevent them from reaching out, but should that stop us
from being the ones that reach out?
That one smile, that one hello how are you,
might be all that person needs to help them
make it through the day, and as we reach out
to touch somone, Jesus in turn sends someone our
way to reach out and touch us.


Shirley
Greensboro, N/C
 
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<singlealoneasia>
Posted
dear all,

I am really glad I found this site. I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and is 4 months ex-communicado with my ex who is a married man.

I am emotionally broken and spiritually crushed, because for the first 3 years of our relationship he made me believe that he is single...and I was already deeply in love by then.

I was raised by a Catholic family but attended Bible Studies of a Born Again Christian Group...when I was 9 until I was 13...my mother discouraged me from attending the Bible Studies because she thought I was being brain washed.

I would say I grew up morally upright altho my family is not pious/religious..until I had an affair with a married man and engaged in premarital ***.

Now that I will be having a baby girl soon, Id like to walk straight again...and was blessed with 2 Godly friends who counselled me via chat/emails...and the other one...by phone and personal visits.

After giving birth, I am planning to hunt for a local church to join to as well. Its a little bit more complicated for me, as I am a foreigner in the country am currently living and working at, which is actually dominated by Eastern Religion (Buddhism, Taoism, Muslim etc..) there are a lot of Christian Churches as well...and there are ministries for foreigners like me...but it is more catered for socializing instead of being Bible or God Centered.

I am fervently praying for a Church wherein I could grow as the woman that God intended me to be...as of now I need a lot of support from friends, the community and the Church...but I guess it is really wrong to expect the Church as a Charity Organization...altho helping people like sinners and the poor... is the mark of authenticity.

And for our part (sinners and poor), we must humbly ask for help...and accept the fact that Church goers are imperfect people like us.

Only God is perfect...
 
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