Maybe I'm going through a mid-life crisis but this thought keeps popping up. How do you forgive your ex for being a lousy father... over and over again?

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First forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Yes God tells us to forgive others as we have been forgiven, but that does not mean we should forget.

If he has the information to contact his sons and is not doing it then he has not changed and you should not put yourself out for him. If yours sons know that their father knows how to contact them and isn't then he is at fault. Give your boys lots of love and let them know that it is not their fault.

The dad needs to do something to make amends for all the years he showed no interest. Your boys are at the age when they could do more with their dad so that might be why he is now trying to show an interest, but a dad can have meaningful times with kids from birth on if they want to.

Hope this helps.

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:
....Now, 10 years after our divorce he realizes his mistakes and wants me to relocate near him and forget the past 10 years. Some friends and family think i should forgive him since he's trying to do the right thing ((my gut feeling still says this is a selfish request and perhaps stop the guilt he's been feeling))

.......I know God wants us to forgive others especially those who don't know better. I don't know if I can, I don't know if this hurts the boys.

God tells us "to forgive" not..to "forget" and he also said "Furthermore, I say to to you, be gentle as a lamb, and wise as a serpent".

Let the "loser" prove over time he is truly repentant. You Have nothing to "prove" ..stand your ground....I'm suspecting that as you do, his true colors will surface once again.

Good luck.


OH, and get NEW friends and family!

I doubt your children think you are the reason behind the lack of contact. However, I wouldn't let them entertain the idea that you are the reason. In my case, when my ex fails to show up on the day he is to see my son (he also never calls to talk to him) I tell my child (because of what his father is involved with right now) that "daddy is making poor choices. Why don't we pray for him". I also continue to stress that his father loves him, because I know inside he does.

But I will never allow my son to think I am keeping his father from him. That's unfair to me and to my child.