Hi! My problem stems from me being a 20 y/o single mother of one (she's currently 4 mos. old). Let me give you a little background on the situation first. My daughter was born in February of this year. Through last fall, I was a full time college student at a major university in Texas, that happens to be approx. 500 miles away from my family, as well as the father and his family. This past spring, I decided to take distance learning classes, so that I would not have to worry about interrupting everything mid-semester. The original plan was for me to have my daughter up where I go to school, so that I could maintain a relationship with only one doctor and not have to travel to attend appointments (the alternative idea was to have doctors both at school and at home, and keep a constant relationship with both and then have my daughter at home). I decided it was best to maintain a stable life for myself and not have to switch back and forth every semester.

As luck would have it, as much as I planned and prepared myself, nothing went the way I thought it would. I was 37 wks pregnant when my grandmother suddenly fell ill, and I was forced to drive home to be with her on her death bed. I drove home on a Saturday, my daughter was born Sunday evening, my grandmother died early Monday morning. So far, I have stayed at home with my family, since there is no reason I need to actually be on campus (still doing distance learning).

The original plan was to go back to the university that's 500 miles away for the fall, so that I could resume my full time status and continue on as planned. Now I think I want to stay here, so that I'm close to my family, my daughter has a stable life, and to some extent, I can maintain some degree of a social life (I have lots of supportive friends here and a lot of family that I'm very close with). I would remain in school if I stay; I would just be attending a nearby community college to save money and driving time.

The main problem I have with staying is with the father and his family. The father and I have not been together since I was 5 months pregnant, and I have had to maintain a civil relationship (not really friendship) where we only talk if it directly affects or is about my daughter. He went to a trade school here in my hometown, and for the past two months, has been in another state for a more specialized training program. He will be done with that by mid-August. As far as I know, he may or may not be returning to my hometown when he is done (apparantly, that rides a great deal on where the company who is training him has openings). I know if he can, he will return back (regardless of where his daughter is).

What I am afraid of, is that he will move back, and push for more visitation rights to his daughter. So far, I have never denied him the right to see his daughter. He has never had her without me present, but when he was in town this past weekend, he called me (while I was on my way to his house with her!) and asked if she could stay the night with him! I, of course, said no, but I am afraid he will push for this more if he's here (especially b/c his mom is around, and I really feel she is heavily influencing this issue). I do not feel that it is in her best interest at all to have visits without me around, especially since I could count on two hands the number of times he has seen her. Furthermore, I am breastfeeding (not exclusively, but whenever I am home I do).

Anyways, sorry this is so lengthy, but basically I want to know if my staying here in town will significantly jeopardize the visitation/custody issue with her father? He is named on the birth certificate, but to date, has not given me any monetary help for his child (not to mention, none of the prenatal care was covered by insurance, and I did not want to make tax payers support me via Medicade). His parents have given some things, such as diapers and clothes, but no monetary things either, and their amount of help is definitely not equal to what he would be paying, should I take legal action for child support. Supposedly, once he gets a 'real' job after school, he plans on 'supporting [his daughter] the way he should/wants to' (says his mother), but time will tell if he hands over a check to me.

Sorry for the lengthy post, but I appreciate any suggestions you may have!

Hope you have a great day!

Hey. I'm in almost the same boat you are (same state too.) My biggest suggestion to you is to do what you think is best for you and your daughter. Don't wait around for her father to decide to be a real father. The first lesson I learned when I found out I was pregnant is that actions speak much much louder than words. Good luck with your daughter and school.