The counselor pointed out something to me today. My decision making in front of my daughter may not be correct all the time or as thorough as it should be but I not the babysitter should decide what consequences my daughter will have for her bad behavior. The full time babysitter and I and my daughter have been going to counseling to try to correct my daughter's tantrums and misbehavior- all together so there is consistency between both home.

Well, one thing I am trying to start doing is have my daughter earn things instead of what I did in the past- give her what she wants. Ihad trouble setting limits and giving punishment (I was in the 'my daughter is not going to do without because she lives in a single parent home. ) Well, that train of thought got up with me. She acts out and has tantrums when she is not the boss.

Today I mentioned that I feel like **** when the babysitter in front of my daughter will remind me to discipline, not to pay her anything ( even a book or peice of clothing),. One time when she called and my daughter was screaming at me in the background, she talked to my daughter and told her no TV for the night ( at my house) yet I had the TV on for myself a couple of hours later. The next day my daughter told her the truth- yeah the TV was on. I got lectured for not following through.

Does anyone else have these kind of problem when the babysitter undermines your authority. The counselor told her today to stop taking the "parent" role away from me because if I am not the one making the punishments I will never gain the respect of my daughter.

I think the babysitter got offended because I know she reminds me of the "new rules of discipline" to support me and help me follow thru- but like the counselor said- that type of reminders should take place in private and not in front of my daughter so she doesn't think the babysitter has better parenting skills than her own mother.

I think the babysitter was trying to be helpful in pointing out some examples in which you were not being consistent with your new approach to discipline. Especially so, since you said she's involved with the counselling you're getting. She is trying hard to keep the two of you consistent using a reasonable amount of limits for your daughter. Sounds like you've found a pretty good babysitter!

That being said, however, I completely agree with you that those "corrections" to keep you on track absolutely need to occur in private. Even if she's totally right, and you made a mistake. You need to be the one who comes back to the situation and takes the item away or explains to your daughter that you are changing your mind about something.

We had a similar situation between my dad and stepmom. He had reprimanded her son about something, and when my dad was out of earshot, she minimized and dismissed my dad's lecture to her son. She was taking his authority away from him by going that route. She should have talked to my dad in private, expressed her concerns, and had my dad speak to the son about being too harsh.