Hey I am new to the site and I could really do with some advice from people who have been were I am now.
I am nearly 7 months pregnant and i am 18 years old and on my own. When I found out about the pregnancy, I had no doubts what i wanted to do I wanted and abortion I wasnt in a realtionship with the farther I had no stability and no part of me was ready for a baby there was no way I could keep it it was the best thing to do.
Then I found out it was too late to have an abortion at my hospital because the baby was too far along and if i wanted to i would have to go away and be induced into labour.
From this moment on my life has become crashing down it was the hardest descion i have ever had to make but i couldnt do it I didnt want to keep it but i couldnt do that.

Since then i have spoken to the farther and he wants nothing to do with the baby as far as hes concerned he doesnt want it and he has a new girlfriend and a new life.
My parents have been suprisingly supportive but i still cant manage to get my head round it as much as i try to look at all the positives and just feel more and more down. I just keep thinking ive ruined my life my and baby will never have a dad or any sort of financial stability how will i get cope on my own. It wasnt supposed to be like this I should be married to someone who loves us. I have never felt so alone before i look at pregnancy magazines with happy couples and wonder if we can be as happy with me on my own. I already have an amazing bond with this baby i love it so much already despite my doubts it needs me to do the best for it and recently i have been thinking is it best to give it to a family with a mum and dad who can love it just as much and can give it everything it deserves or to keep it on my own and struggle. I know if i did give i up for adoption it would break my heart and i would think about it all the time and hope it knew how much i loved it im not sure if i could live with that but i dont think i can do this at such a young age on my own am i being selfish if i keep it? I want my life back I wish this haddnt happened will things get better is there anyone who has been in a simalar situation? please help!!!

wow how terrible to be alone during this time. You have to think of the baby, what is going to be the best thing for this baby.
I am afraid I am going to sound very one sided but.... YES to adoption. You give your baby 2 parents, and you give your baby a lovely chance at a stable life. You give a couple joy, likely a couple who can not conceive.
Do you have what we call open adoption where you can remain an active influence in the baby's life. We have this here I think it is fabulous. As a teen mother ask yourself this, can you support this baby financially alone, emotionally alone. Do you have any idea what a baby cost these days? Are you finished school? If no do you want to finish school? How will you go to school and raise a child. Do you work? How will you pay for child care while you are at work? How about government assistance? I am certain that is barely enough to get one by these days no matter what country you are in.

If you can have a baby this easily, you can have another later on in life when you are much more prepared.

I ask you all this because you have very little time left and you need to make a decision right away. After you agree to keep your baby you can NOT give it back.

And trust me, all mothers bond with babies as soon as they conceive, adoption is going to hurt but... if you can have an open relationship with the adoptive parents you will cope, the human mind is pretty amazing, if you don't dwell on the bad things but see the good, an adoption could be wonderful, think of the baby and the chances it has in it's future.... who can provide for this baby the best way possible.

Please please think of the baby and who can give it the most.
~2~

I have looked into the whole adoption thing and there is an open adoption were you can track how your child is doing, I dont know if that would be worse though knowing that my baby is growing up with someone else watching it first smile first step first word when it should be me. But on the other hand could i spend a lifetime not knowing. What if the baby doesnt realise why I gave him/her up and wishes i didnt i dont think i could handle that

only you can determine what you can and can not handle.
I am a firm believer of "what's best for baby". PM me if you would like to talk more on this.
I have to sign off for now but would be more than willing to talk more if you feel the need. Keep your chin up I know this is NOT easy.
~2~

chloemy, I don't agree with 24me. While it may be true that there are many couples who are childless and would love to have a baby to raise, it doesn't compare with what you've already said. You already love this baby so much.
If you feel that strongly about this baby, I think you should keep the baby. While it may be true, that there are couples out there who may be able to offer this child a nice home with two loving parents, you can give it what it will want most, their mom. You can give them love. You don't know if your financial situation will change down the road. Since you've already talked with your parents, and say they are supportive, have they offered to help you out in any way? Can you live with them? Will they be willing to babysit for you while you work, or go to college? It's NOT impossible to do, and yes, it is rough. But if you love your child, than by all means that should be enough incentive for you to start to prepare for a way to raise them. You are eligible for child support, whether the father wants anything to do with this child or not, he's still responsible financially. I say think hard about it before you hand your baby over to another couple. Good luck to you.

Hi chloemy and welcome. I read ur post and totally felt ur pain. I was faces with a similar sit. at 18yrs old and once again at 28yrs old. The frist time I too was considering abortion and then decied againist. Adoption was concered too. Slowly as the pregnancy progressed I fell in love w/this little person and I decieded to keep my son. I went thru all the worries as well. Willl I be able to support this child? Could I go to college? Would I ever meet anyone that would want me? These fears went on and on. I had him dec.25 96 and knew that no matter what happened I would have my little boy to love. Thru the nine yrs that I rasied him I graduated high school, graduated college and still managed to go out w/my friends and have fun. Yes it was hard and furating at times b/c I was so young. Dating I'll be honest was hard. I've done all the raising of my son on my own. Don't let that scare u b/c I just always choose the wrong guys. LOL Then at 27yrs old I meet my daguthers father and ended up pregnate again and he left me when I was 2months preggers. I knew abortion was out but I consider adoption b/c I felt how can I provide for two children on my own. I knew that I would keep this baby as well. She was born three montsh ago and even thou it gets hard sometimes I would not chance keeping her for the world. Just wanted to share that part of my life story w/u so that u know that yes things can be worked out and done.

I joined this fourm w/a broken heart and totally scared. I thought of adoption and I was told many times here that I had the best thing to offer my new baby and that was ME. It sounds to me that u do want to try to keep this baby. Like pooker said maybe ur parents can help u out. U can achieve so much still if u decied to keep this baby. It does wonders when u have a supportive family to back up. I had that in my family and friends.

Ur right there maybe a couple out there that would give the world to bring up ur baby. If u decied that is whats best for u and ur baby then so be it. Its the hardest thing in the world to decied to give up ur baby. I know my birth mother had a hard time giving me to my mother but things worked out for the best in my situtation. Giving up ur baby does not make u a bad person in anyway. My heart goes out to u b/c I've been thru the same feelings twice. I ended up keeping both of my children and glad I did so even thou there r days that I just want to cry b/c it does get hard.

Honestly I would do what feels right. Look into adoption but ur not going to honestly know what u really want until that little baby comes into this world and u see him or her. I know for me thats when I completely knew what I wanted to do. Thru the pregnancy I was scared w/both and wasn't sure if I wanted to be a mom but when my babies entered the world and I held them for the frist time it fit me and I knew that my world woudl not be the same w/out them. I try to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason u just may not be able to see it right off.

So after I've given u advice I ho;pe that I could help. PM if u need someone to talk to.

Good luck w/everything

SPIRIT

Cloemy_87
I don't know what's best for you. Everbody's situation is different.

But I'm going to disagree with pooker and Spirit. Yes a baby needs a mother. But an adoptive mother is just as great as a bio-mother. My family has a few adopted children. My uncle and his wife were unable to have children naturally, but thru adoption they have a wonderful family.

If you are to a point in your life where you are emotionally stable, than I would keep the baby. I know you don't see how to do it yet, but most of us have gone that road.

But if you are not there, go with adopotion. To me, in both cases you are still a mother, having to make a mother's decision. They are both loving choices for your baby. I don't know you, I don't know your situation really. But I know my cousins and my aunt, who were all adopted. They thanks and bless their bio-parents who cared about them, and loved them enough to give them the gift of a great family.

I wasn't telling chloemy NOT to give up the baby for adoption. I was trying to tell her that before she just goes and hands the baby over to another couple, she should think long and hard, and make sure that it's a decision that she won't regret making. I'm certainly not against anyone giving up their baby for adoption, I just think it's something that should be thought out thoroughly before a decision is made.

Thank you to everyone for your comments it�s really helped me to know that am not the only person in the world who has been here even though it sometimes feels like it. I don�t think I posted this to for an answer it would be nice if someone could make the decision for me but I know that�s impossible. I think deep down I just needed to know that I can do this just like so many other people have, I agree with what everyone says and your comments have given me so much inspiration that is much needed. This is the scariest and loneliest time of my life and I look up to everyone who has been here but when I think of holding this baby I don�t feel so alone anymore. I think sometimes it�s hard to imagine rising a child in a world were everything is suppose to be so "perfect". I love this baby unconditionally and my happiness will never be as important as his/hers is that why I know I can make the right choice.

Chloemy_87,

I had to give some thought to your delema before I could respond. I really think you have made the choice in your heart already. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but can definately relate to being overwelmed with choices you think you must make. You are very young and nobody should have to make the choices you are faced with at your age.

I can tell you this much. What ever chice you make will effect you for a lifetime. I can tell you that being a parent can bring you most joy you will ever exprience. I wouldn't trade anything for the joy my children bring to me, everyday. No one will ever love you more than they will.

I know the thought of how you will make it raising a child especially when you feel you have nothing to offer can be overwelming right now. But you do have much to offer and it is more that material, it is the unconditional love you will always share with you child. This is something no one will be able to take from you. You will never have to search for a best friend as you will have one for life in the bond you share with your child.

I want you to think with your heart, you say that you love your unborn child now, imagine what it will be like to hold him/her for the first time. Imagine being there for the first time when he/she says "Ma, Ma". Imagine what it would be like to see him/her take first steps. And the is just the beginning. Those will be only a few of the memories you will have for a life time. Those will be the memories you will cherishing forever.

You do have a network in your family. You will make it. It probably won't be easy in the beginning but with time things will work out, you will see.

Follow whats in you heart, and you won't go wrong!

Good luck to you and God Bless....

I wish you and baby all the luck in what you do decide upon. It certainly is not easy. And you are very right, only you can decide what to do. ~2~

Pookerpics, I read your quote today. "IF ANIMALS COULD TALK WOULD YOU STILL EAT THEM?" Thought provoking (and it provoked a laugh out loud too)

I guess it depends.... What kind of animal is talking? Do birds and fish and insects talk too? And, what are they saying? Are they as intelligent as humans? Do I have to actually hear them talk myself, or just know that some or all of them talk? Are they nice or mean animals? Do talking animals still ruthlessly kill other animals by tearing them apart, starting from the rear quarters and eat them while they're alive (kind of like we see in the wild right now?) Is the talking animal overpopulated such that it is harmful to them and kills humans (kind of like too many deer in central Michigan, such that they starve in winter and jump in front of cars on the freeway and kill people). Can these talking animals outsmart me and kill me too?

After you answer these questions, I could probably give you a better answer.

By the way, I'm so sorry to interrupt a serious, life-changing topic here. I am very glad abortion is not being encouraged as an option at a single-parent website.

Children are precious, all of them. Focus on what is best for the child. But remember, just because a person is poor and/or underprivileged it does not mean the environment they have to offer is not best for the child. The opposite is true if a person is wealthy. LOVE is the most important requirement for children. LOVE can overcome a multitude of sins. Love is the greatest of all and without it, we have nothing. Tough decision. I suggest you pray about it--pray hard and long. Ask for guidance.

Chloemy - I also feel that you already know in your heart on what you need to do and you are just scared. I had that same worries, concerns, that you are asking yourself. I was not dating my sons father but we were just best friends at the time. When I told him I was pregnant, I knew already that he wanted me to get rid of it. That was not an option for me. Adoption did come up from time to time and he would try and encourage me to give our baby up for adoption. He scared me to death telling me that we wouldn't be able to raise our son. Anyway, we never ended up together and I ended up keeping the baby. I wasn't done with school, I didn't have a high paying job, I had rent to pay, and I had so many bills to pay. If your parents are being supportive then that's wonderful. I come from a strict family and it took me so long to tell my parents that I was pregnant but they were supportive and worried about me all the time. My son is going to be a year old next week and our lives have changed completely within the past year. The moment my son was born I fell in love with him and never wanted to let him ago. I knew that I would never be alone and that I will always have a man out there that will love me unconditionally. I didn't return to work after I had my son so I moved in with my parents. I'm now living with them, going to school full time, and working full time. Things are doable. I never thought I was going to do anything with my life and was scared that I wouldn't be able to provide for my son. There's a lot of government assistance out there as well that can help you out. My son loves me to death and I can tell that he does and I'm very thankful that I didn't listen to his father by giving him up for adoption. It's up to you on what you need to do but I feel you already know but you're just scared. Good luck to you!

rbb333, I answered you in a pm.