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I am for sure scared. I am 18 and i am 7 months along. I was set to go to one of the top college's in my area but had to decline my acception because of a bad mistake. Now all of my friends have taken off for school and i am just depressed. Dont get my wrong my boyfriend is one of my best friends but all of my close girlfriends have taken off. How much am i missing out on if i dont go to college and live in the dorms? i hope not a lot, but the thing is i'll never get to know. I dont know if i should be keeping the baby for the reason i may resent it. I highly doubt i would resent my own son, but i dont know. That's the hard part...what do i do??? my boyfriend wont even speak of adoption because he'd rather take the baby and let me do whatever then give his own son up for adoption. at least i know he is highly devoted to his unborn son, but i dont know if im ready. is it possibly just the fear of the unknown, i dont know. I just had such plans for myself, but everything has changed. I'll never get to know what my life could have been like...but i suffer from major depression issues...but no one really knows about them cuz im so good at hiding them...but could my son be my saving grace???? i dont know, i dont know what it is like to have a son...I dont know anything and im not mature enough to think about others, im still to invovled with myself. Isnt that how 18 year olds are suppose to be??!!??? Invovled with make up, clothes, friends, shopping, traveling and having fun??? How is that goin to happen with a child? its not goin to so I hope this changes with me, does it change, do i look past all this stuff im now obsessed with??? i hope so. I was the last person anyone would have thought to get pregnant. AS DID I>>>>>>>
Posts: 5 | Location: MN | Registered: 04 September 2004
Originally posted by Kaj: [qb] I am for sure scared. I am 18 and i am 7 months along. I was set to go to one of the top college's in my area but had to decline my acception because of a bad mistake. Now all of my friends have taken off for school and i am just depressed. Dont get my wrong my boyfriend is one of my best friends but all of my close girlfriends have taken off. How much am i missing out on if i dont go to college and live in the dorms? i hope not a lot, but the thing is i'll never get to know. I dont know if i should be keeping the baby for the reason i may resent it. I highly doubt i would resent my own son, but i dont know. That's the hard part...what do i do??? my boyfriend wont even speak of adoption because he'd rather take the baby and let me do whatever then give his own son up for adoption. at least i know he is highly devoted to his unborn son, but i dont know if im ready. is it possibly just the fear of the unknown, i dont know. I just had such plans for myself, but everything has changed. I'll never get to know what my life could have been like...but i suffer from major depression issues...but no one really knows about them cuz im so good at hiding them...but could my son be my saving grace???? i dont know, i dont know what it is like to have a son...I dont know anything and im not mature enough to think about others, im still to invovled with myself. Isnt that how 18 year olds are suppose to be??!!??? Invovled with make up, clothes, friends, shopping, traveling and having fun??? How is that goin to happen with a child? its not goin to so I hope this changes with me, does it change, do i look past all this stuff im now obsessed with??? i hope so. I was the last person anyone would have thought to get pregnant. AS DID I>>>>>>> [/qb]
Kaj;
I undertsand your feeling depressed and really scared but, that isn't going to change the fact that you have a little one on the way. You can't dwell on what could of been, you have to be strong and start planning your up coming events. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you can't recieve a college education! I was 19 when I became pregnant and boy was I scared. Not only for myself but for the baby as well because I was too immature to be a mother. I was too much into shopping, makeup and fashion! Let me tell you something once my son was born, I was one of the most happiest and blessed new mothers out there. I realized I can be strong and grow up at the same time. Babies do mature you because as a mother you have a great responsibility! My son is nine months now and I'm into my junior year of college. I'm studying to be a high school English teacher and I only have one more year to go! Single mothers can succeed, it just takes patience and strong will power. You have to put your self together, not only for your baby but, for your well being as well. You seem to be a smart girl, have the baby and suceed in college. You can do it! Good luck
Sorry for my bad spelling, I'm taking care of my son while writing!
Posts: 31 | Location: El Paso, Tx | Registered: 14 July 2004
Kaj~ Smile sweetie Life as you know it has not ended. It may have slowed down a bit, but there is a period of adjustment that takes some getting used to. I was 16 when I got pregnant, and 17 when I had my son. I did it all on my own for 3 yrs. It's not easy by far, but it is the most rewarding experience of my life. But really hun that is just my story. Everyone has there own, and their story is unique to them. All the feelings you are having are very normal, and to be completely honest I can remember those thoughts like it were yesterday. When you make any decision you have to step out of the "box" and look at what you can give your child, and what is right for them. Since I had my son and watched my friends have kids and they gave them up... I look at how it affected them, and I seriously stick to the following statement... It takes a lot of courage, heart, and strength to keep your child, but it takes even more to give a child up. Whatever you may decide, your in my thoughts and prayers. I hope all turns out well for you and your baby.
Posts: 1 | Location: Alabama | Registered: 07 September 2004
Kaj - you remind me of me. I had my son when I was 18, before him I was centered on myself, my cloths, my hair, and on sleeping in!! But it all changed and for the better. You need to figure out what is best for and YOU and YOUR BABY. I started college when my son was 6 weeks old, no I did not live in the dorms but thats OK. Its cheaper and I had more personal space living off of campus. I am sure you have heard this before, but I'm going to say it again. Go to college, not only for your own future but for your babies future. Everything will work out ((hugs)).
Posts: 631 | Location: The Land of Wolverines | Registered: 02 June 2004
Thanks everyone for the replies...It seriously helps to know that there are people out there who understand. I have started my College Online classes (5 of them!!) to work towards my AA...then to transfer to a private college. I am just worried about the change. My life will not ever be the same. Everyone seems to be so happy with their lil ones, I pray its the same for me. Going from Student Council President, NHS member, Interact Member, Math Tutor, Jr Rotarian, 3rd world Volunteer,to ....MOMMY!!!....its going to be a HUGE change!!!
Posts: 5 | Location: MN | Registered: 04 September 2004
kaj- I'm barely older than you, but I think what I have to say may still apply. All the responsibility you willingly took on in highschool has been a wonderful preparation for what is to come. Don't think that you lose your identity as soon as the baby here and you get slapped with the label "Mommy." There are plenty of opportunities for you to have "YOU" time, you just need to figure out how to balance it all.
It's incredibly frightening. I went from quitting college to party and work and do my own thing to suddenly being pregnant with no job and no promise of one. It's enough to keep you trembling nonstop. You need to realize, though, that you have more strength than you think.
The doubt will come and go. The love will fill the spots between. *hugs* Like someone above said, don't forget to smile, and do something nice for yourself. Wal-Mart has a great bath and body aisle... fizzy bath bombs the size of your fist, $1.99.
Wow, thats pretty impresive that you were active in highschool! I can tell your a really smart girl and you have a bright future ahead of you. Believe me if I can get this far in college including I have a son and a dirt bag(his biological father) to deal with; anyone can do it! Sorry for my french but, my sons biological father and I don't get along! You seem to have a good support balance with your baby's father, which is a plus. If you don't mind me asking what are you planning to do?
Posts: 31 | Location: El Paso, Tx | Registered: 14 July 2004
Every new mom has fears. It's not really uncommon. My relative actually wanted to adopt my son if I wanted, but I chose not to. It didn't seem right to put my responsibility onto someone else. You just really need to discuss this more with the father and decide what is best. " I was the last person anyone would have thought to get pregnant. AS DID I"
lol same here. I was one of those perfect nerds in high school. But you shouldn't worry about what others will think of you. You have to do what is best for you and what you could live with.
Posts: 8 | Location: USA | Registered: 10 September 2004
Who cares about "dorms"? I would rather live in an apartment where I can have some privacy etc than a little dorm. Stuck with a bunch of people where there might be drinking etc anyways. You might miss some days where you would be in a drunken stupor etc and possibly some friendships, but your family really comes first when all is said and done. When you think about it, all of the things you have mentioned are so trivial and insignificant when it comes to your child. I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you rough it out and go to college, I really don't think you'll have much to resent. You will actually be proud of yourself for having it all! To attend and complete college as well as raising a child is something very outstanding. You women really don't give yourself the credit you deserve. Good luck anyways with your decision.
Posts: 8 | Location: USA | Registered: 10 September 2004
You always have next year to attend college. Don't put yourself down. A child is never a mistake but giving up this time for no reason is. Some colleges even offer distance learning where you can complete your work at home and just go to the college to take tests at the end of the semester... you should find out. GL!
Posts: 8 | Location: USA | Registered: 10 September 2004
I am so thankful for Financal Aid!!! This is has helped me out so much...I recieved a lot of money for college and It is wonderful! Now I know for a FACT that there is the money out there for school. I am planning on getting my AA degree and then transfering to a 4 yr school to finish up on a degree...which hasnt been decided on...But I am so lucky, the baby's father is soon to be going into the Air Force to help me out. He is going to get trained in a field that is demanded in this area. This is so I dont have to work while going to school and taking care of the baby. I just wish I knew how the future is going to be..but I guess I just have to wait and see!!!!!!!
Posts: 5 | Location: MN | Registered: 04 September 2004
Congratulations! I'm so glad you have a supportive boyfriend. I'm just here to reassure you that the doubts and everything you are feeling are perfectly normal! I was the same way. I promise, and I know it sounds cheezy, but when you see your little boy, screaming his head off and determined as hell (because trust me, you will never see anything so determined as your baby when its born.) all the doubts are going to dissappear and you will know what to do. It will all come into place as you gaze upon your littly guy for the first time and you will know that no matter what, you're going to do what's right for him. Be strong, the fact that you got thru highschool life as ASB pres and all is amazing. I never even joined one club or went to any function that wasn't forced upon me. When I start to get frustrated at my spunky little boy, I just remember when I first saw him, I was crying and holding him up and showing him to everyone and saying "he's perfect, he's so perfect, look at him, he's amazing" and making everyone agree with me. It was pretty silly, but it still melts my heart to think about it. You'll be fine, I can tell already.
Posts: 567 | Location: San Diego | Registered: 11 May 2004
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