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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Teen Mothers Having problems with my sons father!|
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Board Member |
I'm 20 years old and I have a seven month son named Tyler. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we were living together for about a year and a half. I recently moved back home with my parents and my son due to the fact of my boyfriends attitude and his verbal abuse was getting out of hand. The problem is I still love him very much and cant seem to be away from him. We recently had a very serious talk and he promised to change little by little and he has shown improvement.He wants me to move back in with him, but my parents dislike him very much that words cant even describe. I want to move back with him but I dont know how to break it to my parents. Please help, any advice would be extremly helpful.
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On the Board |
hi! I dated a guy my parents hated and moved out with him (he is my ex and baby's dad)I think that if he still needs improvement with his attitude you should wait a little longer before moving back in with him. You can't make this discission based on your feelings, but how it is going to affect your son. What if your boyfriend starts verbally abusing again how is that good for your son? I say wait till he has changed more and then just tell your parents this is your choice and thank you for loving me and being concerned about me but this is something I haveand need to do for my son and myself. If you don't mind my asking, what is it they do not like about him?
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Board Member |
schlmom; Thank you so much for your advice and reply, it helped alot. My parents dislike him due to his imature mother who behaves like a teenager and also because of him verbally abusing me. When I was living with my boyfriend, his mother caused so much misery for me. There was this one time were my boyfriend, his mother, his little sister, his cousion and myself where driving to his mothers house to drop her off after eating lunch out. My boyfriend's mother all of a sudden for no reason started yelling at him and it turned into a huge fight. She started hitting him WHILE we were driving and she kept on yelling. He pulled over to let her out of the car that way she can walk home due to her furious attitude. When she got out of the car she started pushing him. Then she started screaming at me for no apparent reason, she told me all this horrific comments. Ever since that incident, I've always been self concsious about her. She gossips about me costantly and humilates me all the time. Do you want to hear somthing funny? Everytime I confront my boyfriend about her behavior towards me he always tells me that shes not doing anything. That its me and I need to be more friendly. He always takes her side and it drives me nuts! Shes a different person now, because she recently started going to church. But, we'll see! Well, thats the reason why my parents don't like him too much! Not too fun huh?  |
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"Mod Member on Board" Parent on Board |
Michelle,
are you sure we don't have the same ex's mom here. My ex's mother was the exact same way. I could go into details of how nasty and immature that women could be. I strongly suggest you really think long and hard about going back with your ex. One because if he grew up with a mother like that and has been verbally abusive to you things more than likely won't change. I thought the same thing about my ex and his mom so I stayed for 8 miserable months and eventually realized I didn't want my child living with people like this. If he takes her side he more than likely will take her side after the child is born. My ex pretty much told me after me constantly confronting him about his mom that his mom and sisters would always come first to him. YOu really need to look at him and his family and think long and hard if you want your child to grow up around this and think this way of acting is ok. If you need to vent or want to talk please feel free to contact me. Shannon |
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On the Board |
hi Michelle,
I would take chicagomom1's advice. You do need to be cautious of your boyfriend siding with his mom now, because most likely he will side with his mom. Though I will say that it takes more than going to church to change someone. She needs to make a total commitment. Only time will tell if she truly changed. But going to church can change a person, I have seen it myself. If you ever need to talk to anyone I'm hear for you. You can always PM me I am the same age as you and my son is 7 months also. Just give your situation time.The way I try to look at situations is that if it is meant to be then it will happen. Good Luck! |
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On the Board |
I was in a similar situation like that with my son's father. I am just here to let you know that most of the time your parets are right. It took me a long time to come to grips with that one, but they have been through a lot and know what is best most of the time. They may be wrong this time though. I think this is a situation where you are going to have to follow your heart. I would hate for you to go back to living with him and go through the same verbal abuse. Do you want that around your baby? I suggest trying to get a place of your own, not with your parents or your boyfriend. Still date him, but take things slow and test him out a little. Good luck.
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Board Member |
Hey everybody; I just wanted to thank all of you for your wonderful advice. Unfortunly My boyfriend Joey is still very much verbally abusive and he doesn't want to realize his problem. He continues to blame me, says everything is my fault and he says he doesn't do anything wrong. I'm so confused because I love him so much and like I said I can't seem to be without him. I've tried ignoring him but that annoying depressing feeling always comes along. I can't seem to handle it. My parents already made it clear that if I was ever to move back in with him that they wouldn't talk to me anymore, and my parents do mean what they say. I recently got diognosed with Anxiety/Panic disorder due to all the stress and depression Joey placed me under. The panic attacks have me scared and honestly its hard to determine what I want. I'm just really depressed and sad. I just need friendly advice or a prayer. Thanks everyone! |
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"SEEKING: 25th hour & 8th day" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Ladies,
Listen to someone that has been there and done that. I gave this man 11 years. The first year and a half I could see it in him dealing with his family. However it was never directed toward me. I was actually proud of him for being able to break the cycle. WHOA was I wrong. That cycle came back full circle but it had a new twist .... emotional abuse and manipulation. This man had me so screwed up I spent the next 10 years on anti-depressants, Migraine medications, and anti-anxiety drugs (that counteracted the anti-depressants). My family saw it all along but knew until it was my decision I would not get out. I am happy to say ... no more drugs except allergy meds. The day I filed for divorce (6 March 2002) was the day of my last migraine. Two months later I was completely off all other medications and have had no turning back. Keep away from these guys. Be carefull with your kids. When they can't get to you anymore they will go after the kids to get to you. My ex now has no overnight visitation because of his behavior but that is a long road I am still traveling with my daughter. Be Careful and good luck. Carla |
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Board Member |
Hello CarlA Thank you so much for your advice, it made alot of sense and it helped me out. I'm curious, how did you control your anxiety attacks rather than using medicine. My doctor placed me under xanax and I'm seeing a therapist for my situation. The therapy is helping but I don't want to be dependant on xanax because it's too strong. I can honestly say that anxiety/panic attacks really ruin and affect your life. Before I met Joey I was a very healthy person emotionally and physically. I was in ballet and I made good grades in my college courses. After Joey came into my life, things started going down hill. The verbal abuse came into place and I statred getting really sick. I remember one time he repeatly kept on saying I was fat and ugly(I weighed 120 at 5'5.) I stopped eating and I killed myself to look perfect everyday. I lost alot of weight and my parents knew it was time to talk to me. At first when he told me all this I blew it off, but many times can really make you start thinking. I realized I was killing myself for a guy who doesn't care and played with my emotions. I guess you can really say he screwed me up really bad and I'm having a hard time getting it together. Your right about "staying away from these guys," because they will harm you a destroy your well being. Thanks and God Bless Michelle |
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"SEEKING: 25th hour & 8th day" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Hi Michelle,
Going at the anxiety attacks without medication is tough but doable. Talk to your therapist about what anxiety is(chemically in your brain)and some holistic approaches to controlling it. I still have a script for xanax. I take as little as possible and only if I can not control my attacks any other way. My script is lasting more than 1 year, rather than 1-2 months. It makes me depressed so I use it as little as possible. Those times are usually when my ex is stirring up crap in court. Mine tends to be situational not chemical. Yours sounds to be the same. Get back into your dance or some other form of exercise... it helps tremendously. Find something that is just for you, about 30 minutes a day. My attacks seem to come at night. My counselor told me to find 30 minutes before bed to do something just for me. Read, exercise, meditate... something. It really helped. She said the anxiety is coming at night because right before I sleep (REM) my subconcious thoughts that I have shoved back all day are coming to the forefront. Talk to your therapist... find sometime only for you. During that time allow what is in your subconcious to come to the front so you can deal with it emotionally. Scream in your pillow, laugh outloud, cry ... what ever works for you. Once you learn that you can let go and empower yourself to move forward those anxiety attacks will go away or at least lessen. One word.... xanax will dull bringing these thoughts to the front. It is an emotional bandaid and addictive. PLEASE!!! do not drink alcohol. My doctor tells me xanax is hard on your liver and combined with alcohol is very dangerous. Be careful, I almost lost a friend this way. Good luck! Carla |
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Board Member |
Hello CarlaA One again thank you for your reply but, I forgot to mention one thing in my last reply. I've been having alot of throat problems, everytime I swallow it feels like I have a big lump of mucus stuck in my throat. It's not mucas though and I've been having problems swallowing as well. My neck also feels very heavy and stiff. I was wondering if those symptoms are caused by the anxiety attacks? One thing I do remember is that my doctor told me once the anxiety attacks worsten, the symptoms start becoming physical. I know it may seem dumb but its an uncomfortable feeling. I wanted to ask you since you have experience with anxiety attacks. I'm going to stop taking xanax because I decided I wanted to take care of my anxiety the natural way. So, I went to a store called "Natural Solutions," and I bought some natural products to help anxiety. I'm just curious about my throat situation. |
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"SEEKING: 25th hour & 8th day" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Michelle,
I would address the throat issue with your doctor. It does sound like it could be an anxiety symptom. Better safe than sorry. Try the natural remedy. What can it hurt? Find out side effects. There are breathing exercises as well. Your therapist can tell you about these. The symptoms of anxiety can very much turn into physical and very scary symptoms. As I stated before ... talk to your therapist about the cause and effect of anxiety. Understanding how it happens and what the chemical reaction is in your body will help you deal with the attacks much better. Half the battle of fixing something is knowing why it is happening. |
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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Teen Mothers Having problems with my sons father!
