hi i am really new to this and i am having a problem with my finance and my father.. my father and my finance hate each other and my finance doesnt want me to go down there but i really miss my father and my family what am i supposed to do?? then my finance trys to accuse me of cheatin on him when i do go down there like when do i have the time when i have a 16 month old running around saying mommy all the time.. please help!!
hi tasha hope you get my email

Hello SkylarJadesMommy-
It must really be tough being a teen mom and trying to jungle your child and a relationship. You have to ask yourself, why does my father and my fiance hate one another? Speaking from experience, can your father see qualities in your fiance that he doesn't like, that you are blind to because you love your fiance or will accept certain things about him that your father won't? Parents see things we won't allow ourselves to see. You might want to think about that. Whether we want to admit it or not our parents are wise in the way of the world and relationships because they have been there.
Next, if your fiance is worried about you fooling around on him during your visit then he is immature. (Provided you have never given him a reason to doubt your faithfulness) And sometimes those that accuse are guilty themselves. Sounds gross, but when someone passes gas (farts) who usually the first one to bring up the smell? The one that did it. Maybe your fiance has something himself to be guilty about. Just food for thought.
If your fiance is trying to keep you away from your family he has a control issue as well. You might want to think carefully about if you let him control you in an issue about your family, what else will he set limits for you?
Your family is your family. Whether they are the most wonderful family in the world or the most dysfunctional, they are yours and yours for life. This young man may be in your life forever or not. But don't cut your ties with your family because of him.

Bridgit

I, too, wonder why they don't get along. Can you not sit them both down, individually, and ask them to be cordial to each other for YOUR sake..that you love them both and want to be with them both? As Bridgit said, if you've given your man no reason to suspect you of being unfaithful, then, he needs to get a grip and not accuse you until you do. Yes, that is hard to do, especially if you've ever been cheated on but you can't punish your partner for others' mistakes. Also, honey, if you're having these problems with your fiance BEFORE you get married....is getting married going to make things better?....or worse?

yeah, i got your e-mail! sent you one back,too. i agree w/ bridgit. seems like he's controlling. good luck!
tasha

Most people that i have experienced with the same controling husband, fiance, or boyfriend end up in the same boat. They have to lose contact with their friends and family, because the man was too controling. Eventually, the woman couldnt take it any long and finally left. OR they had a hard time leaving after such a long time because insecurities to themselves or the guy wouldn't allow it <physically stoping her>.
IT will get worse. Unfortantly you can change a guy.
I agree with everyone what they say. But its your decision. You can't make your father like him and visa versa.
Good luck! in what ever happens!

He is trying to control you - if he respected you then he would not try to come between you and your family, next it will be him choosing your friends and where you can work. Ask yourself do you love your dad and family, do they love you, if the answer is yes then firmly tell your boyfriend to leave off about your visits, you are going and that is it, you don't need to think of his feelings as your relationship with your family is nothing to do with him unless he wants to be part of it - his pride is hurt as he wants to use his control over you to get one up on your fatherwho he obviously does not like- your father and your boyfriend are being childish, it is up to them to mend their relationship and at least tolerate each other as a show of respect to you and the baby son/ grandchild. Do not let yourself be manipulated, your boyfriend is being immature with his 'I don't like your dad so if you love me stay away from him'this is your dad for gods sake, tell him to grow up and ask you dad to respect your decision to be with your boyfriend and leave off about him. If you give in to you Bf then he will go on to control you even more - its the old give an inch and they will take a mile - try and remember you don't have to give into him to show that you love him and want to make his life easier - its a good lesson to learn being a mother - you don't give in to your child just because you don't want your child to be upset at not getting his own way, you would help (the child) him deal with how he feels - do this for your bf don't give into him but help him deal with how that makes him feel.
Don't bend to accomodate your bf to much or you might bend yourself beyond recognition, in whichcase you will end up a single parent and have to work hard at bending yourself back again. Good luck and be happy.

Thank All of you guys I went down to my dads and spent time with my family and i told my bf that if he wanted to control somebody it wasnt going to be me so he better go find him somebody else because that isnt healty for our daughter either.. he got mad but then got over it and my dad doesnt like the ideal but i told him that he needed to respect who i was with no matter if he like him or not so as of know i am having something to do with my dad but while i am down there he says that he doesnt want my bf to call or anything but what are cell phones for right?? you guys are the greatest friends anybody could ask for..

Good girl, stand your ground - Most of us who have been there and ended up giving in and bending until eventually we ended up completely controlled (without even knowing it)end up leaving the partner our of exhaustion and then a well meaning friend (if we have any left)will ask how did someone as confident and strongwilled end up being bullied and controlled and our answer is always the same ' I did not know it was happining until it was to late' I am sure there are othe women who can identify with this and have come through it - I would like woment to note how it starts,SJmommy is now aware of what is happening and is standing up for herself and guess what he has not left or continued with the bullying - SJmommy will probably have more chance of maintaining a successful relationship as long as she continues to stop bf from having to much power over her decisions. I for one did not do that in one of my relationships (mainly due to ignorance that guys like to control)and before I knew what had happened I found I was living my life in such a way as not to upset him - did it work.NO! because the more I did the worst he got. Remember no-one can control another person unless they are allowed to. There are many women on this site who have gone through this schene and enable their men to Control, bully, drink, violence, drugs and be financially mean - we enable them because even though they do it we talk to and take them back. i wish there was a magic pill that I could give women that gave them the power to stop being so nice and accommodating, this is not the 50's - men (and women) are meaner now aday and we need to watch for the warning signs and learn to say 'enough' before its to late. I hope SJmommy will keep us informed and let other women know after a few visits to her dads, that everything got better and that she was able to have her life as she wants and the guy she loves was unable to manipulate her.

First you have to remember that Blood is thicker than water. No matter how much you think you love him don't ever push your family away because of him. Because he can come and go but your family will always be there. I made that mistake. I thought he would be there for me but he wasn't when I needed him the most and the person who I least expected to come though for me was my mom. And I thought she would hate me. And she has been there for me since she found out I was pregnant and now four months after. She's been great. Don't lose touch with your family. You'll regret it later.
simone