I am 16 years old and 7 months pregnant, my baby is due in August. The father is a complete jerk most of the time, then he gives me these guilt trips on how he is so scared and wants to be there and be with me. Yet, when I talk to him on the phone or something, he is talking about how hott another girl is or whistling at a girl driving by. He changes, he cant keep his story straight. I cant handle him anymore and I dont want him to be totally out of my life, cause I dont think that is fair to our child if he wants to be there. But, he can't even stay all the time. I need some major advice, should I just let him keep contact with our child and let the child decide if they want him in their life, or totally ban him and get rid of him now that way he cant make more pain and problems. I just don't know what to do, I am so scared, and it is hard being 16. Especially when parents wont help you, and you just have to do things on your own.....

Hi,
I am sorry for your situation. You are so young. This all must feel like a nightmare to you. Your bf is immature, at just 16 he probably isn't going to change. Statistics show young boys/men generally either leave right away or shortly thereafter. My guess is that he is whistling and calling other girls hot so that you will get mad, and break it off so he won't have to. Because he is so immature he doesn't realize how you feel. When he says he is scared, tell him so are you...and it's not like you can just walk away. I do have a few more questions...

What do his parents say? Is anyone helping you? Financially or any way at all?? Did you say your parents aren't going to help you? Have you considered adoption? These are much bigger problems for you right now than whether or not your bf is going to stay in the picture. I am glad that you are graduating but you also need to take care of yourself. Please write more, maybe someone here has some better advice.

My situation was pretty close. So I will tell you what I did. I told my sons dad that I and him were over, that he was causing me stress which was not good for me or the baby I was carrying. I told him that I was willing to be friends and let him decide wheather he wanted to be a part of the babies life, but that he was not going to come and go in and out of the babies life. It took him awhile but he decided he wanted to be a part of our sons life (although he doesn't want to pay child support or work). I set my personal feelings aside when my son is around and pretent to like him. My son will be 5 next month, and over time his dad has grown up(alittle) his dad now takes him everyother weekend. My son thinks we get along and are friends. After my son was born, he use to just visit but as my son got older his dad started watching him for short periods and taking him to visit his grandparents. Over time we have come to where we are. The main thing is focus on YOU and this BABY and what is right for you.

quote:

Originally posted by THINKER:
[qb]Hi,
I am sorry for your situation. You are so young. This all must feel like a nightmare to you. Your bf is immature, at just 16 he probably isn't going to change. Statistics show young boys/men generally either leave right away or shortly thereafter. My guess is that he is whistling and calling other girls hot so that you will get mad, and break it off so he won't have to. Because he is so immature he doesn't realize how you feel. When he says he is scared, tell him so are you...and it's not like you can just walk away. I do have a few more questions...

What do his parents say? Is anyone helping you? Financially or any way at all?? Did you say your parents aren't going to help you? Have you considered adoption? These are much bigger problems for you right now than whether or not your bf is going to stay in the picture. I am glad that you are graduating but you also need to take care of yourself. Please write more, maybe someone here has some better advice.[/qb]

His dad told him that he doesn't need to mess with girls and that he should stay away from me and make sure to get a DNA test, well I know it is his, he is the only guy I was ever with. My parents, well, lets just say as soon as i have the baby, Im out of the house, they are only letting me stay here for now since this is a small town and they dont want people to look down on them for putting me out, but they plan on it and saying that I 'moved out' after the baby is born. Well, I am going to make him pay child support, and if he doesn't, I guess he will just have to go to jail for it because I dont think he should get the right way out. And right now I am working two jobs for summer, trying to save up money for when I have the baby so I can get somewhere. I will have a place to live with a friend, but I'll pay rent and daycare isnt cheap, nothing is. I thought about adoption at first, but after having her inside me so far and thinking about how precious she is and how much I already love her, I am going to try my hardest and do anything I can to keep me from giving up my baby unless things get so bad to where I think she deserves a lot more. Thanks for talking to me .

You sound strong, you can do this I also worked 2 jobs and went to high school when I was pregnant. I put as much money in the bank as possible for when the baby was born. I have a hotmail account if you want e-mail me evestar*hotmail.*** . You can do this.

As far as daycare does you should contact who ever has state aide like food stamps and stuff and they can assit you in getting subsized daycare. I have it and I pay $22.50 full time for a 10 week old and 22 month old. I know how your feel and the father he will never change I thought the same that how I ended with baby number 2. mine was 20 and i was 18 with my first and even at 23 he still hasnt changed. luckly for me i found a really good just but i use to work a full time 9 to 5 and then work 10p to 7a at a resturant to make ends met but it will get easier dont let everything stress you out because its not good for the baby and you want a nice healthy baby. If you want to talk you can email me at mommy31182 at aol . ***

Rachel

Well, I am going to go on WIC and get all the day care sorted out, I wasn't really sure what I was going to do at first. I give you a lot of credit, and all the other teen moms who have done this and put up with the same things I am going through, glad to say I am not alone. I hate how *MOST* not always, of the time, the dads just walk out, it's usually easier for them to walk away. One of these days, maybe things will be different, I wish he would be though, I just wish he would be more than he is. But, some things never change, especially men. Thanks girl...I needed that.

quote:

Originally posted by Rachel W:
[qb]As far as daycare does you should contact who ever has state aide like food stamps and stuff and they can assit you in getting subsized daycare. I have it and I pay $22.50 full time for a 10 week old and 22 month old. I know how your feel and the father he will never change I thought the same that how I ended with baby number 2. mine was 20 and i was 18 with my first and even at 23 he still hasnt changed. luckly for me i found a really good just but i use to work a full time 9 to 5 and then work 10p to 7a at a resturant to make ends met but it will get easier dont let everything stress you out because its not good for the baby and you want a nice healthy baby. If you want to talk you can email me at mommy31182 at aol . ***

Rachel[/qb]

Hey! I am seventeen years old with two children. My babies' father was a mess at first and I had some of the same problems. If you want to talk i am here.

If you've had the baby, condgradulations! And I have to say you are such a strong person, to be working two jobs and showing so much maturity at 16, i applaud you. I know at 16 I wouldn't of been able to do what you are doing. Just wanted to say Good Job ! ! !

Amy

oh and WIC does help out a lot, I'm on WIC and I get 9 cans of fomula a month, along with cheese, milk, eggs, cereal, and juice. Plus the WIC in my area gives free shots.

I understand how you feel Alicia. I was pregnant by a guy when I was 15 and we were not even together, he hung around my friends and sort of rubbed it in my face that he was still able to go out and have fun. I didnt want him to be around but I didnt believe it would be fair to my daughter. I let him off the hook by not keeping contact with him, but I soon realized that, even though I do not like him and wish him away, he still needs to help with my daughter, So I court ordered him to pay child support. If your baby's father cannot grow up and step up himself, make the courts do it for him.