Hello everyone! I must admit I'm rather new here and this is my first thread...but here's my question.

Brief history: I'm 18, and 8 months along, as I stated. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We've decided on adoption for our son, and have been steadily working our way through the process.

For a couple weeks now though, I've been rethinking the idea of adoption. I feel a little selfish because of it...I want to be able to provide the best home to my little one, one that is prepared and has 2 parents readily available. The family we've chosen actually already has two sons too, so they've been through the process of raising kids.

But at the same time, I've recently realized that I have the resources and support system available to me if I chose to keep him. (I had denied myself that realization for a while, it's just a thing I do) And, even though I've just graduated, I have no plans to go to college immediately.

Here's where I'm hung up - My boyfriend will be attending school in October, 2 hours away. Breaks there tend to be few and far between. I also can't say for certain if he will hang around forever, even if he claims it. I myself have been dying to get out of the house ASAP...since I was in grade school (it's not a bad environment, I just long for independence) and I wouldn't be able to leave for some time if I chose to keep him. Not to mention I've needed a kind of 'break' in life for a long time, a chance to kind of live...I can't say it's really been a bowl of cherries X_x; (this too makes me feel selfish) And of course I question my abilities to raise a child when they've always made me a little nervous.

I'd feel bad if I kept the child instead of letting the adoptive family take him, since they've been so excited. But I also know I owe them nothing. My take on it is that they wanted to adopt anyway, so it's not like their legal papers were in vain.

In a nutshell, I've been a little confused as to what my heart really wants to do here and would appreciate any comments/questions/opinions/stories/ect. I guess I just need to hear what others have to say, instead of people around here that are a little biased.

Thanks for reading ^-^

Welcome to the forum Ryanna. I have no clue at the moment what to say about your situation. What does your bf say about this?

to Don: My boyfriend doesn't say much about any of this matter...he's all for the adoption because he says it's the best chance the baby has, though I can't say if that's because he means it or if he's trying to evade responsibility.

and to BASICALLYAMY: Just to throw it out there, he really can't "make" me do anything...I love him but he can't convince me to make a decision I'm not comfortable with. And the adoption we have in line would be open, and I could be involved. It's just one of those things where I'm not sure if I could handle it.

Here are some things to ask yourself about, if you haven't already:

What are the reasons you want to give the baby up?
Are those reasons valid for what you are to do? (for example, to me finances aren't a good reason because there are always resources to help you out and no one is every financially ready)

Do you have future educational plans for yourself? Will the baby hinder this? Will you still be able to follow through?
(I believe it IS possible to still go to college after having a child but it's when mother's give excuses after having the baby not to go that bothers me and it turn DOES affect the baby and their future)

One thing that I feel strongly with is, if you have signed something to give the child up for adoption, I feel that you should follow through on it. I understand you don't owe anyone anything BUT put yourself in their shoes...they probably have the room all decorated, plans made, etc. To me, I feel it would just be like losing a child but that's just my opinion.

I can't imagine what you are going through but I know there is no easy answer. It has to come from within you not an answer from someone else. All we can do is make you think about things that you may not have considered to help you make your own choice.

Good luck!

I wasn't ready for my 1st at 24 yrs of age, then I had the other 2 and wonder just what the He*l I am doing most days. I was never supposed to be a single mom. My kids were to be the oddballs and have 2 parents that loved each other under the same roof, had jobs and money to pay the bills and spoil them rotten with things they don't need. Now here I am almost 15 years later, unemployed, living in public housing with 3 boys I honestly can't afford. Do you know how much braces cost? Much less diapers...OMG!!! Think, think, THINK it ALL through before you make the worst decision of your life and regret it till the day you die. Whatever you chose to do, it has got to be YOUR decision and yours alone, be sure and go with what your heart tells you. Children truly are a gift from God whether you raise them or give that gift to someone else. Good luck to you!!

This is a hard one.
It's not clear to me if you decided to give your baby up for adoption because it was better for him or for you?
even if you need a brake from things, and can tell you from experience than having a child in your life will fill you heart and soul in so many ways its unbelievable.
When you talk about support systems are you referring to your own parents? What are they saying about becoming grandparents, I'm sure it wasn't anybody's dream situation given your age and all, I can also tell you that you are going to miss out on a lot of things.
I wouldn't worry about other kids making you nervous because there are a lot of things that I can't stand on other kids and I totally tolerate on mine.
I wouldn't worry about the adoptive parents feeling, especially if they have other children.
As a final thought I'd tell you that regretting the adoption in the future would be something hard to forget.

I am new as well, but I know exactly what you are going through. I was 18 when I got prego, turned 19 the month after my son was born. He's almost 4 months, now. I considered adoption a lot, but my ex fiance didn't want me to do it, and neither did my mom. Now, my son is here and I LOVE him SOO much, but it's very hard. I had to move back into my house, and although I have a new boyfriend now and want to move eventually, I'm stuck. I've considered letting K's father have custody of him while I go to school, because he's more financially able to care for him, but it's a very tough decision and not one I would have had to make if I had chosen adoption. I do NOT regret my decision to keep K, but I do think back to what could have/would have been on occasion. (Okay, often). I'm sure your feelings are NORMAL. But, you need to think...Is this the best choice for your baby? Is this the best choice for you? What does your boyfriend think about the entire ordeal? Where do you see yourself in five years, in 10 years? Answer those questions for yourself and then ask what choice is best again. Also...do you think you can handle seeing the little person you gave birth to cry and blink and move, and then hand him off to the adopttion agency? I am NOT saying this is wrong of you to do, adoption is a very selfless act. But, can you DO it?

Hi, I did not read all the replies to your original statement but I wanted to share my experience. I am 20 years old and I have a 14 month old beautiful baby girl. I was 18 when I got pregnant and i too seriously considered adoption. My situation is a little different because her father and I broke up when I was about 4 months along. He signed over his rights and I picked out the family, a young couple who had no children. We met a few times and wrote often to each other via email. I decided I wanted an open adoption because I could not live knowing nothing about the child I carried for 9 months. When she was born, the couple came to the hosptial and spent the night with her. The next day, my daughters father called and threatened to sue for his rights back because he was under emotional distress when he signed them over. Even though nothing bad would have happened if I went along with everything as planned, I used this event as an excuse to not have to make the hardest decision of my life.
As I look back over the past year, I wish I would have known what I do now. Of course I love my daughter and I would do anything for her, but this life that I have to offer her is not everything that she deserves. Everyone has a different opinion on this but I will tell you PLACING YOUR BABY FOR ADOPTION IS NOT SELFISH in fact it is one of the most unselfish things you can do. I don't regret my daughter, but my life is a lot harder and her life is going to be a lot harder than it needed to be.
I'm not saying that you and your boyfriend will not work out, but the probability of it is that ya'll wont. Then you have to worry about custody, child support and whether he will be there at all, new girlfriends for him new boyfriends for you. Daycare is expensive...working is hard if you have to pay for a babysitter. (daycare for me is over 800 a month) If you want to go to school it is possible but hard.
You may come to a different conclusion, but from my experience, if i did it over again, i think my daughter would be better off with the couple. And there is nothing worse than feeling like you took away the best thing that could have happened to your child.