Hi Everyone - I have a good friend who is a single dad that has recently gone through a divorce and he has two teens, one a freshman and one a senior he is the sole caregiver. These kids are voicing their resentment to the only person that stayed, him. (Mom shows up to take the kids out to eat, shop, etc., but won't tell them where she lives.) In addition to the normal teenage angst they are resentful of him. He is stressed and burnt out. He is keeping everyone at arms length. Any suggestions as to how to help without intruding? He is a very private person.

How about if you just try to talk about kids and people in general? During conversation comments like how much kids appreciate honesty and openess. I am not sure. I just know sometimes I have been able to sneak comments into conversation to try and make my point with saying it directly.
Good luck.

I'm sure that everyone is going through a grieving process. They are hurt, frightened, angre and confused. The kids will try to assess blame-often wrongly concluding that they are at fault. As far as your friend goes...I'd just be there for him. If he's that private then keeps things short and specific. Just let him know that you're there if he needs to talk.

Poor guy! I understand his issues. I have a pre-teen so could just imagine. Anyway, my parents too divorced when I was older and I felt like my world came to an end. You are going through so many emotions at this age and trying to deal with that on top of blaming and not understanding but trying hard too. The main thing is that you want to be treated with the understanding you are not a child. At the same time you want to cry like one and be one. Remember, when you are a teen every issue seems bigger then what it really is. Also, your identity is a biggy as well. It all depends on what happened when the big D went down. Just talk to them as though you would your close, dear friend, but with caution. If they are included in your heart-ache then it is good. Remember they are going through it just as well. It can bring the family closer together rather than apart. They feel just as lost and confused about it all as well. Sometimes even lonely. It is as though someone that was a huge influence has died or given up on them. So, help them just as though they have lost them bc they have lost that stability in their life. Even if the situation seemed unstable it was still some sort of stability to a child. Just listen even when they are acting out. They are still trying to tell you how they feel, but in a different way. It takes a lot of talking, listening and understanding. Another party may help to intervene as well, or an activity that brings the new family unit together once a week. The school counselor is always a way to go. Talk to them and have them speak with the teens. Eventually, it will get better, but the listening and letting them be part of your grief as well will help. I did not have that, but it would have been so much easier if my parents understood that I was there too. It is not just you and your ex spouse that feel the way you do. As for the mother acting the way she does. The teens can say no to going with her. They have that right and the teens will see the parent that makes them feel secure. He is a good dad for taking care of them. They are lucky to have one another. I too understand it is hard for men to be as vocal. So, maybe they can start by writing it to one another or sit and talk it out slowly over time. A journal for the teens just for this experience can help. Not a regular journal one for the divorce experience only. I wish the family great luck in life and love. It will get better if they go through it as a family not apart. Then, they will just feel left out, alone and act out. This could result in them wanting to leave without his knowledge and turn to bad friends and boys. They need their dad just as much as he needs them. Take care! Angela

The grand essentials of life are something to do, someone to love and something to hope for.^Joseph Addison