ok, clueless... hoping maybe suffering genius or something?

She's been touchy lately, I'd like to say crying at the drop of a hat but crying just wouldn't cut it.

Tonight at dinner, I asked her a few times to please sit in teh chair, she and Delia got a short lecture on how Olivia has always been able to just sit and they are spinning and teetering and even when they feel themselves almost falling they do not stop. etc. etc. etc.

So right before bed they are at the table drinking some milk. Maia starts in one something "Wait Mommy, let me do this hand and you guess..... all the while she's kneeling, holding her hands behind her back, swinging her head from side to side. RIGHT when I was about to say slow down bam, milk everywhere!!!!! Yes, I got angry. My feeling is an accident is an accident but if you've been told the rules and the appropriate ways many times (over 5 + years) in the past hour that when you spill because you were not following the house rules it is no longer an innocent accident... BAM Delia's milk goes ... she's playing with a stupid glow necklace...... that gets tossed in the trash (along with the other 2 which were not at the table.) Again, rule is no toys at the table so no longer an accident. Anyway, we survive the milk thing although Maia did cry, sob scream and *complain* about my "speaking to her" about it.

Upstairs, brush teeth, toilet, etc. What happened? omg I can't remember now? Something triggered the freakout... oh, who knows what. Anyway, I'm just walking away because at this point I'm ready to scream and I know that doesn't help her get calm by any means. She escalates and escalates. ALL OVER Delia because she didn't flush and left the bathroom without washing hands. Then I told her very nicely, "Honey, Delia has one Mommy talking to her please concentrate on wiping and I'll be the Mommy."

omg THATS MEAN YOU ARE NOT NICE I AM TRYING TO HELP MY SISTER WIPE HER HANDS I DONT WANT HER GERMS etc. etc. etc. etc. ends in sobbing and screaming by her.....

Into her room... she isn't going to get pj's so I just gently remove clothing while she continues on and on about something or other.... ask if she wants a nightgown, she goes on and on about something or other, I place it over her head, she goes on and on. I then say, "Hand me your glasses honey I'll put them on the nightstand for you."

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She says/barks/whatever:

WHAT?! YOU THINK I NEED TRAINING OR SOMETHING LIKE DELIA NEEDS POTTY TRAINING FOR GETTING PEE AND POOP IN HER PANTS ALL THE TIME? WHAT?@!?!? YOU THINK I NEED SIT AT THE TABLE TRAINING OR PUTTING A PAPER CUP IN THE TRASH TRAINING? WHAT YOU THINK I AM A BABY I AM 5 AND YOU THINK I NEED TRAINING! SO YOU THINK I NEED PUT YOUR GLASSESS ON THE SHELF TRAINING NOW

I DO NOT NEED ANY TRAINING YOU NEED SOME NICE TRAINING (it went on and on and on and on and on)

Then the you hate me. I say, "No Maia we all love you very much but we don't like being near you when you are like this." Well she was *complaining* too loud about how we DO hate her because she heard about 3 of those words... I ended up picking her and her blanky up and taking her downstairs to my room telling the other two to stay and I'd be right back up. (they ended up downstairs interrupting us. anyway it wasn't pretty, basically mommy sobbing hysterically telling her how much i love her and how it has been her yelling since sunday night and even last week and the week before. And again how much I love her and what is making her so angry. is she angry at me, is she angry at daddy... she had no answers, just I don't know's.... I told her maybe we could talk more when she isn't so tired and i'm not so sad)

Pick your jaw up and help me please! She was 5yrs old this summer. She has always had an extremely strong personality with no gray area, black or white in every aspect... enegry level, mood, etc.

Wow, that's definitely a strong minded girl. If this isn't just a short phase, maybe some counseling may help. I can't help but think hypersensitive/hyperactive if it's becoming a norm.

Sorry sue, but I am going to have to lauf. At 14 and 17, mine still do everything you mentioned. Well, maybe not all, but it sure makes me wonder when these two will get a grip, and grow up, oui. The one I hate is when they spill something and sit there and look at it, I am "crap, get a towel", oh then there is the "slam ever door, and cabinate". Oh, and fight, the 14 year old trying to mom the 17, I should be laufing at may self, but oui, the noise. Life is good

My son can be very high maintnance. I just ignore him or send him to his room. He may come down or I will talk to him when he is ready to calm down. If he doesn't calm down quickly, I start taking things away. Things like a soccer game. He is also 5.

OH and then oh and then.... Delia followed us down, Olivia followed Delia...

Delia had to tell me something, now THAT I was pissed at. They don't get it, I mean wait until we get back. You would think with one screaming and one crying Delia could grasp the concept of not now, wait a moment for your little story

Oh, and what Delia needed was to tell me she never got her pj's on and her legs were cold and she didn't have socks. CAME ALL THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS TO DO THAT!


aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

Maia is an angel in school, lots of questions for the teachers but just fine otherwise. She bounces her way through happiness... she moves until she falls to sleep and then BAM. She has been really passing out almost before I get downstairs lately so although I'm grasping hoping maybe the time change, a growth spurt, and some schoolwork exhaustion are to blame? I can look at her and know if she's about to ask a question, it is like you can see her mind moving and her mouth trying to catch up. Like her mouth getting on a moving bus. I swear these past few mornings and nights it is as if her mouth gets way ahead finally and doesn't dare stop.

Sue,
I only have one child but, she was/is raised with my neice being around constantly. Both of them are "strong minded young ladies" and have been since day one. And can we talk about total and complete opposites.

It was not at all uncommon for something like that to come out of their mouths (usually at the same time). First, "You need to calm yourself down and talk with me rather than yelling at me or blubbering the words out", Second, "You need to use a respectful tone of voice when you are speaking with me and I will do the same for you" Three, "Even though this household is a democratic society and you get a vote (my new words with them),I am still the MOM/President. My word is the final word"

These words started young and they are still occasionally recited. Occasionally is the operative word. I found that when they get to the hysterical crying stage, hug them close, leave them to cry and calm down and then lower your voice to almost a whisper. They have to listen closer when you speak softly and that also keeps the other girls out of your conversation.

well now, an old sage once said, ahrm, "they can't get you goat less they know where its tied up", I havent found a kid yet who won't push a button, specially a parents button. Step outside, hold the door so not one gets close and take a few deep breaths, then walk in like nothing has happend, at peace. It used to make my kids wonder.

Even though this household is a democratic society and you get a vote (my new words with them),I am still the MOM/President. My word is the final word. I may add that now at a younger level.

I do say that all the time. I've tried whispering over and over. There is a huge issue here with noise and seriously, the do not hear me. I have taken things, shut things off after warning with whispers even and they are shocked, but move on in a moments time.

There's a lack of caring I think. Delia should not be interrupting when something like that is going on. I could understand if she was crying and scared, but no, she was just plain old worried about mommy getting her socks (which I wouldn't and didn't, I told her to try her sock drawer).

I'm working so hard on getting them to respect one another (including myself obviously)... but it is like they save every drop of anything that isn't "angel" for me. And they do show caring and loving sometimes, I catch it when they don't know I'm looking or I hear them upstairs in the morning. This morning Olivia lost a tooth and they were so cute asking if it hurt and if she was o.k. or if she wanted them to come and get Mommy.

I kind of remember Olivia going through an extra terrible stage around this time. Like a cognitive learning burst time, she would not handle life well during those. Could be I suppose? I'm grasping, I know. I just know she's very very smart and I know she's sensitive... more so than her sisters, and I know she's usually just a happy (although bouncy kid). She's also had that bounding voice since she was an infant. She was the one who would SCREAM at diaper changes and it was my little challenge to see if I could get her out of the sinkbath and dressed up warm before the screaming would startLOL

I feel badly for her, she gets herself so frustrated and she can sometimes speak those feelings, but she also ends up in tears and then saying she's SO ANGRY and SO IGNOYORED (annoyed) She gets annoyed at herself because she gets those two words mixed up: annoyed and ignored and sometimes frusterated. The other day I gave her the grown up explanation and it seemed to work. When you get frustrated sometimes your behavior is annoying and so we try to ignore youLOL she was like "Oh, so I'm frustERated and Annoyed right now." Olivia chimed in to say, "And obnoxious." GOTTA LOVE THEM!

Yeah, I do that Paul.... she's just got a strength to her that I don't think I'm able to explain (emotional AND physical)

Funny enough, I find her outbursts easier to deal with than when Olivia gets in a mood... now she and I butt heads and we have forever... I just try and be aware of it.

I want to find a way to help Maia stay calm and work it out and slow down the brain and the body because I know she is strugglign with it herself.

I don't know (and I'm kind of talking this out to myself too I hope I don't sound like i'm not listening to people's advice) anyway I don't know that it is so much a behavior that needs changing than a personality trait that needs some coping mechanisms maybe?

Yes, the chair sitting needs to be learnedLOL (both 5yr olds). But what happened tonight is something inside her that even she can't control... orshe can but only in moderation. All or nothing with her and she gives it all in school and has nothing left outside of school. I'd rather her act out a bit at school if it helps her survive the full 24 hour period.

I know I'm coming in a little late here Sue. First of all - I am so sorry that you're having to go through this tonight. I know all too well the pain that you must be feeling after seeing your daughter in a complete emotional meltdown. What I gather is it's not just a tantrum. It's a complete emotional breakdown where she doesn't seem able to control her emotions.?

My son turned 5 end of June. He's always had a personality that if he doesn't get his way, he's in complete meltdown. Not a tantrum but he gets so frustrated that he can't control his emotions. Sometimes this happens more than others. Today it was because I wouldn't go to the candy store. Other days it's out of nowhere, he starts saying I'm mean, bad mommy, never play with him. Crying all the while.

I haven't figured out a solution yet. I wish I had and I'd pass it on. Taking things away doesn't work, time out's don't work. I have started to walk away from him and wait for him to come to me to be held. When he's really upset, I remind him to breath. Every two seconds "deep breath" "deep breath." I'm trying to teach him 'calming' lessons.

Our kids may just be over-sensitive, demanding personalities. My new plan is to continue to teach him self calming techniques (although I'm not the expert.) After working on this for awhile, I may need to move on to other resources.

Anyway - my heart goes out to you and your girls. Single parenting is so difficult. Sue - you are a wonderful person and mommy. You will all pull through this. It may take awhile but at some point, you'll be looking back thinking Wow - she has come so far.

Oh I can't wait til that point, well for that feeling anyway!

Yes you are right, it is much different from a tantrum and never over just wanting something. Delia does that well enough for both of themLOL Maia's is more an internal struggle that she dumps on me or one of her sisters because she can't manage it herself or something.

The funny thing is she is the first (and usually only) of the three to give up something she wants or something of her own to make one of her sisters happy or to stop making noise -- really helps my battle against whining and such.

I think she has a solid plan in her head of how every moment is to go and when it doesn't happen it is like the whole world crashes down on her.

I explained my son's personality to my Sociology teacher last week (a psychiatrist.) He asked about bi-polar, OCD, and anxiety issues in my son's family history....

These kiddies are so beautiful and it's so difficult to watch their internal struggles. (love the way you put it.)

I hope you feel better and everything gets better quickly.

lol, we used to have a saying around here, my brother, "well your bipolar", i would say "so are you, so what the hell" I lived 18 years with a Bipolar person, she even had be convinced I was Bi polar at one time. Now I am not sure what I am, But I am sure of one thing, we should put most Psy docs, and lawyers in the same pin.

I meant to add to that thread that my sociology teacher also said:

Remember your child is 5. He is acting like a 5 year old. There probably isn't anything wrong with him. But these could also be signs of a disorder.

5 years olds. Forget terrible 2's. Wow!

I have thought about OCD with my older one and now her... but my experience tells me most children show signs of these things because they are still in a place where they believe the world revolves around them and that they are the cause of everything...... Although my older daughter certainly has her challenges, I have seen those behaviors I worried about dissipate.....

Maia's for the moment are becoming stronger and stronger.

2yrs old was DREAM LAND! 3 was whine land, 4 was different.... but
5 WOW!