I have several issues going on at one time. My 2 teenage children were abducted by their dad in October (I was placed in a Domestic Violence Shelter because of fear of what my ex was going to do), I got my 14 year old daughter back after 2 weeks (my 16 year old son couldn't come because of where we were); my daughter was angry and still is because of things told to her by her dad and grandma for 2 weeks. The 4 kids and I just moved into our own apartment a couple of weeks ago. I need to back up and give ages of kids 16 year old boy (still with his dad), almost 15 year old girl (will be 15 on February 13), 5 year old boy (not in school yet because of his birthday), 3 year old girl/boy twins. The boy twin in very clingy and won't let me get out of his sight, he won't look at you when you talk to him, he looks down at the ground. The girl twin in overbearing to her brothers (the boy twin and the 5 year old). The 14 year old says she wants to be here with us, but takes her mood/attitude out on the rest of us. The 16 year old seems to be well adjusted (I see him every other weekend). I am in the middle of a custody battle with my ex (the father of all of my kids). I am trying to find a job. I am having problems with the 3 little ones in learning to walk in the apartment (we have downstairs neighbors). If you have any advice I would appreciate it. If you need clarification on any of my problems, let me know. Thanks.

Wow! I'm at a loss for words at the moment. I wish I had advice for you, but I've never been in your position and can't really offer anything. I just wanted to let you know to hang in there and that someone here may be able to help you. You've found a great place to share and get advice from wonderful people w/huge hearts.

I hope you find the answers to help you. Welcome to SFV. I hope you stick around here!

For the apartment, ask that they keep you on a list for when a downstairs becomes available. It's just hard period if you have a picky neighbor downstairs and kids upstairs.

Hopefully some of the stuff you mention will work out with time, after you get settled in being back together. You've only been in that apartment for 2 weeks and sometimes time and consistency is what it takes to get things settled down after what you've been through. See how it goes for a little while and possibly look into counseling for the kids/you if need be to help finish getting some of this dealt with. For example things like the 14 yr old's moods.....they are often moody no matter what at that age and then with what has been going on, it has probably heightened those feelings for her and similar effects on the other kids as well.
Definitely hang in there, and keep working on consistency in settling in to the new place with all of them and hopefully things will get settled down for you.

Thanks to both of you. I need support even if there isn't always advice. It's nice to know that others out there believe in me.

Hi fryehomemom,
Welcome to the sight, and glad to have you with us.
First thing that comes to my mind is one day at a time and one minute if you need it. Don has a good idea about the counselling. The 14 year old is going to be moody just because she is 14, but there probably are some other issues going on. Have you ever asked her what was said and how she felt about it? I know we always have a reaction to these things, but have you let her talk without giving a reaction? I have had foster kids in my home and it helps just to let them talk without fixing it for them or making judgement on anyone, and no reaction.
The same may go for the 16 year old boy. When he comes let him do the talking and you just listen. This is a good way to find out where he is really at.
As for the twin boy I would need more information, but have you ever had him tested? Not making eye contact is a real sign of a possible problem. Normally twin girls do better than the boys.
I will keep you in my prayers.

I tried to talk to my oldest girl while we were still in the DV shelter. All that came out was a bunch of lies told to her by her dad and grandma. I explained my side of it (we were with her counselor and my counselor at the time). As for my oldest son he tells me things in his own way. As for my boy twin, he has never been tested I wouldn't know where to start. What sort of other information would you need to advise me? Thank you for praying for us. I appreciate any thoughts you have on this.

All you can do is try to protect them from your anger. I know it is hard but you need to find a way to talk about your ex away from them. when kids hear parents talking about each other many times they will distrust both of them. Teenagers are hard any way you cut it. unfortunately you are in the middle of the worst time of their lives, alone and in a new environment. Do you go to counseling by yourself or just with your daughter? Does she, can she, go by herself? It may be good for her to talk about her issues without you around.

I can not remember the name in Mo. but I think it is called first steps. They will do testing until the child turns 3 then it goes over to the school system. It has been a long time since I lived there so please forgive me if my info. is no longer correct. You can go to your school and tell them you need your boy tested they should be able to lead you in the right direction. You have older kids and I am sure you have idea of if something does not seem right. If you get this feeling do it now. The longer you wait the longer it takes to correct.
If possible I would still try to stick to the no reaction it really works. It takes some practice on your part. I know you want to defend yourself but she will figure it out by talking or ask you if she needs to. Kids are really amazing at knowing the truth about things. When foster kids come to me it does not take them long to figure out that their home was not the best, but normally will never admit it. I don't push them, I just let them talk and see a better way of doing things by example. I help them with their home stuff as they need and ask for it. It works very well and they open up so much faster than if I say anything at the beginning. You will find the boy will do the same for you. Telling you in his own way is fine he probably does'nt know any other way, it is our job as parents to interpret it properly. I would be surprised if he ever said anything negative about his Dad. Most people feel shame when their family is not doing things "right" even though the shame is not theirs to own.