Hi everyone hope you are all well.My second oldest son spent the weekend here went into my computer and erased all my posts.Boy I cant begin to say how proud I am of him.He also stoled a dirt bike at his dads and they all think it is so funny they are tearing down the lost or stolen posters.The are hoping the a reward will be offered for the bikes return.He also stoled a bunch of my medication and his sisters medication.I just want to give up I feel like the biggest failure in thr world.What did I do so wrong.Well I hope you all had a better weekend then me.

Your not a bad mom. Look at it this way your son had a father he learned from too. So by the sounds of it seems as thou dad had a big influence in your son's life. It gets furating when you just can get your son to see that you are a good person and you need to treated with respect. I know my son was only 5yrs when I was w/a major jerk of a BF and I noticed that even thou I raise my son to have respect for me he was quickly losing it b/c this guy did not respect me. Thank god he is gone now for three years and I'm a happier person son even w/my current situation. I can understand how quickly kids pick up for anohter influence.

I hope things work out for you and if he does not smart up use tuff love. I mean don't hit him anything just give the disrespect back to him. Maybe he will see how you feel. Its a hard situation to win at.

GOOD LUCK

SPIRIT

Gail,
What can I say... I am so sorry to read this.
He is so out of control.
I can only imagine your heart break.
My heart and prayers go out to you. Protect yourself and the younger kids from his actions the best you can.

I think I need to just tell him to stay at his dads and not come see me till he decides to change his behavior.I would never hit my kids but I think the father should be fair game I can only hope one day big bad biker dad spills his bike with him on it and his only care from the wheelchair are his 2 older sons.I have the right to fantisize about this.Crash,Crash,Crash into a ditch just playin. :cupid:Boy did my frog turn out to be a FROG.ty guys

Oh Gail, just read your post. Man, how old is your second oldest? Why on earth would he want to delete all of your posts? I can almost understand the stealing of the dirt bike, well, I can't, but if a teenager is acting delinquent, that sounds like something an out of control, delinquent teenager does. But, doing something to hurt you personally, I do not understand. Nor would I tolerate it. And taking your daughter's meds, what would he want with those? Unless she's on some kind of painkiller, it doesn't make sense. I don't believe in hitting either, but I would have probably wanted to throw him across the room. I think your right not to let him come visit until he can show respect and behave. Your not a bad mother, Gail. He's probably picking up alot of bad habits, and getting the idea that there are no boundaries for him from his dad. He's going to have to learn the hard way some day, if his behavior doesn't change. There's really nothing you can do except not accept his behavior over your house. I hope things get better.

I am so sorry to hear you had such a bad weekend. I can only think it is the age. I know you have to be a good mum or you would not be concerned and feeling as bad about his behaviour as you are. Whilst I agree that the behaviour is not what any parent wants from their child, you are not sitting still for it and excusing it so that makes you a great mum.

Keep faith that it will get better and have a hug.

Sounds like Tough Love time. You really may have to cut him loose. The idea of it is almost unimaginable to me but you have the safety of your daughter to think about and this kid could easily go from bad to worse. So he thinks he's a bad*** huh? Send him down here for a bit, we'll send him back purring for ya! I know some people who know some people in the import, export business. If that doesn't make an impact then we'll just cruise down to Woonsocket and I'll tell all the Latino Homies that he doesn't know how to show respect to his mother.

I'm so sorry, Gail. I can only imagine the heartbreak in all of this Yup, toughlove time, I would let him know he is no longer welcome. How old is he? Would it be worth getting a police scare involved in this, has that already been done?

I think the only thing you can do is stand your ground on what you allow in your home and be sure he is clear you are not backing down.

((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Gail - you are such a sweet, sweet mother. You have let your boys get away with lots and still shown them unconditional love. I do believe it is time for you to send him to his dad's. Until he decides to respect you and live by the rules! Have you thought about counseling for him?

Don't let him walk all over you. Take a stand Sweetie - you have too! Hugs and prayers for you!

Everyone is saying send him to dad's.... I agree you shouldn't have to put up with his $#!^, but I fear sending him to his dad's would make him worse. It seems that's where he's learning the behavior. I would maybe go so far as to say, DON'T send him to dad's. He would probably rather be with dad since it seems to be a much more 'relaxed' environment. Sue mentioned a police scare. I'm all over that! He stole a bike. Report it. And report his dad too, he was an 'accessory'! Let him get in trouble, don't try and protect him. The more you protect him, the more he's going to disrespect you. I am disagreeing with just about everyone here because I was a horrible teen. I did anything and everything I was allowed to get away with. But the minute my mom broke down and I ended up in court, it scared me straight. Just a different perspective on the situation...

You know what alexmichele, I think you're right. After reading SueP's thread, it made me think of that. I was at the precinct the other night (as usual), and while I was waiting, this woman came in and was talking to one of the officers up front. He was really loud, so I heard every thing he said. He said "Bring her in, I'll talk to her." A few minutes later, a mother and this tiny little girl come in. She was thirteen, but she looked about eight. She was crying. She looked like such a sweet little girl. ANYWAY, this officer starts screaming at her. Asking her over and over to look at him, answer him, stop crying. Then he starts slamming her with questions like if she thinks it's cool to cut out of school, and drink, and not listen to her mother. Told her that if she continued her behavior that it would be out of her moms hands, and she would be put into a detention center with girls alot bigger than her who would beat her up every day. I mean he was booming all this at her. I think he actually enjoyed it, because when they left he was smiling about it. But I think he got his point accross to that kid, cause she was terrified. Now, I don't know how scared Gail's boy is of the law, but I think you're right, he did break it, and I think sending the message that she won't protect him if he behaves that way might be the incentive for him NOT to behave that way.

I think he can mess with Dad and Mom and those who love him forever without much real life consequence.... when the police become involved it can get very real very fast for them.

Police involvement now could save him from police involvement later -- when it wasn't Mom calling them in to help straighten himout.

am07 I was a horrible teen too..... thankfully I never ended up arrested and I lived through it all (which is the biggest miracle), but when I hit the point of the police I think my mindset changed quickly.

He is 15 yrs old.I have tried to get him from dad and cas said he is old enough to make his own decissions.The police were here when I overdosed and they screamed at him and his older brother 17 yr old.They just swore at the cops,told them where to go and how to get there.The police called there father he showed up and the kids and him said if the boys name are on the lease then get the **** out of there house.One cop said he wanted to kick both there asses.My ex said try and Ill charge you.Please understand that there father was a seargent of arms for a bike gang trust me he knows the ins and outs of the law.

Gail, I wish I had advice. I know exactly what type of people you are dealing with. Maybe it's time to let go. They apparently have total support from their dad no matter what they do, whether it's breaking the law, or hurting other people. With him badmouthing them all the time, they probably don't even respect themselves, so why should they respect anyone else? And I guess all the years of your ex bashing you around, they think nothing of including you in their antic. But you don't have to take it. Maybe if they see their mom not allowing them and their behavior into her life, it will have some impact on them.