When I was making my video last night I added a pic of my daguther and her father into it and it looked so sweet. When he spend a whole day w/her he cuddle her up on my bed and took a nap w/her. It was sweet so I snapped a pic of them. Unfortantly I keep looking at this pic and think this maybe the only moment she can look back on and know maybe daddy loved me when I was a baby.

My son grow up w/out his dad for nine yrs and now he is in his life alot and thats great but it makes me wonder if what I went thru w/my son will my daughter do this as soon. I know it was important for my son to have a dad to do dad things even thou I would do them w/him. It was yrs of torment for him b/c he had no dad and no one to call dad.

I wonder do the girls go thru this as soon? I know she needs her dad but will it be torment for her starting at toddler yrs like my son? My son's father is good to her and seems to like so my hope is if his dad sticks around in my son's life than maybe once in a while he will do some guy things w/her. Maybe he could be that male role model for her for a while even thou my X and I won't be together ever.

It just breaks my heart that more than likely she will go thru life w/out her daddy like my son did. I'm just worried that it will be hard on her as she gets older or will her mommy be enough for her for the rest of her life?

I guess I'm just sad for my daughter b/c even thou her dad put me thru **** and still is not very pleasent to me now he does have the potenial to be a great dad. But for some reason he just can't let that wall down to let her in. Heck he never totally let me in either.

Well I'll end now. By no means am I down about me or him just upset for my daguther b/c she deserves her daddy as much as my son deserved his for the past nine yrs.

Oh well like my son said mom we have you and thats all we need most of the time but the other times I'll share my dad w/my sister b/c she needs one! AWWW what a sweet big bro!

SPIRIT

My son has three baby photos of being with his Dad and that is it. I feel exactly the same as you, I feel like he is so short changed by his Dad. I wish I could say otherwise but I think girls are exactly the same and in about the same time frame - they want to have that relationship and miss it dreadfully. I wish that there was something that you could do to protect your babies from that hurt.
Aroha

This is just from my experience with my daughter. Girls seem to adjust better in the early years, because there is mommy to relate to.
Mommies can be girly with them and play house, etc. I have a hard time doing boy stuff with my son because of the gender thing.
The thing that girls miss out on is having the role model of what a man is supposed to be. Because girls look to their dads typically for that. As well as how they are supposed to be treated in an relationship.
Does it mean that their father is the only one who can achieve this with a little girl? Of course not! Any good male role model can do it, especially if the father is out of the picture.
But from what I have noticed in my own family and circle of long time friends is even if the father is there and somewhat involved, the girl still tends to gravitate to a man with her father's personality. I am sure it's not always like that, it's just what I have seen.
To me that is the biggest thing with girls without their fathers in their life.
Maybe when my daughter is older I may have different views.

I think both need thier dad's equally as soon to begin forming a bond that only gets harder to create as time goes by.

It sounds like girls need thier daddys just as soon as boys do. Unfortatnly like you zealand my daughter is not going to have her daddy thier at all or very very little. Bars and girls beds take prioity over her. Its so sad but life is not fair I guess.

Tammy its funny u mention that girls look to their fathers to know how to be treated by guys b/c that made me instantly thing OMG I don't want her to look to her father for that! If she did she would find guys that treat her like **** and men that would run around on her oh yea the mental abuse would come into play I'm sure. Thats what I recieved from him and I want so much more for her.

Don I you're right I guess the need is equal for both boys and girls.

I can only hope that I can find a good man for both of my kids to look up too. SIGH someday I guess.

Thanks for the advice.

SPIRIT

Spirit, you're not alone in this. I'm going through some things here that I SOOOOOOOOOOOOO wish that there was a good female here that my daughter could relate to. Her mom and her every other weekend visitation, is undermining the values and morals I try to instill in her, those details are for another topic whenever I can get enough of a grip to post about it :angry:
Thing I'm really trying to say is that your daughter will surely benefit from having a good mother when she gets into her teen years. It is certainly not just about the father image when it comes to their choices where boys are concerned.

Spirit, I know what you're going through as well. My daughter doesn't have a mother and I worry that I won't be able to give her things that a mother could. I'm hoping that relationships such as the one Amaya has with my girlfriend (who has been around Amaya her whole life; we're living with her now) will help, but it's still hard when Maya asks me how come she doesn't have a mommy.
However I strongly believe that children won't necessarily suffer from having just one parent (I have to believe that, don't I). Of course it's better to have both parents, but that doesn't mean it's not good enough to just have one.

Don,
You're right about my daughter having me to look up too. I hope someday to find that right man for her and my son.

Mr. Ryan,
You're right we have to believe that atleast having one good parent will be enough to make them happy children. You are doing just fine w/her it seems. BTW I'm glad that you and your GF worked things out. I know a while back that you two were having a tuff time. Good luck to you. You know what it sounds like your GF is a good mommy to her as well as you are a great dad.

All we can do is the best we can and hope the therapy are not to high when they are teens!


SPIRIT

Hey Spirit, I think both boys and girls need Dad equally.

quote:

Mr. Ryan,
You're right we have to believe that atleast having one good parent will be enough to make them happy children. You are doing just fine w/her it seems. BTW I'm glad that you and your GF worked things out. I know a while back that you two were having a tuff time. Good luck to you. You know what it sounds like your GF is a good mommy to her as well as you are a great dad.

Yeah, everything's great between me and my girlfriend now. Hallie IS a good mom..I've told her time and time again that she doesn't need to be a mom, that she won't have to take care of Amaya or anything, but Hallie is a mother figure to Amaya anyway. One time before we moved in together when we finally had a moment alone, Amaya started crying in her sleep, and I apologized..Hallie just said "for what?" and got up to get her. I swear, sometimes I can't get a word in edgewise between those two.

Hi SPirit..

Well, I am 35 and I was the little girl looking for her dad. So yes I hate to say it that yes yes and yes we women/girls need our fathers, cause it is not what you really wanted to hear was it?
I met my father the first time when I was 25 years old. I saw him 4 times when he chose to end the relationship. His reasoning for ending the relationship makes me realize how conditional he is, and I do not think very highly of him.
The only advice I can say is don't make up excuses to your daughter for her father's choices. He is who he is and most likely always will be. Be honest and frank without putting the father down. When she is old enough she will want to figure things out, but yes it affected my life enormously especially in my teenage years going through puberty. When it came to building my family I had no idea of how to treat my partner nor understand what my role really was in that relationship cause I never had a man in the house until I got pregnant. Anyway it is a long story, but it was a long process for me to learn how to understand men in general. When I was a little girl and in my early teens when mom and I used to argue, I would go into my room and envision this great father with white hair, coming into my life and taking all my troubles away LOL....Someone with whom I can talk about anything without being judged or punished and he would take me for a country walk. Well years later in my early twenties I met that man...no he was not my father but he became my mentor and my coach. He is 72 years old now, he owns 99 acres of land, and when he actually invited me to his farm and took me for a walk I knew then what a real father was. He became a grandfather to Justin and I am very grateful that he replaced my fathers shoes. When I see him with his wife after being married all these years with two wondeful children, I saw what I can become.
Your daughter will find that, and it just goes to show that we attract into our lives what we need just when we need it.

I know how all of you feel. My son doesnt get to do daddy things with his father either. Maybe those dads out their will wisen up and be a good dad like your kids deserve. I am sad for my son because he doesnt even have a baby picture of him and his dad. I have a picture I was given of his dad hugging his half brother. I dont know if this will trigger bad feelings "He got to see him and I never did".
His father made some bad choices and I think the worst one was commiting suicide. He did this only 2 and a half months before his son was born...he even knew he was on the way!~

I agree with thor, every child needs both parents. does your daughter have any male family members that she could spend time with?
When my ex-wife decided she didnt want to be a wife or mother anymore I moved my children closer to family. My daughter was 6 months and my son 2 years. My daughter would not go to any female (except her mother) but she would go to men.A result of me taking care of her from day one. so being around her grandmothers and aunts, cousins got her used to other femals. It took about 6 months but she will let them hold her now and I can leave her with them and she is ok. My son wasn't that bad but I think his female family members are helping to fill the void that his mother might have left. The other day he asked me if I was mommy and daddy. their mother lives 600 miles away now they see her only once a month.

Spirit, this is my situation and my opinion.

My daughter is now 3 and has NEVER met her father. He made the choice to leave and has stayed with that choice and I have made sure that he stuck with it. He was and is abusive mentally and emotionally. I refuse to seek him out just so I can say my daughter has both parents.

My daughter is perfectly happy with her life. She knows no different. She does know what a daddy is even though she doesn't have one. Her friends have one.

However, my father has been a BIG part of her life and does the "boyish" things with her. They have a bond that Kai and her father will never have. In short, my dad is the "father figure" in my daughter's life. While some may think this is wrong, I say screw em as this is my decision and this is what I am doing.

I am doing the RIGHT thing for my daughter and for myself. I believe every situation is unique and if something works for you and in the best interst of your child, I say do it. I will not change my life just so that my daughter can get to know her biological father. IT's a waste of time because he is emotionally closed off and doesn't want children.

My point is, do what is best for you and your child, not what is in the interest of the other parent. If the other parent decides, or sperm donor or egg donor, that they dont want to be a part of the child's life, then so be it. It's not the end of the world. This was hard for me at first but then I realized that this is the life I was meant to have and this child is mine. 100% mine!!!!

I do not believe that anyone is entitled to a child and I do not believe that every child should have both parents. However, if both parents are able and willing to care for that child and provide that child a happy and good life, then more power to them.

Just my opinion!

I don't believe that all kids need an absent father/mother in their lives. I've spoken about my friend and her boys a few times here but I'm pretty sure the newbies wouldn't have read it.

My friend has 3 boys, all very close in age to me and she raised them completely on her own. The only thing she couldn't handle herself was to teach them how to shave......lol. All 3 of her boys have grown up to be outstanding husbands and fathers. 2 of them are even raising their wives' children from previous relationships and they've adopted them and not treated them any differently than they have their biological children. I'm whole-heartedly believe that they're better fathers and husbands BECAUSE they were raised by their mother and not IN SPITE OF. Watching how much their mother had to struggle to make sure they were taken care of caused them to have a great deal more respect for women than most men.


I agree that the ideal situation for children regarding their divorced parents is that both parents are doing their share of the parenting but I don't believe that if this isn't the case, the children are going to be scarred for life. I guess what I'm saying is that good parenting isn't gender biased. Dads can take their little girls to dance classes, just as much as moms can help coach little league.