I'm a 42 year old single Mom with a 7 year old boy. I have raised my son since his Birth on my own as his father and I were never married. Unitl last November my sons father lived in a different city and only managed to make it down 3 - 4 times a year to see his son. These visits were always somewhat stressful on my son however I encouraged them as I thought that my son had a right to get to know his father.
I have built a comfortable life with my son, we are both happy being on our own and have a wonderful relationship.
I was reluctant when my sons father said he wanted to move to the same city, he had talked about it for so long I never thought he would actually do it. Well, he is here now and lives about 10 minutes away from us.
I am somewhat amazed at how little effort this man is putting into being a father to his son. Since November he has done maybe 5 things with our son. A few hockey games and thats about it. Now my son does not want to see his Dad, He has told me that he doesnt like him but that he is afraid to say anything to him for fear of hurting his feelings.
I don't know what to do, I have been more than generous and tolerant with this man, I have given him suggestions and tried to help him become a father, but he shows very little interest and he is very awkward around both my son and I. I truly believe that his primary reason for moveing here was the great weather and the fabulous golf. Recently I decided to wash my hands of the whole thing and let my Sons Father worry about his relationship with his son. But now I am very worried about the stress this is causing my Son. It is breaking my heart that my 7 year old is carrying around all these negative feelings and confusion.
His father has always paid child support but I am capable of living without it.
If any one has any suggestions please let me know. I need some help!

I am coming into your situation, but my daughter is much younger. My advice to you, is listen to your child. Do not force him to see his father, and do not make any extra efforts when it comes to getting the two together. If your son's father wants to see your son, make him put the effort into it...make him make the first step. It seems to me that your son is afraid to become attached to someone who has been in and out of his life already for so many years. You have done all you can do when it comes to that, but just remember this: a father is only a father by blood...a dad is a dad out of love.

You know what? Your son's father just wants to be a "convienent" father in his own way. If he REALLY cared he would have a regular schedule going. He just doesn't want to have to cramp his style and social life if he doesn't feel like it. You son probably senses his father's lack in truly being sincere with him. Kids pick up so much more then we give them credit for. Kids see things for as simple as they are. Right or wrong. They do.

If your son was having great feelings about this thing then he would not feel so badly about his father making him all confused. He probably knows his dad is making a half assed attempt.

Why not do a project with your son. Bake something with him. Make something with him. Paint something with him. Have no tv or radio going and then just talk lightly to him and with him.

Maybe allow a door to open for discussion at your son's comfort level and then see if you can be sensitive about really opening up his feelings about why he doesn't want to be around his father.

Maybe his dad is as shallow as he sounds and your son picks up on this. I'm sure he sees the big difference between how you parent and love him, by showing it consitantly vs. how his dad does things.

There are MANY men out there who are regular with their visitations. Many who are losers.

Your son is what matters and if makes him feel badly then just help him with it. He's the one that matters more then the father. His feelings, not his father's.

His dad sounds like he's on his own program for the most part. He lives near his son so he probably feels like he should make a point to at least see him once in a blue moon for his own guit and shame. After all, how would it look to his friends and dates if they found out his own son was living right under his nose yet he doesn't really care about him? They'd all think he was a shmuck.

If your son's father REALLY does love his son, make it a point to arrange a sit down discussion with him about the situation. Eye to eye and face to face so he can't just tune you out or hang up on you or avoid you or your phone calls.

I only wish my children's father wanted to see them at all. If they lived in the same town of course he would because it is convenient ONLY.

How was he with visiting his son before he lived farther away? Did he even bother? Does he always remember your son's birthday and holidays? Does he call him a lot before moving?

Good luck with this. We love our children so much.