Good morning everyone, I need some advice on this snowy monday morning.

My little one is quickly approaching 3yrs old, and I want to get him involved in extra-curricular activities (swimming, karate, etc...)most of the courses meet on saturdays, which is ofcourse ideal for me.

BUT (and you know there is always a huge 'but' in a situation)

my child has bi-weekly visitation with the other side of his family. The relationship between the 2sides has been extremely strained over the past year. At the request of his current girlfriend, the father has cut off all communications with me. The only person I have communications with is the grandmother - and even that is on an "last resort" basis. the other family is (by their own choice and actions) almost totally in the dark about the things that go on in my sons life outside of the 4 days per month that he visits them

so back to my dilemma. (trying to make a long story really short)i want to sign my child up for activities, most of which have meeting times on saturdays. but then i have a few concerns

1. i dont want to waste my money on activities that the others can't/wont committ to bringing him to.

2. i have an extreme problem with the fathers current girlfriend. at one point this girl was harassing me to the point that I had to change my telephone number just so she could no longer call me. There was even an occassion where the father "allowed" this girlfriend to come to my front door-where she then demanded that i come to talk to her (big no no) now she's not even allowed on my property. Needless to say - I DO NOT want her participating in these events where there is a huge chance that I will be present.

is there an easier way to approach this? rectify this? remember - communication is out of the picture because i'm not allowed to "talk" to him. is there a way the courts can step in the middle?

YES!

You should get your lawyer to do the communication to your ex. I went through the same thing more or less and the judge ruled that my ex HAS TO get my daughter to all her functions and activities when they fall on his visitation, and the judge told my ex that his girlfriend needed to stay away during this hour because it had nothing to do with her, that she was only aggrivating an already aggrivated situation. Well, she didn't stay away. My lawyer sent a letter to his lawyer that if she didn't we would go back to court and get it spelled out better and possibly file a lawsuit against her on the grounds of harrassment. This kept her away and kept the ex bringing my daughter to the activity.

Is it possible for you to talk with her not knowing....is he civil to you? Is e-mail an option? Maybe a registered letter? If communication is out of the question, you don't have a choice but to do this legally. It's not fun, but remember that you would be establishing this for your son's upcoming events well into his teen years if not all of the teen years. Get this right from the beginning.

Unfortunately its not at all possible for me to talk to him without her knowing. TO be honest, she had his cell phone number changed - and I don't even know what it is. she's truly made sure that he cuts off all communication with me.

approximately a year ago - she told him to tell me that she wanted to have a "meeting" with me so that she could "establish the rules" and be more secure with the parental relationship between he and i. I refused. there was/is absoultely zero reason for such a meeting. He and i have long since ended our romantic relationship - so she had no need to worry about "me". when I refused this meeting - he "effective immediately" stopped all communications with me.

i totally wish I could talk sense into all of them. there is really no need for me to have to run back to court for every little thing (such as this) but they aren't making the situation easy at all

I agree with you about the girlfriend, but I would still send him a registered letter that you have these intentions. If communication can't go between the two of you without her getting involved then that is his issue and you will deal with it on your end the only way you can. She has no rights here. When discussing issues about your son it is between the two of you and I would let him know this and your intentions in the registered letter that HE has to sign for. I really think you know what your answers are, and what you have to do here. This woman is obviously insecure, and for some reason doesn't trust him. Either way it isn't your problem it is their's and you have to do what you have to do for your son. It is also the perfect opportunity to establish any other changes in your new paperwork that you may have had any second thoughts about.

You are right they are not making things easy at all therefore they leave you no choice and now they have to remember that there are consequences to their actions. Sorry for you, I know how you feel.

mom2jordan,
I agree with the registered letter with the stipulation you can do it in a way only his signature will suffice. Shy of the girlfriend I have the same problems, concerning communication and extra curricular activities. There was an extra day of visitation set up for my ex with the stipulation he gets her to all activities. Well he had three chances and lost it. Now he feels as though he has to take her to none of these and she should not go because it infringes on "HIS TIME". Those were his exact words along with "This is about me not you and you do not deserve those activities." Well with the help of my mother we just work around it because she does deserve them and it is all enrichment and learing not goof off time.
You may have to go the legal route, but in my experience that does not help. You do have a legal right to have an access number to reach his father while he is with him. The girlfreind must butt out and you can get that done too.

His girl friend needs to butt out. If she cann't understand that stuff involving your son is between you and the dad. Then you are probably going to end up in court. Get it ordered that she needs to stay out of this. This is between you and the dad.
Why is he allowing his girl friend to be this way? Doesn't he see this can be damaging to his son?

i spoke to a coworker about it (also a single parent) and she seems to think that i shouldn't worry about it. i explained to her the history of this younger girl (i'mm 28 the girlfriend is just 22) being an aggrevator and provoker of chaos and un-due drama...she joked and said that i should have beat her arse a couple years ago when she first got out of hand - but at this point thinks that i should not, nor do i have the "rights" to try to keep her away from my son's events.

i couldnt disagree more. every time i've had to deal with this young girl its been nothing but trouble.

example: one day my child came home with cuts and bruises - up to this point my child had never mentioned the fathers girlfriend by name - ever. so on day 1 he tells me that 'she' pushed him on the ground and hurt him. i brushed it out initially - just chalking it up to a 2yr old making things up. but on day 2 and day 3 he told me the same exact story no less than 10x, the info was never prodded out of him - he always volunteered or spoke of it "out of the blue."

i called the grandmother and informed her of what was said - she immediately jumped down my throat and accused me of being jealous - and told me that i just need to 'get over it' and move on with my life.

this girl has been a constant and consistent factor in every issue/argument i've had with the others....i have no reason to now believe that if she and i have to come into contact with each other face to face - that things will be any different

Thats right so you now have to go the legal way...through a lawyer and courtroom. Get everything spelled out to the commas and the periods.

I agree: the girlfriend has absolutely NO RIGHT to interfere with your child's upbringing and absolutely NO RIGHT to establish anything in the way of rules for you to follow.

I believe your best route is to have your attorney contact your ex and do all communication that way...from what you have written, he needs to have a reality wake-up call.

I would also make sure your attorney knows about what happened with your child regarding the cuts and bruises from the girlfriend -- she should be charged with child abuse in my book.

Keep us posted and stay strong.